


the stars in your eyes (light up the sky)

by starryJ



Series: lifeline [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: 5-7 are bonus chapters, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Hyunjin is the biggest softie, Jisung has trust issues, Jisung is really soft and needs to be protected at all cost, M/M, Psychologist Chan, Seungmin and Jeongin are mentioned a lot but are not actually there, Slow Burn, brief mentions of heart surgeries, med student Minho, mentions of death but no one actually died, minho centric, rated M for sensitive topics, there's a lot of emotional pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 46,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26996179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryJ/pseuds/starryJ
Summary: Minho's always dreamed of meeting his soulmate, especially when Jisung's name appeared on his wrist at the age of four. On his tenth birthday, however, Jisung's name suddenly turned black, which could only mean one thing: his soulmate's heart stopped. After that, Minho's only purpose becomes saving people, so he decides to dedicate his life to becoming a good doctor.Jisung, on the other hand, always had the fear of rejection, because he felt that he wasn't enough for his soulmate - loud, ugly, suffering from strong anxiety and having to get his heart checked twice a year. Who on Earth could love him?(Alt: Minho is a med student who has to spend two weeks working at the hospital as a nurse. Jisung is there for his yearly health-checkup. Oh, but Minho doesn't know Jisung was never dead.)ft. Hyunjin, Chan and Changbin being the best and most supportive friends.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Series: lifeline [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2168004
Comments: 200
Kudos: 957





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hige](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hige/gifts).



> Happy birthday, Lau! <3 Every line of this fic is for you. I've enjoyed writing this so, so much and I hope you can enjoy it just as much. This is the least I could do to repay your never-ending support and love; you're for sure one of the best friends anyone could ask for. I love you! 
> 
> Please note that there may be a lot of inaccuracies in this fic, because, although it's based on my personal experience (minus the soulmate and friends thing), I was kind of in Jisung's shoes, so I'm not sure how hospitals work from the other side, especially in a different country. However, I tried to make it as realistic as possible and did a lot of research for this work, so I hope you'll forgive me for small mistakes shall there be any. Also, I want to mention it before anything else, that Jisung's anxiety description is also based on my personal experience; I'm only saying this in case some of you may feel that it's not how anxiety with trust issues work. 
> 
> This is my first contribution to the fandom, so I'd really appreciate your support through comments and kudos. <3  
> The story is now available [in Spanish](https://www.wattpad.com/story/254558671-the-stars-in-your-eyes-light-up-the-sky)

People always say that the moment you meet your soulmate is the happiest and most important part of your life. There are songs, movies, books – all about that feeling one experiences upon meeting their person. It’s different for everyone: some say that it’s like electricity rushing through their body, for others it can only be compared to the feeling of coming home, and yet there is something they all agree on – it’s an unforgettable moment of pure joy and bliss.

Even as a kid, Minho loved listening to such stories, watched sappy romantic movies and kept asking his parents to tell him their story once again at least two times every month. He would always imagine what this moment was going to be like for him, who his soulmate was, what would be the first things they’d say to each other upon realizing they’re meant to be together. Every night before bed, instead of asking his mother to read him a new fairy-tale, Minho would try his best to come up with his own story: always about his beloved soulmate, always a happy one, where they lived a long life together and died on the same day.

He had to wait for a while until his soulmate’s name finally appeared on his left wrist, meaning that this person was slightly younger than Minho was. When he was four, just a month away from his fifth birthday, the boy suddenly felt sharp pain in his wrist, but, unlike other kids, who would instantly start crying, he just dropped the book he was reading on the floor and stood there, mesmerized, watching how his soulmate’s name burned its way on his skin.

_Han Jisung_ , was written in beautiful blue cursive, the name forever imprinted on his wrist from that moment on. Looking at the birth date right below the name, Minho realized his soulmate was five years younger than him, and this thought made him smile. He’s always wanted to have a younger sibling: as an only child, he wanted to have someone to take care of, someone to teach important things and share his deepest secrets with. The universe might have heard his request wrong, he guessed, but that only made things better – once they grew up and met each other, Minho would finally be able to protect someone, be a good hyung.

That evening, when his parents came home from work, Minho greeted them with the proudest smile, lifting up his wrist for them to see that he finally knew who his soulmate was. Although they exchanged a quick look full of concern, they didn’t say anything: his father just ruffled his hair and told him how wonderful it was.

Ever since then, Minho didn’t go one night without wishing his soulmate a good night and sweet dreams. Now the main character of all his stories had a name, a beautiful name which seemed so fitting for his soulmate. From that moment on, Minho’s thoughts were always busy with Jisung. Did he eat well? Did he have his name in the same color? Did he think of Minho as often as Minho thought of him? Did he have a good birthday celebration? When would they finally meet?

It’s not like Minho was impatient, no. He was probably the most patient kid you’d ever see in the world, but when it came to Jisung, he just couldn’t wait – he felt, no, he _knew_ that Jisung would be a perfect match for his calm and collected self, and he was extremely eager to meet the boy as soon as it was possible.

When he turned nine, he started to hate the fact that Jisung was this much younger: five years don’t make any difference when you’re both young adults, but knowing that Jisung wasn’t even going to school yet made everything a bit more complicated. There was no way for them to meet until they both grew up, and this thought alone almost made him cry.

No one understood him, not even his parents who had to wait until they were twenty-four before they met, but all Minho wanted at that moment was to love someone, even if he didn’t quite understand what love was yet. He knew he loved his parents, loved his little friend Hyunjin, whom he once saved from the school bullies, he surely loved his other friend Changbin (who happened to have an English name on his wrist and was now desperately learning the language), but he also knew that his love for Han Jisung was different.

Maybe he didn’t realize what love truly was at that moment, but if he knew anything about it, he loved Han Jisung.

There were people who called Minho stupid, obsessed even, but all he did was smile politely and go to his room, where he was writing letters to Jisung. He only started doing it because Changbin told him he was practicing his English through writing letters to his soulmate, Felix; although it wasn’t any helpful to him, Minho found peace in that. It felt surprisingly calming, as if Jisung was truly there to listen to him and his stupid stories about his grandmother’s cats or boring lessons at school.

Minho didn’t have that much to write about when he was nine, so his letters were short and full of meaningless sentences. And yet, at the same time, they were full of love, the love that no one understood. Minho knew Jisung would, he _hoped_ Jisung would.

But then Minho’s tenth birthday came around and everything he’s ever dreamed of was ruined right in the middle of his birthday party. He was just about to blow out the candles on top of the huge strawberry cake he baked together with his mother the night before, both family members and his friends cheering excitedly, when he felt the long-forgotten pain in his wrist. It was worse, _way_ worse than the pain he experienced when Jisung’s name appeared on his wrist five years ago.

This time he couldn’t hold back tears, couldn’t even open his eyes because sharp pain seemed to be everywhere, but mostly centered somewhere deep in his heart, as if someone was continuously pricking him with a needle, deeper and deeper with each passing second.

“Are you alright?” Changbin asked, giving him a worried glance he couldn’t see at that moment.

Minho shook his head, trying to take a deep breath but failing, bursting into tears again, almost suffocating from the unbearable pain. He felt a hand on his shoulder; that was his father’s way of making sure he knew he wasn’t alone.

Five minutes later the pain went away, disappeared as if nothing ever happened. When Minho finally opened his eyes, he first looked at his wrist and gasped when he realized what exactly has just happened.

Han Jisung’s name, previously written in the prettiest blue, was now pitch black.

He didn’t need an explanation from his parents that followed later, when everyone realized the birthday party was not happening anymore, because he already knew what it meant. He’s lost Jisung, the only person he’s ever truly loved, his soulmate.

He lost Jisung way before he was even able to look at his face, hold his hands, show Jisung his letters and tell him how much he was loved.

Jisung’s heart stopped, and with this all the memories of happy Minho disappeared as well. The Minho everyone knew before was now gone, replaced by a grumpy teenager, who spent half of his time face down on the bed and the other half – reading countless books on biology, anatomy and physiology.

With Jisung’s death Minho’s life lost all the colors, and so he decided to dedicate his life to the only color that seemed important ever since that day – he was now determined to become a doctor, wearing a white coat and saving lives. If he couldn’t save Jisung, he would at least help someone else, save another family or a couple from experiencing what he had to go through.

The decision didn’t come easy, it took him days, weeks and months.

Days of writing non-stop, staring at the ceiling with an empty mind and yelling at the walls of his small room.

Weeks of sleepless nights, crying into the soft fabric of his pillow, asking the universe why of all people they chose him to suffer this much.

Months of skipping meals, surviving on strong coffee, avoiding his friends and parents, not attending classes, running away from home and getting into countless fights in the streets.

There was no way to bring Jisung back, Minho realized when he was fifteen, but there was also no way to forget him, so, in the memory of his soulmate, Minho got back to studying hard and finally stopped running away from his friends, whom he avoided like a plague whenever they tried to talk.

When he told them that he was going to become a doctor in the future, they both kept silent, but Hyunjin gave Minho a tight hug while Changbin opted for patting his shoulder, looking at him with a mix of deep respect and sympathy. They welcomed him back as if those years of him only talking to them once a month didn’t happen, as if he wasn’t the worst friend in the world, and he was beyond grateful to have _something_ left of his previous, happy life.

Minho stopped writing letters to Jisung when he turned sixteen; birthday celebrations didn’t exist to him anymore, and yet somehow this day still remained more special than others because on this day only he let himself be weak and write another long letter to no one and nowhere. At sixteen, however, he decided it was time to let go and only keep Jisung in his memories, in his heart, and instead focus on achieving his dream of becoming a good doctor.

Upon graduation, Minho passed all the exams with flying colors and got accepted into the university of his dream; together with Changbin, they moved to Seoul, leaving Hyunjin with a promise to visit their hometown as often as they could.

When it turned out that they didn’t have time for anything other than studies, Hyunjin simply sent them a huge parcel full of their favorite snacks, and this small moment once again proved for Minho that he had the best friends in the whole world. He couldn’t stop feeling guilty for almost losing them just like he lost Jisung, and so he tried to cherish every moment spent with them, but university was making it more and more difficult with each passing day.

Minho wasn’t complaining, because all of his hard work felt important and he knew it would eventually pay off, and while being so busy studying he didn’t have time to think about Jisung anymore. It would be a lie to say he didn’t miss Jisung or didn’t love him anymore, though, and yet Minho was grateful for the opportunity to get his brain busy with something other than constantly thinking about his soulmate, someone he was never going to meet anymore.

There were times when he would ignore all of Changbin’s questions and just go to his room in their small shared apartment, lock the door and spend hours staring at the wall. Those were the desperate times, when university was just too much for him to handle, and at those times, Minho would get back to writing letters. He knew it made no sense, because he was writing to someone he never even knew, someone he would never _know_ , and yet this was his own therapy, something that helped him survive and not give up.

When their first year was finally over, Changbin decided to drop out of university and start doing music like he always wanted, while Hyunjin kept pursuing his dream of becoming a choreographer, so they all had their own paths now, but instead of growing distant because of it, they got even closer. The trio was back together, and, once Minho finally admitted to himself that his happiness shouldn’t fully depend on his soulmate, he realized that he could actually consider himself happy. Unlucky, yes, but definitely not unhappy, not when he managed to adjust to his new reality and even pretend to move on.

Somewhere along the way Hyunjin introduced them to his classmate, a guy who moved to Korea from Australia, Lee Felix. Somehow, Minho has figured it all out by just looking at Hyunjin’s mischievous smirk when he asked them to gather at their favorite café in the evening, but decided not to share his theories with Changbin.

Changbin’s reaction was unexpected for everyone, because he started sobbing the moment he saw Felix’s freckles and his bright smile addressed to the usually grumpy Bin. Felix then tried to introduce himself in broken Korean, but Changbin surprised him once again by replying in perfect English – all those years of studying the language were finally put to a good use. Needless to say, Felix was looking at him with heart eyes for the rest of the evening, not paying attention to anything else.

Minho watched them with a proud smile, exchanging soft looks with Hyunjin, who couldn’t stop smiling as well; and it was hard to tell who was happier in this situation. Minho felt like a proud parent, as it was his first time to see someone meet their soulmate, but once he got back to their apartment, all alone since Changbin insisted on walking Felix home, all of the unspoken, uninvited feelings suddenly came back to him. “You’re nothing to the world,” his brain would tell him. “You’re absolutely meaningless, _broken_ , and you’re never going to be happy,” his mind would go on and on.

There was no way to make it stop, and Minho wasn’t strong enough to resist those thoughts, because they went so deep in his heart that it gave in under the pressure and broke into a million pieces.

He cried and yelled at the wall, the window of his room, at himself and the universe, at no one and everyone. Minho shook his head violently as he decided to wash the dishes, tears still streaming down his cheeks, and then he dropped Changbin’s favorite cup on the floor, so it joined the pile of broken pieces that were his heart. He didn’t care about anything when he kneeled down to pick those up and throw into the trashcan and wasn’t even surprised once he noticed his own blood all over the floor.

All he did was laugh. He laughed at nothing and everything at the same time: at how pathetic he was, at how happy he actually felt for his best friend, at how tired he was because of university and at how far he’s already come without even realizing where he was going, at how much he loved someone who _died_ long ago, at how he couldn’t just move on no matter how hard he tried to.

Changbin found him still sitting on the floor, smiling at nothing in particular, with his right hand still bleeding. He didn’t ask any questions, and that was something Minho has always admired about his best friend. He examined the cut and helped Minho clean it up, finished sweeping the floor and turned on the kettle.

Once he made green tea for both of them (Changbin had to use a smaller cup now, but he didn’t mind at all), he tugged on Minho’s sleeve and helped him get into bed, only handing him the cup when he made sure Minho’s hands were not trembling as much anymore.

He looked so calm as if he didn’t just meet the love of his life a few hours ago, but Minho was grateful for this, and even more grateful when Changbin somehow heard his unspoken request and let Minho rest his head against his chest, crying quietly, but still not willing to talk about it. Neither Minho nor Changbin were that fond of cuddles, and yet this was a much-needed thing for Minho that night.

A few days later, with Felix’s constant presence in their lives, they inevitably got introduced to Chan, his older brother. Chan had a smile that could rival the sun, was sweet like honey and looked unbelievably soft in his big hoodie; he worked as a psychologist, but also worked on music in his free time and played a huge part in Felix’s life. He and Changbin immediately hit it off, which wasn’t surprising for anyone, but Hyunjin, despite being a dedicated dancer, was also interested, and Minho… well, Minho somehow managed to get a private moment between him and Chan only and gathered up all the courage to ask for a session with him.

Chan looked at him as if he already knew what Minho was going to talk about, and, somehow, Minho felt comfortable, he felt that he could trust the older. Chan was the first person outside of his family and close friends trusted circle to hear Minho’s story, the first one to see Jisung’s name because Minho wanted to show him and not because it just happened because he wasn’t careful enough in hiding it. He was never ashamed of his soulmate, no, but he was fed up with this never-ending loop of questions: “When did he die? How did you feel? How are you now? Do you still miss him? Have you tried dating other people?”.

To his surprise, Chan only gave him an understanding smile and showed him his own wrist in return – which was… clean. There was no name written on it, and Chan didn’t even try to hide it, but, somehow, Minho didn’t even notice it until Chan’s hand was right in front of his eyes.

Chan _was_ broken by the universe, and yet, how Minho found out that day, he was probably also the strongest person in this whole world: raising his little brother in a foreign country, helping people solve their problems, listening to everyone with that soft smile of his, giving free hugs to people in need, making incredible music about love yet destined to never know what his perfect love was, but never complaining or giving up. What broke Chan has also made him stronger at the same time; and it was something Minho aspired to have in his own life too.

Chan became a friend, almost as close to Minho as Hyunjin and Changbin were, and with time Minho almost stopped hiding Jisung’s name on his wrist, he almost learned to accept his fate and almost, _almost_ let Jisung go. He finally grew used to the thought that he _could_ actually still have a happy, meaningful life filled with sweet memories and love – even if it wasn’t the love Minho has been longing for his whole life. He now had an example in front of his eyes, who was always smiling, trying his best to understand everyone and be understood himself, living his life to the fullest despite not being “complete” by the world’s standards.

Minho finally realized that he didn’t need to fit the standard to have a good life, and yet… he still loved Jisung, the boy he never got to meet, the boy, who was forever remembered as a kid, who never had a chance to grow up and have what Minho had.

If Minho knew anything about love, he loved Jisung – with his own, special and unique kind of love that no one would ever be able to understand. He loved Jisung just as much as he loved his friends, and maybe even more, but at the age of twenty-two he was finally able to admit it to himself: he couldn’t let Jisung be his anchor anymore. Jisung would probably not want it too, and, somehow, this thought has never crossed Minho’s mind before.

But it did now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention last time that English isn't my first language, so please forgive me if you see any spelling/grammar mistakes; stuff happens haha  
> Thank you for all the love and support you've shown this work so far, it means the world for me!  
> 

“Hyung?”

Minho looks up from his laptop to see Changbin standing in the doorway, all dressed up for a party that’s happening three blocks away from their apartment. He sighs, because he knows why exactly Changbin is currently here: nonetheless, his answer remains the same and his friend should know that.

“Don’t wait for me, Changbin, you know I’m not going,” he replies as he gets up and starts to slowly stretch his tired limbs.

Changbin gives him _a look_ , but Minho doesn’t bother to react to it. He’s never been a party person and only went to those parties he was sure about, but Changbin and Hyunjin never stopped trying to get him to tag along. Most of the time, if he had time, he didn’t mind, but not tonight.

“I know you’re all going to get awfully drunk tonight, and then Hyunjin will win your stupid dancing contest and maybe even finally meet his soulmate, which would be really great because he would stop whining about it every single day. And eventually, I’d just have to carry your drunken ass home, which doesn’t seem like the most pleasant thing to do. You know I _would_ do this for you, and you’re using this against me every single time I refuse to go with you, but please, Binnie, just not today, okay?”

“Is it just because you have to be at the hospital in the morning?”

Minho honestly doesn’t know why Changbin would even need to ask this question, because it’s not like they’ve never been through this before. He understands they haven’t been out for what felt like ages, and he knows Changbin only wants the best for him, but the thing is: in this situation, Minho knows better.

“Yeah, I don’t want to be like a zombie there, you know caffeine won’t help me if I don’t get enough sleep.”

“It’s not like you’ve never been to a hospital after a party before,” Changbin continues, but now it’s Minho who glares at him. “Okay, right, that party when you nearly died in the morning doesn’t count, got it.”

“It only happened because you kept giving me whiskey when I was already drunk enough. Now drop this, it’s my future job, and this is important to me.”

Well, actually, it isn’t so much about the job, because Minho knows he would manage just fine in the morning if he didn’t drink too much, but something inside tells him to not follow his friends today. And Minho knows that he should always trust his gut feeling, because it’s never let him down before.

“Okay, okay,” Changbin finally agrees. “But next time you come to me complaining about Chan, I’ll kick you out of my room.”

“Chan’s just too much sometimes. He helps me a lot when we have sessions, but his obsession with me needing more rest and positive emotions in life can sometimes make things worse. I know he wants me to be happy, wants me to have a normal life, like you all do, but he’s a bit… I don’t know, it’s like it’s his life mission to witness me happy one day. He’s a great friend and a good psychologist too, but I sometimes regret being so open with him. Just sometimes.”

Minho’s not used to hiding things from Changbin, which is why when he feels that Chan went a little overboard, he always shares it with his best friend. Most of the time, Changbin agrees, because the way those siblings express their thoughts can be quite overwhelming sometimes, just like their desire to always be of help, but there are moments like this – when Changbin sides with Chan and nothing can change his opinion. Minho just sighs.

“But he’s right, though,” Changbin, as if he heard Minho’s thoughts, replies. “No pressure, dude, but it’d be nice to see you smile more often.”

“I smile a lot when I’m at work,” Minho says and sits down again, signaling that this is the end of the discussion. “And tomorrow I’ll be there, so I can skip today’s party. Go have fun without me.”

“You’re not even working there, you’re still a student,” his friend replies with a snort. “It’s just for two weeks.”

“Yeah, and tomorrow is the first day, so I’m nervous as heck. Please, Binnie, go bother Hyunjin instead, okay?”

“Alright, you win,” Changbin finally gives up and leaves the room with an energetic wave to Minho.

“Don’t drink too much,” Minho yells back.

Changbin doesn’t say anything else, and when the front door closes behind him, Minho finally lets himself relax a little. He knows all of his friends are actually right: because of spending all his time on studying, he kind of already looks like a zombie, so he could do with a few hours of rest, but he doesn’t regret saying “no” to the party. It’s going to be too loud for him there, and someone will definitely get in trouble, and that’s not something he needs right now. Green tea – that is, perhaps.

When the kettle dings softly, reminding him of the reason he actually came in to the kitchen, Minho makes himself a cup of tea and steals one of the cookies Felix baked specifically for his soulmate. After all, it’s Changbin’s problem that he leaves his food on the table and goes to parties, not Minho’s. With a content sigh, he sits at the table and puts on his favorite playlist made just for those days, but something still doesn’t let him fully relax.

This something is, of course, him being so nervous about getting to the hospital tomorrow. He knows he shouldn’t be as worried as he is: he only has to get there by eight in the morning, it’s the same place he’s been to in his previous years at university, and he knows pretty much everything he will have to do in those two weeks, and yet… There are a few things that make him slightly more nervous than usually, and it’s not even about his actual duties at the hospital.

His wrist has been itchy ever since the dates were announced, but no matter how many times Minho tried to google what it could mean, he wasn’t able to find the answer. All he knew was that his soulmate was somehow related to it, but this was just ridiculous: Jisung died more than ten years ago, there was no way for him to hypothetically “warn” Minho about something.

With a groan, Minho scratches his wrist again, but it doesn’t help, and, honestly, it’s really getting on his nerves. He tries to ignore it and succeeds most of the time, but he hates that this is another reminder about Jisung. He could do just fine without his wrist constantly making him glance at his soulmate’s name, as if there was anything he hasn’t memorized about it yet.

Once finished with the tea, he comes back to his room where there are still notes opened on his laptop. Minho knows everything like the back of his hand, he could recite all the notes if you woke him up in the middle of the night, but he still feels the need to go through them all again – just in case, because he can’t mess up. Yes, he’s not a surgeon, but it doesn’t mean that he can allow himself to make mistakes, because any mistake, even the smallest one, can cost someone’s life when he swore to save lives. Reading the notes is somewhat distracting, but when the clock strikes midnight, Minho closes the document and gets up to stretch his legs one last time before going to bed.

At that moment, as if someone has pushed him, Minho loses his balance and ends up bumping into the shelf where he keeps most of his textbooks and other paper stuff. He manages to stay on his feet, but a big folder falls on the floor right in front of him. Minho doesn’t even need to open it to realize that those are his letters to Jisung. He kneels to pick it up and then notices that one letter fell out of the folder. Minho unfolds it out of curiosity, too tired of ignoring the signs that the universe has seemingly been trying to shove into his face, and his gaze stops on one phrase which is highlighted in blue, Jisung’s color. The way it was before his name went black on Minho’s wrist.

The letter is from thirteen years ago, one of the oldest that Minho has. It’s full of Minho’s childish excitement and it even makes him chuckle when he quickly reads through the letter, but then comes back to that phrase again, frowning this time.

_“Jisung-ah! I’ve heard from my grandmother that it’s quite a common thing for people to meet their soulmate once they graduate from university. I don’t like it! I don’t want to wait until we’re twenty-two! Can you please hurry up?”_

Once he reads it again, Minho has to resist the urge to crumple this letter and burn it afterwards. There are tears forming in the corners of his eyes and he knows his lips are trembling too, but he’s learned to control it now: he takes deep breaths and counts them, exhales on the count of three and tells himself that everything is okay. The only difference from the usual moments is: he’s not okay. At the age of twenty-two those innocent thoughts of a child, who didn’t know what the pain of losing his soulmate was, hit different.

After that, Minho can’t calm down even when he gets under the blanket and closes his eyes. The room is dark and quiet, but it’s not enough to make him fall asleep, because there are images from his tenth birthday right in front of his eyes, even when closed, again. His wrist is still itchy, and at some point Minho nearly loses it. He starts scratching the skin so aggressively that only physical pain stops him from going on and on, all while thinking about how much he hates everything, how much he hates himself and, surprisingly, _Jisung_ too.

No matter what happened in his life, Minho has never felt hatred towards Jisung before, not until this exact moment. He doesn’t notice it when tears start streaming down his cheeks, getting lost somewhere behind his ears, doesn’t notice that his whole face is burning with anger. For the first time in his life, Minho wishes he was like Chan, wishes he never had a soulmate in the first place, wishes he didn’t have to suffer like this and instead was simply destined to never find his half. He regrets this thought immediately, especially when he realizes that he’s not that different from Chan – except that he still had hope at least as a child while his friend was robbed even of that.

“I’m sorry, Sungie,” he whispers into the darkness once his anger dies down.

He falls asleep shortly after; his wrist finally stops itching.

////

The alarm goes off at six, making Minho groan as he opens his eyes. There’s no time to waste staying in bed today, so he forces himself to get up and almost crawls to the shower. Five hours of sleep is, however, something he can manage, because years at the medical school taught him how to push his limits beyond all the possible lines. He can function just fine with three to four hours, so five sounds almost perfect. Cold shower wakes him up way better than the alarm did, so by the time Minho gets to the kitchen for a morning coffee, he’s wide awake, feeling fresh and ready to go on with the day.

Sipping on his coffee, he hears the front door open and close with a soft click, which means Changbin isn’t as drunk as Minho predicted. And true to that, his friend enters the kitchen with a stupid, yet sober smile – well, almost. His eyes show that he’s definitely drank something, but all in all, the party didn’t cause too much damage. Or, at least, Minho hopes so, which is why he decides to ask.

“Morning,” he chirps brightly. “How was it?”

“Fine,” Changbin grumbles back, resting his head against the fridge. “Oh, cold.”

“Are you drunk or are you just already hungover?”

“Nah, I’m okay, it’s just that someone decided it’d be funny to throw a tv-remote at me. Well, Felix did.”

Right, now Minho can also see that the skin on Changbin’s forehead is still red. He holds back the desire to chuckle at how stupidly funny this scene is, because then _he_ would be the one getting hit with the tv-remote, even if they don’t have one, and that’s the last thing he needs this morning. Instead, he offers Changbin some leftovers for breakfast and goes to pack his lunch.

“But you were still right about something,” Changbin adds with a plate in his hands. “Hyunjin did win the dancing contest.”

“And what about his soulmate?” Minho nearly sings this phrase, because Hyunjin’s obsession with finding his soulmate has been a huge pain in the ass for all of them.

“No such luck,” Changbin snorts. “Perhaps his Seungmin is just a good boy who never goes out and spends all of his time in libraries or something. He’s just wasting his time, and ours too, at that point.”

“Could be that, too,” Minho replies, referring to the library part. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he met his soulmate in the library. Too bad he never goes there.”

“Well, you know how he is. It’s not a part of his university schedule and he’d rather spend more time perfecting the choreography that reading.”

“Yeah, but he still goes to parties, how smart of him,” Minho sighs and gets to his feet. “Alright, I should get going.”

“Good luck!”

Minho smiles to himself when he hears it, but chooses not to reply and steps out of the apartment. He is met with crisp morning air, his favorite weather, which makes him want to take a walk, but there’s no time left for it, so he opts for only walking to the nearest bus stop. The hospital is just four stops away, so he arrives right on time despite missing the first bus; he’s not the only person among his classmates to work at this place, but he assumes that the other two people are either running late or have a night shift today – which sounds very true to him.

Once inside, he greets all the nurses and then hurries to the on-call room, where doctor Park is already waiting for him.

“Ah, Minho, it’s good to see you again,” the doctor tells him with a smile.

“Same goes for you, doctor.”

That’s actually very true: he’s known this man for two years and so far all their interactions have been nothing but pleasant. He’s a professional, who’s also got really nice sense of humor and always makes sure that both the students and the nurses in the cardiology department feel comfortable at work – as comfortable as one can be in the hospital. Doctor Park wins everyone’s trust by treating them all equally, making the students feel important and included too, which is the main reason why Minho is so glad to be back to this exact hospital.

“Alright, I’m not taking you for morning rounds today, I’ll let you adjust to being here first, okay? You have a night shift tomorrow, by the way. Would you like to go through the case histories now or tomorrow? There’s not much for you to do today, just simple things like checking blood pressure, giving out the pills and walking our patients to where they have to be today. As simple as that.”

“Are the pills prepared already?” Minho asks, biting on his lower lip: he doesn’t want to mess up on his very first day. “If not, then I’d rather take a look at everyone’s case history before getting to work.”

“Yeah, they’re all ready, no need to worry about it today.”

Minho lets out a sigh of relief when he hears that; he didn’t even notice he was holding his breath the whole time. He nods and unconsciously reaches to scratch his wrist that stopped itching yesterday; it feels so natural to do it all the time now that Minho isn’t sure he can get rid of this small habit any time soon.

“Come on then, some of our patients need to take their medicine before breakfast, so it’s better for you to get ready too.”

Doctor Park leads Minho to the table, where a fairly old lady is writing something on a bright-yellow post-it note. The man clears his throat to make their presence known, and then tells her that Minho will take care of everything from that moment on. Minho assumes she’s been on a night shift, from the way it takes her a few moments to realize that she’s actually done for the day, and offers her a smile, which, as he hopes, will assure her that he is actually capable of taking care of this kind of work.

“We’re always short on people, so sometimes we all have to work more than we’re supposed to. Like I said, it’s good to have you here.”

“I’ll do my best,” Minho promises as he sits down and looks at the post-it note that this nurse wrote for him.

“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to find me or ask someone else here, okay?”

All Minho does is nod, already too immersed in his work to say anything, but doctor Park seems to be satisfied with that and leaves him alone. Needless to say, now that he’s left more or less on his own, Minho feels nervous, but it’s not as bad as he thought it would be. Everything is marked and written down for him, all the necessary papers are already placed on the table, and the schedule for each patient is right in front of his eyes.

Ten minutes before breakfast, he calls two patients to take their pills. There’s nothing too difficult with that: he smiles at them and, once he gets two bright smiles in return, Minho finally relaxes. He’s always wanted to work with children: they are innocent in the best way possible, mostly optimistic and kind – if not always to each other, then at least to the elders. Minho wanted to help people ever since he was a child himself, so he is happy now; he finally feels happy, feels that he’s found his place.

Once everyone’s done with their medicine and morning rounds are over, Minho takes two little hands and shows them the way to the x-ray room. He waits for them patiently, although he can already feel the rumbling of his stomach, which reminds him he still hasn’t eaten his lunch. When they get back and his little patients run away from him to play games, Minho quickly stretches his limbs and goes back to his table. He’s surprised to see someone standing there, clearly waiting for him, although he is sure there’s nothing important to do until three in the evening – he checked the schedule four times.

“Can I help you?” Minho asks cautiously, careful not to scare the guy.

“Yes, actually.”

Minho sits down and looks up at the guy, finally getting to see his face. For a brief moment, he feels utterly confused: his patient isn’t a child (which he already noticed from his height), but he also doesn’t look old enough to use any kinds of honorifics. He’s probably around sixteen, Minho thinks to himself, although it’s hard to say because he’s got the most adorable chubby cheeks, and it makes him look a lot younger.

He doesn’t get to get this thought train to its final stop, however, because their eyes meet then, and, damn, the guy’s eyes _sparkle_. He’s got big, beautiful sparkling eyes, mesmerizing enough for Minho to forget about everything in this whole world: all he can see at this moment is _his patient’s_ eyes, that are so attractive and bright they could hold galaxies inside. He opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it, too bewildered to function properly.

What surprises him even more, though, is that the guy doesn’t even look embarrassed or annoyed: if anything, he looks rather shy, as if he’s been staring at Minho this whole damn time too. It takes Minho a few more moments to calm down and get back to work, and this time he tries to avoid the guy’s gaze – just in case.

“Doctor Park told me I need to start checking my blood pressure three times a day, starting from today. He said you’d do it.”

At that moment, Minho finally remembers he’s actually supposed to be a nurse here, and can feel his cheeks turn red from embarrassment. To be honest, he’s never been this confused in his whole life, but he lets it slide for now and decides he’ll think about it later.

“Sure, yes. Sit down, please.”

The guy smiles at him, and Minho catches himself thinking that his smile could actually rival Chan’s smile, which, as they all collectively agreed, is brighter and warmer than the sun. He sits on the chair, facing Minho, and even rolls up the sleeve of his flannel while Minho gets everything ready.

When Minho takes his wrist, the one free of a soulmate-identifying mark, to adjust the blood pressure monitor, he feels electricity rush through his whole body – a long forgotten, yet still _familiar_ feeling. He shakes his head to get rid of this stupid illusion, fully convinced it’s just something wrong with the monitor, and gets on with his task. While waiting, however, he can’t help but glance at the guy’s other wrist, where he sees… _his own name written in bright yellow._ Minho can’t control the shocked impression on his face, can’t control his own fingers, can’t blink, can’t even breathe properly – he just goes numb, because this can’t be true.

This absolutely cannot be true, it’s just impossible, there’s no way on earth that this guy right on front of him has _him_ of all people as his soulmate. The reason is pretty simple to understand: his soulmate, Jisung, has died long ago, and the universe never does _that_ to innocent people – your soulmate can die before you meet them, you can not have a soulmate whatsoever, but you can’t have someone else’s soulmate.

Minho can feel his heart beating somewhere in his throat as he stands up, the guy with sparkling eyes and his blood pressure left behind and almost forgotten; he rushes towards the on-call room where he hopes to find doctor Park. The guy yells something, but Minho can’t hear it, _refuses_ to even listen to it, because all of his thoughts are about the name on his wrist and Jisung’s name written in black on his own wrist.

He opens the door, keeping his fingers crossed behind his back. He’s right: the man is in the middle of having lunch with a cup of coffee, which is probably the most common sight in the hospital. The doctor almost chokes on his coffee once he notices how pale Minho’s face looks, but right when he’s about to ask something, Minho feels another sharp twinge – and it’s so painful, so overwhelming that he faints right there.

So, maybe he actually _did_ mess everything up on his very first day at the hospital.

With that thought, he slowly opens his eyes, trying to understand where he is and what’s happening. He feels that he’s lying on a leather couch and figures out he’s still in the same room, but it seems that a few hours have already passed, judging by the way this room is lit now. As soon as he makes a move to stand up, he’s stopped by doctor Park’s firm hand.

“No way, don’t try to move too much” he says with a stern look. “How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” Minho replies weakly, it almost comes out as a whine.

His head feels heavy, and the memories of today are all a blurry mess in his head, but something… He thinks of those sparkling eyes and winces in pain, which doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Can you call someone to pick you up? I’m not letting you finish the day like this, so you’re free to rest until your night shift tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I will… I will call my friend.”

Careful not to move too fast, Minho fishes his phone out of his long white coat’s pocket and sends a quick text to Changbin.

**_from: meowho_ **

_hey binnie can you please pick me up from the hospital if you’re not busy_

_and please call chan and hyunjin, i need an emergency meeting today_

_in our apartment_

_it’s really urgent_

_i’m sorry to disturb you_

The answer from Changbin comes almost immediately, as if he was waiting for Minho to text him.

**_from: binnie_ **

_sure thing hyung_

_omw_

_questions later, right?_

A faint smile adorns Minho’s face when he sees the messages, but he chooses not to respond - not right now. He can still feel doctor Park’s eyes on him, and he knows there’s no way they’re not having a talk about what happened today.

“What was that?” the doctor asks, voice laced with concern. “You made everyone so worried, and you even somehow made our usually bubbly and happy Jisung cry.”

 _Jisung..?_ That name startles Minho and makes him sit up immediately, looking at the doctor with wide eyes. This can’t be-

“I’m so sorry, doctor. I promise it won’t happen again,” is all Minho says, however, biting on his lip so hard it starts to bleed. “Is he alright?”

The question slips from his lips so naturally that Minho doesn’t even realize it. He can feel that he’s blushing once he does, but tries to remain unbothered, to at least pretend that he doesn’t actually care. If doctor Park notices it, he doesn’t comment on that, for which Minho is very grateful, and instead just assures him that Jisung is doing fine – he’s just too sensitive, so it’s not unusual for him to freak out because of such scene, especially considering that he was the one who might’ve caused it.

Changbin calls him right when his brain focuses on the thought that he _hurt_ his soulmate the very moment they met, so Minho doesn’t get to spend too much time beating himself up over it. He knows he’ll come back to it later, perhaps in the dead of night, but for now he just thanks the doctor again and hurriedly leaves the hospital. He’s not surprised to see not only Changbin, but also Chan and Felix standing by the car, waiting for him; mostly because it’s actually Chan’s car that Changbin is driving today (although he borrows it so often that it’s hard to tell now), but also because he actually called those two as well.

Felix doesn’t waste time waiting for him to come closer and instead runs towards him, so in a second Minho finds himself in Felix’s warm embrace and can’t hold back a tired smile. Felix is the literal sunshine, and it’s just impossible to resist his cuteness, but when he asks Minho if everything’s alright in that low voice of his, Minho actually realizes how worried his friends are. Chan looks at him with a slight frown on his face, while Changbin settles for giving him _a look_ , with one eyebrow raised.

Minho just shrugs, knowing that his friends know him all too well to believe that nothing serious happened, but gestures for them to keep all their questions to themselves until they’re home. There’s his favorite playlist playing in the car, and, for once, Minho isn’t sure who’s idea that was – usually Felix is the one doing such small things that instantly make everything better, but today it could be any of them.

“Hyung, are you sure that you’re feeling okay?” Felix asks again from the backseat, with his head resting on Chan’s shoulder.

“Yeah, what’s the emergency?” Chan chimes in too.

Minho sighs: part of him wants to spill everything right now, but another part tells him to wait, because, first, Changbin is currently driving and Minho knows how he will react, and also, Hyunjin isn’t here yet, and Minho honestly doesn’t feel like repeating it all over again – and leaving his friend out of their first conversation, too. They’re all waiting for him to say something, even Changbin tenses too, but Minho decides to ignore them for a moment and actually think of what he’s going to tell them once they’re back in the apartment.

He can’t just say “so, I met Jisung today”, can he? But then again, what else can he tell them when he isn’t sure about anything himself? Of course, he should’ve payed more attention to all the signs from the universe, but how was he supposed to guess that he was just about to meet his soulmate, who, he believed, was dead for twelve years? Obviously, now all the random signs, memories and events seem to fit together, creating a clearer picture, but he’s sure he still misses the most important piece of this life-puzzle, the one that will explain everything.

Minho knows exactly where to look for the answer to this question, but, having spent twelve years thinking that he was never going to meet his soulmate, he isn’t sure if he’s ready for it yet. Tomorrow’s night shift at the hospital seems like the perfect opportunity to find it out, but for now he decides to settle for only telling his friends everything he’s sure about.

“Hyunjin is already waiting for us,” Felix breaks the silence, bringing Minho back to reality, as he looks at his phone.

“Did he get the food?” Changbin asks, already looking for a place to park the car.

Felix doesn’t say anything, to which Changbin pouts, and, if on any other day Minho would tease him about it, today he keeps it to himself. He’s always been pretty quiet, but today beats all the records and he knows his friends are aware of this, but only keeps biting his lips in order to stop himself from spilling everything right there.

Hyunjin greets him with a tight hug as well (but first shoves two bags full of snacks in Changbin’s hands), but once they finally get inside and sit on the couch, with Felix taking his favorite spot on Changbin’s lap, they all start looking at Minho expectantly, making him feel like he’s done something wrong in middle school and is now about to get scolded for it.

“Alright, so, our tenth emergency meeting has now… began,” Chan announces with a serious face.

Minho takes a deep breath, fingers playing with the hem of the white coat he still wears. There’s no pressure, but Minho still feels as nervous as if he’s just about to perform a surgery – although he’s never done that, he can almost guarantee that it’d be something similar.

“Please promise me you won’t freak out as much as I did,” he almost begs quietly, but is only met with confused faces. “So, I fainted in the hospital.”

“Oh my god,” Felix whispers dramatically, but he looks genuinely concerned.

“But it’s not your first time there and you've never been afraid of anything like that, so there must be a big reason for that, right?” Hyunjin guesses.

Minho nods: his friends know him really well.

“Yesterday, when Changbin left for that party, something weird happened. I didn’t think about it much, because, you know, whatever is related to Jisung doesn’t bother me as much anymore – I don’t know what the universe, or Jisung, could possibly want to warn me about, so I try not to pay too much attention. But yesterday I felt like I hated Jisung… for the first time in my life, and I even said it out loud. My wrist had been itchy ever since the dates got confirmed, so I was really pissed about it. It’s the most uncomfortable feeling, especially when you know for a fact that it doesn’t mean anything. I got so angry yesterday because I somehow bumped into the shelf where I keep my old letters to Jisung, and one of them fell on the floor. It was a really old one, where I was basically telling him that soulmates often meet each other once they graduate from university. I didn’t know I was going to a med school then, so I assumed I would graduate at twenty-two, which is now, and I said I wished we could meet earlier than this. And then the wrist thing happened on my tenth birthday, and we all knew that Jisung died. He died! So I got really pissed because of that letter yesterday and couldn’t even sleep, I was so, so angry. But let’s get closer to the topic. I was doing simple tasks today, you know, the basic ones.”

“Like pills and stuff?” Felix asks, to which Minho nods.

“I was just about to go have lunch, but then I noticed someone waiting for me at the table. This person needed me to check their blood pressure, which I was totally fine with, it’s just a few more minutes before lunch, but then… I saw his eyes, and they fucking _sparkled_.”

“Wait, are you sure you’re the Minho that we all know? You’ve literally never said a curse word unless you were drunk.”

“Yes, Hyunjin, you heard this right,” Minho tells him with a heavy sigh. “And when I wanted to adjust the monitor on his wrist, the one without a name on it, I felt like electricity went through my whole body.”

“That’s what sometimes happens when you meet your soulmate, but it has to be a very strong bond,” Hyunjin says as if he was a true expert on that matter.

“Shut up, Jinnie,” Felix, who previously listened with his mouth open, shushes him.

“Long story short, he had my name on the other wrist. I met Jisung today. I met Jisung without realizing it was him, and my body reacted in such a weird way, that I fucking freaked out and ran away. I don’t know what I was hoping to find in the on-call room, but instead of finding anything, I just fainted and embarrassed myself in front of everyone. Doctor Park then told me Jisung cried because of me.”

“Are you sure it’s him?”

“Yes, hyung. It’s him. I can’t tell you more right now, there’s still something I need to check first, but it’s him, one hundred percent.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'd mean a lot if you could share your thoughts on this chapter in the comments! This part was the most difficult to write, as it's heavily inspired by my personal experience (sadly, minus the happy things), but it's also my favorite, so, please, do comment if it's not too difficult for you^^  
> Thank you!
> 
> Side note: isn't Hyunjin just the softest baby in this story? I love him so much :(

“Holy fuck,” Felix mutters quietly.

Everyone, as if on command, turns their heads to Felix, who blushes under their shocked gazes. For a moment, Minho forgets about what happened today, and lets out a loud, genuine laugh when he sees the others’ reaction to that. It’s hard to tell who’s more surprised, but to Minho they all look equally funny, even though he knows that in reality it’s probably not as funny as he thinks now.

Chan sits there with his mouth open slightly, scratching the back of his head, utterly confused and shocked, he’s even a little bit angry at himself for somehow missing the fact that Felix got under someone’s bad influence. Hyunjin stops blinking for at least twenty seconds before he starts shaking his head in disbelief, while Changbin just stares at Felix with wide eyes as if his soulmate was a ghost.

Minho must admit that he’s enjoying this scene a little bit too much.

“What?” Felix asks, confused and even somewhat scared because of all the unexpected attention.

“I guess they all believed you were the innocent sunflower who’s never done a single bad thing in your life,” Minho explains it to him, while his friends can only nod, still shocked.

“As if,” Lix snorts at that, making Hyunjin laugh and Changbin frown. “Why can’t you accept the fact that I’m an adult and I can actually be more than a baby now?”

“We’re not having this conversation again,” Changbin says, rolling his eyes, which makes Felix pout, but not in a cute way – he looks rather angry.

When Felix opens his mouth to start arguing, Hyunjin sees how Minho sighs quietly and comes to the rescue, reminding everyone that they’ve actually gathered here for a different reason which is not discussing Felix’s behavior. It takes a while to make them calm down, but eventually they come back to the actual topic of their meeting.

“But meeting him is a good thing, isn’t it?” Chan asks carefully, because it’s hard to tell if Minho is happy or not.

Truth to be told, Minho is as confused as they all are, maybe even more. He isn’t sure what he’s feeling right now, and doesn’t know what he should do next – which is why he desperately needed to see his friends today. Yes, it’s obvious that he should at least try talking to Jisung, apologize for their most awkward first meeting that didn’t end well, but the thing is: he’s scared. He spent twelve years thinking that his soulmate died, so to suddenly find him is a surprise, to say the least. Minho doesn’t know how to explain this situation to Jisung, who has no idea how much Minho suffered, what he’s been through.

“I don’t know, hyung,” he admits quietly. “This whole situation is such a disaster.”

“Hey,” Hyunjin says softly and pulls Minho closer, making him rest his head against Hyunjin’s chest. “It’s okay to be scared, to not know what step to take next. There’s no shame in that.”

Hyunjin can be really annoying at times, but he’s one of Minho’s best friends for a reason, and this has just once again proved it. Hyunjin is naturally a kind, soft-hearted person who really tries to understand others’ feelings, and Minho sincerely appreciates his support right now. Cuddling with Hyunjin is soft and warm, and he smells so comforting that Minho doesn’t stop himself when he feels his inner walls break down. When he starts sobbing in Hyunjin’s chest, the others keep quiet, and even Felix stays still because he knows no one is allowed to touch Minho right now, no one, but Hyunjin.

“It’s okay, hyung, it’s okay,” Hyunjin whispers as he gently rocks them back and forth, patting his back in order to calm him down. “We understand it’s difficult for you. You’ve been through a lot, and you had to live with this thought for years, but now all your life must change because of it, and you shouldn’t feel ashamed because of how _this_ makes you feel. It’s alright.”

Felix, who’s been watching this while still sitting on Changbin’s lap, tears up too, and hides his face in his boyfriend’s shoulder so that no one notices it. Hyunjin does, however, see this, and nudges Chan with his foot; Chan, too lost in his own world, comes back to reality right away and suggests something he’s the best at.

“Group hug!” he announces like the true adult he is.

Chan is smiling to hide the fact that it hurts him too, he smiles to make everyone believe there are still good things in the world, no matter how badly you’re hurting. And they do believe, as they slowly crawl to his embrace, feeling safe and comfortable with Chan’s arms around them. It takes some time for everyone to calm down, but once Hyunjin wipes away the last tears from Minho’s cheeks, he gets a weak smile in return and knows they’ll be okay.

“Hyung,” Hyunjin begins once the atmosphere is back to peaceful.

Minho hums to show that he’s listening, his head still on Hyunjin’s shoulder – because that way he feels warmer, better and _safer_. Chan looks at them with a proud smile, but neither of them notices.

“Now that it happened, there’s nowhere to run from it. You always loved Jisung, didn’t you? Listen, what I’m about to say may sound stupid, but… isn’t it good that you got a chance to embarrass yourself in front of him after getting lost in his eyes instead of never seeing him? Isn’t it good that after all you still met him, even if we all believed it was impossible? Isn’t it good that he’s alive, breathing and smiling, that his eyes sparkle like tiny galaxies and that he can actually talk to you?”

“I’m afraid of talking to him now, Jinnie,” Minho replies with a sigh. “He doesn’t know anything. He might have felt the same way, but he couldn’t see his name on my wrist, I always wear something to cover it when I’m in the hospital. It was also my first day, so I didn’t have a name tag yet. It’s more complicated, now that I think about it.”

“But what if he felt it too? What if he cried because he thought you didn’t want to accept him? We can’t be sure, of course, but just imagine how scared he feels right now if it’s true. You can’t just avoid him, Minho, you’re better and stronger than this.”

Minho just shakes his head with a faint smile: he finds it so endearing that he gets the best advice on love life from friends who haven’t been in a relationship yet. He knows they’re right, and just thinking that Jisung might have cried because of their bond tugs at his heart.

“Whatever you do, we’ll be by your side, okay?” Changbin gives him a pat on the back, and Felix nods too, agreeing with him.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Minho admits honestly, making them all start cooing over him.

Right, he’s not that kind of a person who would openly talk about his feelings, and Jisung will have to get used to this – that is, if they end up together after all those years. For some reason, Minho has a feeling that Jisung is the complete opposite of him, and this thought makes him both excited and nervous. There’s so much for them to discuss, so much to share; and for once, Minho doesn’t feel scared – as he promised to protect Jisung and be a good hyung to him. Yes, that was seventeen years ago, but Minho isn’t the one to break his promises, right?

Since they all decide to stay over and Minho has to share his bed with Hyunjin, he doesn’t think much about the situation before falling asleep. He’s not sure what kind of magic Hyunjin has, but just his presence beside is already comforting for everyone, and Minho really hopes that the mysterious Seungmin will soon find his way into Hyunjin’s life – because his friend deserves to be happy, deserves to have someone who’d always need him and always be in the mood for cuddles, because neither Minho nor Changbin like that kind of affection.

Once Minho enters the hospital late in the evening, he feels his legs turn into jelly right away. Doctor Park has already left and everything is unusually quiet, but Minho likes it that way: it’s easier for him to focus when everyone’s busy minding their own business. He greets the nurse he hasn’t seen before, and she gives him a reassuring smile as she starts packing her things. Minho isn’t even jealous: he likes night shifts better, because it’s usually more peaceful – and, well, there’s not much to do, so he can spend some more time studying. Even at work, he never stops studying.

“Doctor Park asked me to give you those case histories, here you go. He also said you might find the first one interesting. He’s actually right, it’s a unique opportunity to see what happens to a child after surgery years later. He’s just about to turn eighteen, so it’s been almost thirteen years since his surgery. And it was also an experimental one, so it must be really interesting for you as a student. Well, I’ll leave you to it!”

“Thank you,” Minho says with a polite smile and waves her goodbye.

As he takes his seat, he looks down at the table and notices, just like he expected, that the first case history, on top of other folders, is Han Jisung’s. He isn’t sure if the doctor figured it all out by just paying attention to his reaction, or if he really simply thought it’d be interesting for Minho as a future doctor; either way, he _is_ interested. He knows that this small paper folder will reveal the most important and confusing secret of his whole life, so he makes sure there’s no one around before he takes a deep breath and opens it. There’s no turning back now, he thinks to himself as he flips through the pages, looking for the most important one.

He finds it almost immediately, and, although it confirms his previous assumptions, it still doesn’t explain everything. He learns that at the age of five Jisung went through a heart surgery, that was done in an experimental method, but still required his heart to be stopped, even though it wasn’t the usual open-heart surgery. So, technically, Jisung really _died,_ or, rather, had his heart stopped for a certain period of time. That, however, doesn’t explain why things didn’t get back to normal once the surgery was over: the best explanation Minho can come up with is that the universe glitched on that day, and yet it still doesn’t satisfy him.

Minho sighs and decides to at least finish going through Jisung’s case history – this time because he’s genuinely interested and also doesn’t want to say or do something that may hurt Jisung even more. However, he only gets to read two more pages before he hears someone’s quiet steps, the sound only getting closer. It’s already past bed time, so Minho is a little surprised, but looks up from the papers nonetheless.

He finds it difficult to hold back a smile when he sees Jisung waddling to him through the quiet hospital hallway. He looks so soft and _sleepy_ that Minho feels the sudden urge to hug him and just never let go anymore. His hair is a mess and he has mismatched socks on, which makes Minho assume he’s just got out of bed. Jisung has this look of determination on his face, and Minho gulps when he realizes this conversation can’t be avoided – even if Jisung hasn’t guessed they were soulmates.

“Hi,” Jisung mumbles once he stops by the table, Minho watching him closely. “I mean, sorry…”

“It’s okay, I’m not that much older than you,” Minho smiles at him, already fond of the way that Jisung blushes. “You’re here to check your blood pressure?”

“I forgot about it before,” Jisung mutters quietly, but then nods slowly. “I’m not disturbing you, right?”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Minho assures him and offers a chair for him to sit down.

Jisung does just that, but he can’t sit still, clearly nervous – Minho recognizes all those signs: Jisung’s playing with the hem of his oversized hoodie, refuses to let their eyes meet and keeps biting his lips. When Minho reaches to take Jisung’s hand, he flinches and blushes red, mumbling something about being perfectly capable of doing it himself.

It really confuses Minho, because up to this moment he was almost sure Jisung was this nervous simply because he knew he was around his soulmate, but now… He doesn’t press, however, and lets Jisung do everything on his own, only writing down the result once it’s done. He expects Jisung to get up and leave, and thinks of other ways to talk to the younger without scaring him away, but Jisung surprises him once again and stays.

“M-Minho…Minho-hyung…” he begins quietly and Minho notices that his hands are trembling slightly.

He wants to take them in his hands, but knows he’s not allowed to and instead looks at Jisung’s face. He raises his eyebrows to show Jisung that he’s listening, but doesn’t say anything.

“You didn’t have your name tag yesterday, but I…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, hiding his face behind the sleeves of his hoodie, and, damn, Minho is so whipped already because he finds that adorable too.

“You felt that too?” he asks, a little hopeful yet afraid of what’s to come.

“Yes,” Jisung whispers and his voice sounds like he’s about to cry. “I’m sorry I made you feel uncomfortable. I was always worried that you’d reject me because of the way I look and behave, but yesterday, when I saw you… Yes, I felt you were my… my soulmate, but I always expected something like this. You’re way too handsome for me, perfect even, I would say. I’m _so_ sorry you have my name, sorry for being your soulmate, you deserve someone better than me. We don’t even have to be friends, if you don’t want to.”

Jisung sniffles quietly, still hiding behind the sleeves of his hoodie, and he looks so small, tiny even, that Minho can’t resist the urge to pull him in for a hug anymore. Jisung’s eyes go wide when he finds himself in Minho’s warm embrace, and he even lets himself be a little hopeful for a moment before he reminds himself that no one in this whole world would want to be in love with him.

For a few moments, they both keep quiet, the only thing disturbing the silence is Jisung sobbing on Minho’s shoulder. Minho thinks that, even though he doesn’t know Jisung well yet, he can’t seem to _not_ love this guy. Jisung seems to have everything Minho’s missing, and Minho can already feel that they complete each other more than anyone else could, but he can also feel that Jisung is hurt, and has no idea what to do to make it better.

Jisung, on the other hand, feels the same about Minho, but years of being an outsider in every company except for their “broken” club (consisting of Seungmin, who felt like he was going to be the most boring person for his soulmate with a perfect name Hyunjin, and Jeongin, who didn’t have a soulmate and was still struggling to accept it because he’s always dreamed of having his own perfect love) taught him that no one can like him. Especially not Minho, who looks like a prince compared to his squirrel-like face.

“Jisungie, please, listen to me,” Minho asks in a soft voice, still holding him tight.

“Okay,” Jisung breathes out and closes his eyes, bracing himself for the worst.

“You don’t have to believe my words, but I’ve always loved you, Sungie.”

Minho decides to start with the most important information because he can feel how fast Jisung’s heart is beating and knows he must find a way to calm him down quickly. From what he managed to read before Jisung came to him, Minho knows Jisung can experience an anxiety attack from feeling too overwhelmed, and if that’s the case, then the rest of their story can wait. It’s midnight, after all, and he doesn’t want Jisung to be feeling too many emotions at once before going to bed – and he’ll personally make sure his boy is going to bed soon, no matter how tempting it looks to spend the whole night holding him in his embrace.

Jisung doesn’t respond, and Minho isn’t sure if the younger even heard him, but still continues.

“Meeting you has been my dream ever since I first saw your name on my wrist. I found it so adorable that you were younger, because I felt I would be able to protect you, help you and be a good hyung, someone you would trust. I liked that, and I wanted us to meet as soon as possible, because I loved you – always did. I wrote you so many letters, and I never stopped doing that, not even when…”

“When what?” Jisung asks so quietly that Minho almost misses it.

Minho takes a deep breath as he slowly pulls away and rolls up the sleeve of his white coat, taking off the bracelet he uses to hide Jisung’s name on his wrist when at work. Jisung looks at it with wide eyes, clearly confused; he blinks fast as his jaw drops, and he doesn’t even have anything to say. Minho isn’t sure if he understands it correctly, so he quickly explains what it means.

“I’ve read about it,” Jisung admits a few moments later. “When I met my friend Jeongin, who doesn’t have a name. A person. I wanted to help him and saw this, but I didn’t know… I really didn’t know… I’m so sorry for making you suffer. You had to live thinking that your soulmate was dead, while I wished I was like Jeongin – not because I didn’t want a soulmate, but because I knew you wouldn’t want me. No one would want to date an ugly squirrel, who never knows when to shut up.”

“I do,” Minho assures him quickly. “But we don’t need to rush things. If you need time to accept that there actually are people who can and do like you, I understand and I won’t press. I waited for seventeen years, thinking I’d never get to meet you, and, you know, now the wait doesn’t scare me – because I will know you’re out there somewhere, living your own life. It’s okay if we take it slow. It’s okay if you reject me, too. I want you to be happy, Jisung, always wanted that.”

“But isn’t it too much trouble?” Jisung asks, still refusing to look at him.

When Minho opens his mouth to say that Jisung can’t ever be a trouble for him, Jisung yawns and tries to hide it with his palm, but Minho’s pretty observant to not notice it. Minho sighs, but Jisung still pretends that nothing happened, although he definitely struggles to keep his eyes open, too tired to even think. Minho isn’t sure if he will even remember at least half of this conversation in the morning, but he’s glad that Jisung looks shy, and not uncomfortable or scared. This is already a good sign, he believes.

“I’ve been writing letters to you ever since I learned how to write. I still keep them all, so if you like the idea, I could bring them here – and you would know how much you mean to me. We could take some time to get to know each other, but I promise, meeting you is already the best thing to ever happen in my life.”

“Okay,” Jisung mumbles quietly, the blush coming back on his cheeks. “I’d love that.”

“Now, let’s get you to bed.”

Jisung whines (which somehow becomes Minho’s favorite sound, although he _hates_ it when his friends do that) when Minho gets up and tugs on his sleeve to make him stand up too. He shakes his head stubbornly, but still holds onto Minho’s wrist to steady his sleepy form, and eventually lets Minho lead him to where his bed is. It’s only now that he notices his mismatched socks and a few small stains of toothpaste on his hoodie, and it makes him fall on the bed face down with an embarrassed groan. Minho only chuckles at that and lets himself ruffe Jisung’s hair, surprised at how soft it is, further embarrassing the already red Jisung (who is happy Minho can’t see it in the faint light from the hallway).

“Hey, hyung,” Jisung whispers once Minho tucks him in and gets ready to leave – there’s still work to be done.

“Yes?”

“I have a secret that I want to share with you. I don’t believe that this is real, so tomorrow I will wake up and nothing of this night will actually exist in reality. Otherwise I wouldn’t have said it.”

“Alright,” Minho says softly, not feeling like arguing about it right now. “What is it?”

“There were moments when I didn’t think that you’d reject me. And you know what was my biggest dream back then?”

“Tell me,” Minho replies with a smile, somehow feeling that Jisung needs to see him smile. “I’m extremely curious.”

“I wanted to give you a backhug, to hug you tight and just stay like this for a few minutes. But I can’t now.”

Jisung admits that with a sad pout, and Minho isn’t sure if he should ask him about it or wait for him to open up when he feels like it. Although he hasn’t gone through Jisung’s entire case history, he’s already learned that he must be very careful around Jisung so that he feels comfortable and doesn’t get triggered by anything.

“It’s okay,” he settles for only saying this, knowing that it was the right choice when Jisung nods.

“You’re a doctor. They’ve never cared about me being an actual human being with feelings and fears, most of them treated me like I was an experiment that needed studying and that was all I got during my years here. I have to get checked every year, and I spend two weeks here – every single year. I’m glad it’s the last one here, because I’ll become an adult then, but… I don’t think I can ever trust a doctor.”

Minho wants to say that he’s only talking to him right now because the doctors managed to save his life in a really serious situation, but then thinks that Jisung probably means all the things that happened after the surgery, and decides not to mention it. He’s sure Jisung is grateful, but he can also understand where he’s coming from.

“You don’t like being touched?” he guesses, quiet to not wake up other patients.

Jisung nods.

“I like hugs, but only with Seungmin and Innie. And mom, maybe. They’re warm, and they make me feel safe, but other people don’t. When others touch me, I expect that it’s going to be painful, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable.”

Minho blinks twice when he hears Jisung mention someone called Seungmin, but decides to ask him about it later and not tell Hyunjin about it yet. He doesn’t want to give his friend false hopes, but something tells him that the universe has it all planned and that this Seungmin can be _the one_ for Hyunjin. He makes a mental note to ask about it next time he sees Jisung; there’s a question that’s more important right now.

“Did I make you feel that way?” he asks carefully, watching Jisung’s reaction to the question. “I just need to know that, so that I don’t do it again.”

Jisung thinks for a moment, and then shakes his head slowly, bringing relief to Minho. He tried to not overstep, even if he wanted to hug Jisung or hold his hand, but he still touched the guy as if they were friends when he cried – which seems to be unacceptable for Jisung, at least around new people, and being soulmates doesn’t make him any more familiar to Jisung.

“No, but… you’re still a doctor.”

“That’s okay,” Minho assures him in a soft voice. “I will pay more attention to the things I do or say around you. Thank you for telling me, I know it’s difficult to admit and it takes a lot of courage to say it out loud.”

“Thank _you_ ,” Jisung whispers, but it’s so quiet Minho almost misses it.

“I should get back to work,” Minho doesn’t miss the slight disappointment on Jisung’s face when he says it. “I have to read a lot tonight, you know, so that I don’t become that awful doctor to others. I don’t want that.”

“Will you wake me up in the morning?”

Jisung’s voice is a little hopeful, and Minho can’t help but smile at that. He makes a promise to come back in the morning and then leaves the room, not without wishing Jisung a good night.

Once at his table again, he just sits down and stares at the wall for at least five minutes, trying to process everything that happened tonight. He doesn’t know much about Jisung, but he already feels the need to protect him, to be there for him, support and love him, and, more importantly, the need to show him that he has to start appreciating and loving himself too. Minho isn’t sure, but he guesses that’s how the soulmate bond works, and if that’s the case, he hopes to be able to help Jisung become happier.

He spends the rest of the night reading through the patients’ case histories and writing his own report, only stopping once to make himself a cup of coffee.

He hates to admit it, but he knows what Jisung meant when he said that most of the doctors treat him like an experiment, _a thing_ , of sorts, rather than a human being. For many doctors their job becomes a routine with time, and they lose the spark that was driving them towards the dream of becoming a doctor, so they start doing things as if on autopilot, not paying attention to what their patient feels inside.

Nothing interesting happens throughout his shift, except for some kids crawling out of bed to ask for a glass of water, so Minho is glad when it’s finally time to wake everyone up. He likes seeing children’s sleepy smiles when he gently shakes their shoulders and wishes them a good morning, it somehow makes him smile too. While everyone’s yawning, struggling to open their eyes, he makes sure they all check their temperature and briefly tells them what kind of procedures they’re going to have today.

Jisung’s room is the third one, and Minho’s heart skips a beat when he sees the guy smiling at something in his sleep. He lets Jisung have a few more minutes of sleep and goes to wake up other kids first, and then comes to Jisung’s bed, stopping himself right on time when he reaches his hand to gently touch his shoulder.

“Hey, Jisung,” he says softly, instead. “It’s time to wake up.”

It takes a while for Jisung to stop whining about wanting to sleep for “five more minutes” and open his eyes, but when he does, Minho can’t help but get lost in them again. Even like this, when he’s sleepy, his eyes radiate so much warmth and they still sparkle as if there were little stars in them – his own tiny galaxy.

Once Jisung gets out of bed, Minho tells him that he has a blood test today, and only realizes something is very wrong when Jisung gets all pale and drops his toothbrush on the floor. Minho frowns as he leans down to pick it up: no one told him Jisung was so afraid of needles, no one even thought that it was important information when it actually was. If he knew about it, he would have more time to prepare Jisung for this inevitable moment, would find better words, but now he has Jisung trembling in front of him and doesn’t know what to do.

The children who share the same room, having brushed their teeth already, are now looking at Jisung with a mix of curiosity and concern, but Minho knows it’s the last thing Jisung needs now, so he gently asks them to go play in the hallway before breakfast.

Jisung turns around, so that his back is facing Minho, and at first he decides to give him some space, but when Jisung keeps struggling to put on his sweater with Mickey Mouse on it, he chooses to step in.

“Here, let me help,” he whispers, fully aware of how wide Jisung’s eyes are because of the fear. “Please.”

Jisung doesn’t argue, he just lets go of the fabric and lets Minho do all the work for him while he just stands there, staring at the wall and not moving, as if he was a mannequin. Minho desperately tries to remember if he’s ever been told what he should do in this situation and regrets not having Chan around, because he’s sure Chan would handle it much better and quicker than he can. If he was qualified for it, he would suggest doing the test himself, but he knows it’s not happening, and even if he wanted to be with Jisung during those few minutes, he simply can’t – not unless Jisung specifically asks for it. And still, it’s not guaranteed because Minho is almost sure the nurse will just laugh at the fact that he, being almost eighteen, is still afraid of such a simple procedure.

“It’s okay to feel uncomfortable, Jisung,” Minho begins quietly, trying to at least get Jisung to look at him. “You’ve been through a lot, but there’s no shame in not always being the strongest person on Earth, you know? For example, I’m scared of my best friend’s boyfriend sometimes. Most of the time, he’s a tiny sunkissed fairy, but when he’s angry, it’s rather scary. He’s got a really low voice, so when he starts yelling at someone, it feels like the end of the world.”

“I know it’s normal,” Jisung sighs, still refusing to look up, biting his lips almost aggressively. “But that doesn’t make it any less scary.”

“You’re strong. You can do this, I believe in you, really,” Minho tells him with a warm smile, hoping that it can have a positive effect on Jisung. “What’s your favorite snack?”

“I don’t know,” Jisung mumbles, but Minho can see that he got Jisung thinking, which is already a good distraction. “I like cheesecake. Does that count?”

“Of course! Then, what do you think about this: to celebrate how strong you are, I’ll bring you some cheesecake when I come here for my next shift, how does that sound?”

“But hyung! Is it allowed?”

Jisung asks the question with wide eyes, but he smiles mischievously when Minho just shrugs and says that everything is allowed – as long as they don’t get caught and it doesn’t damage Jisung’s health. He promises that cheesecake is something he really is allowed to eat, already enjoying this idea more than Minho himself, who was actually the one suggesting it in the first place.

He talks about his love for cheesecake for a good five minutes, but even that doesn’t stop him from gasping and unconsciously reaching his hand to hold onto the sleeve of Minho’s white coat when they get to the door. Behind that door is a nurse with a needle that scares Jisung so much, and Minho honestly expects Jisung to let anxiety have control over him, but he proves once again just how strong he actually is – or maybe how much he wants to get that cheesecake.

Truth to be told, Minho’s shift has finished half an hour ago, right after waking everyone up and reporting to doctor Park, but he only leaves the hospital once he makes sure that everything is alright with Jisung. The guy looks like a little scared squirrel, but still manages to smile weakly when Minho gives him thumbs up and mouths “I’m proud of you”.

He starts to feel sleepy the moment he steps into the apartment, but instead of going straight to bed, he first heads to the kitchen, where he finds Changbin and Chan huddled up on the couch, discussing something music-related. They’re both too focused on the new music piece they’re working on, so it takes them a few minutes to even notice Minho’s presence. Minho sees that they look as bad as he does and assumes that they spent the whole night sitting like this, and, judging by the amount of dirty coffee cups on the table, he’s not wrong.

Still, Chan gives him a bright smile and even gets up from the couch to hug Minho, who’s a bit surprised by this sudden love from the older. It’s pretty common for Felix to constantly search for a new “skinship victim”, but Chan doesn’t do it as often as his younger brother. It feels unusual, but still nice, and yet when Changbin nudges him with his foot instead of greeting properly, everything goes back to the same old route.

“How was your shift?” Changbin asks casually while Chan volunteers to make them green tea.

Minho tells them everything, not leaving out a single detail (except for _really_ personal ones), and in the end looks at Chan with such despair in his eyes that the older can’t help but give him another hug. Chan praises him for being so patient and careful with Jisung, and also says that he’d be glad to work with him if Jisung wanted that, for which Minho is really grateful. He asks if Chan can give him any advice on how to behave and what to avoid saying, which Chan gladly does, but also adds that every situation is different and that Minho will figure it all out with time.

Minho isn’t sure if he can let himself rely on that, but also doesn’t want to bother Chan too much when he looks like he’s about to fall asleep right on the table, holding his mug tightly. He promises to talk to Jisung about getting help from Chan, quickly adding that he’ll only suggest that when he feels that Jisung is ready, which earns him a satisfied nod from Chan.

“Also… Jisung mentioned two of his friends…”

“Do they need help too?” Chan asks immediately, and is about to start complaining about how fucked up the society is nowadays, to the point where almost every teenager and young adult struggles with mental health problems, but Minho stops him before he gets to do that.

“Wait, no, I mean, I think one of them could use your help, but it’s not up to me to decide. Jisung said his friend Jeongin doesn’t have a soulmate, but he really struggles to accept it and thinks that he’s different in the wrong way. Maybe you could show him that it’s not what he thinks it to be, but let’s save it for when I at least become Jisung’s close friend, okay? I don’t want to jump into his life like this, and I really don’t feel like offering them all help right away – who knows, they may not even want it. No, I was actually talking about something else, but it should be equally interesting for both of you.”

“Okay, shoot,” Changbin raises an eyebrow at him, curious.

“One of Jisung’s friend is Seungmin.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Changbin almost chokes on his tea, so Chan has to pat him on the back to make sure that he’s alright. “You mean, Hyunjin can finally go be soft with someone else?”

“I’m not sure yet, so I hope you won’t tell Hyunjin about it. If it’s not the Seungmin he’s looking for, he’ll cry for several weeks, and I’m not a monster, so I’ll ask Jisung about it first.”

“But just imagine! Hyunjin finally kissing his soulmate and not Lix’s cheeks! Hyunjin giving hour-long hugs to his boyfriend and not me when I’m trying to work!”

“Yes, that’d be lovely,” Chan chimes in. “Not because I don’t like cuddling with Jinnie, but I just really want him to be happy. He’s the only friend of mine who’s still looking for his soulmate, and with the amount of love that he has… I just hope they’ll meet soon.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt your lovely meeting, but isn’t it time to go to bed? You two promised not to stay up late.”

Minho nearly falls from his chair when he hears Felix’s voice behind his back: he was definitely not expecting anything like that. Thankfully, Felix catches him before his butt meets the floor, and then they all burst out laughing. At first, Minho pouts, but then joins them, because the situation is actually funny and he can’t deny that. It all seems idyllic, but then Felix glares at Changbin, who still hasn’t said a word to his boyfriend, and almost starts growling, which is exactly what Minho meant when he told Jisung he was sometimes afraid of Felix.

Chan seems to be enjoying this situation, mostly because he knows they’re not actually going to argue and hurt each other with words. He’s been with Felix for twenty years and knows that he can look intimidating when he wants to, can raise his voice sometimes, but won’t ever use really offensive words; and he’s known Changbin for quite a while to be sure that he won’t hurt his little brother in any way too. Minho, however, isn’t so sure about Felix’s innocent nature, so he prefers to quickly go to his room, already preparing the bed for him and Chan – it’s obvious that they’ll have to sleep together today since Felix is here too.

For a brief moment, Minho wonders how Jisung would react if he knew about this – would he love the idea of sharing a bed or would he be completely against it? Thinking about Jisung makes him smile, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Chan, who’s been standing in the doorway the whole time, too tired to move any further.

Minho snorts when Chan makes grabby hands at him, but he knows Chan is extremely exhausted right now (otherwise he would have never done that; he’s too shy), so he helps his friend get into bed and even tucks him in, feeling like his shift isn’t completely over yet. Sometimes Chan behaves like those children Minho has to work with at the hospital, and, honestly, he doesn’t mind it one bit.

He falls asleep the moment his head touches the pillow and only wakes up when it’s already way past sunset. Chan is no longer in bed, the other side of it gone cold, and the apartment is unusually quiet for such a late evening, but Minho doesn’t pay too much attention to it. His stomach rumbles, reminding him that it’s been ages since he ate anything, so he’s forced to leave the softest and warmest bed.

The kitchen greets him with silence too, but there’s a note on the fridge telling him that Minho can feel free to eat the leftovers from whatever Felix was in the mood for cooking in the morning, and that him and Changbin will be out for the evening. Minho just shrugs, feeling grateful that he doesn’t have to cook today, and starts eating like a hungry wolf, finishing everything in record time.

He then remembers about the promise he made to Jisung and goes back to his room, where he makes sure to gather all the letters he’s written to Jisung during those years. An idea comes to mind and he quickly sits down and looks for a piece of paper he could use to write another, final letter to his soulmate. He spends more than an hour trying to convey all of his feelings, and only then packs them all to the bag he usually brings to the hospital, satisfied and somewhat happy.

Jisung is already waiting for him when Minho comes back to work, waving at him the moment Minho appears in the hallway. Today Jisung looks cheerful and Minho really, _really_ wishes he could spend hours talking to him, but he has work to do, even if doctor Park is now aware of the fact that Jisung is his soulmate.

“Hi, Sungie,” he greets the younger with a smile as he starts to unpack his things. “Here for a blood pressure check?”

Jisung nods. Minho isn’t even surprised that this time Jisung also insists on doing everything on his own and only writes down the results.

“Here, this is for you,” Minho says once it’s done.

Jisung accepts a small box with a very confused expression on his face, and Minho can’t help but chuckle at that. He mouths “cheesecake” and winks when he sees how fast Jisung’s cheeks start blushing. He doesn’t mention that there are also letters inside the box (as there is a box in… another box), but sincerely hopes Jisung doesn’t mind small surprises – and that’s not really a surprise anyway, since they discussed it before.

“Minho, can I have you for a moment?” they hear doctor Park’s voice from the on-call room.

Jisung looks a little upset when he realizes things can’t go the way he would like them to, and Minho feel his heart skip a beat when he notices a small pout forming on his lips as he turns around and takes the first step to his room.

“Hey, Jisung!”

“They’re waiting for you, hyung!” Jisung almost whines, because he doesn’t want Minho to get in trouble because of him.

“Can I visit you tomorrow? Not as a doctor, tomorrow is my day off.”

Minho tries his best not to sound too hopeful, but he knows he fails the moment he starts explaining himself. The thing is: he just really wants to see Jisung again, wants to be able to talk to him more about the things Jisung loves, discuss their interests – just talk as if they were friends, and not when Minho is wearing the white coat that obviously makes Jisung slightly uncomfortable. Jisung hesitates for a moment, and Minho is almost ready to see him shake his head and say that tomorrow his parents are visiting or something like this, but Jisung only nods, trying to bite back a smile.

“Sure, hyung!”

Once again, Minho notices how Jisung’s eyes _sparkle_ and wonders if he’ll ever get enough of that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand that's it for this work! Thank you to everyone who showed support and love, thank you for spending your time on reading this and leaving kudos, and BIG thank you to those who spent their time sharing their thoughts in the comments! It meant the world for me, really. 
> 
> I'm sending a warm hug your way, take care everyone <3
> 
> Next few chapters are bonus chapters :)

Coming into the hospital wearing casual clothes is probably the most unusual thing Minho’s experienced ever since he got into a med school. Of course, there were times when he needed to take a blood test or do an x-ray, but those are moments when he’s a patient, while entering that place where you work as a visitor is… different. He’s really grateful that doctor Park is so understanding and that he didn’t make Minho go through a whole nightmare of formalities to prove that he had the right to visit Jisung – that would be stressful for both of them.

He knocks at the door before entering the room, where he finds Jisung sitting on his bed with one of Minho’s letters in his hands. Other kids are not around, and Minho assumes they’re with parents who decided to speak with their children in a more private place than the hospital room. Jisung’s ears are bright red, and when he notices it’s Minho who knocked, his cheeks turn fully crimson too. He quickly hides the letters in a box, as if they weren’t written by Minho, as if there was actually anything to hide. Minho finds it endearing but doesn’t say anything, instead handing Jisung a small bag of brownies that Felix was so kind to bake for them.

“What’s this?” Jisung asks, curiosity written all over his face as he opens the bag. “Oh! Brownies! Did you make those?”

“No,” Minho laughs at that quietly – cooking has never been his best talent. “My friend’s boyfriend did. He’s great at that.”

“Is that the one you are so afraid of?”

“I’m normally not scared of him! He’s tiny!” Minho protests, but Jisung doesn’t even listen, already chewing on the first brownie.

“I want to meet him,” he mumbles with his mouth full.

Minho snorts, telling him to chew first and talk after that, but Jisung only rolls his eyes at that and proceeds doing both at the same time. He seems to be as stubborn as Hyunjin is when he desperately wants to cuddle with someone, and Minho isn’t sure if it’s a good thing or not. He doesn’t really think about it, though: he somehow finds himself feeling content and comfortable with Jisung, no matter what the younger does or says. Felix would say he’s totally whipped, and, though normally Minho would argue, right now he believes that Felix would actually be right.

Once Jisung is done with the cookies (at first, he insists that Minho takes at least one too, but Minho isn’t hungry and he’d much rather watch Jisung chewing happily that steal from this child), he becomes more talkative and excited, which once again surprises Minho. God, just how many little habits this boy has?

Jisung doesn’t say anything about letters, and Minho decides to not bring it up too, letting Han have the freedom to choose when he feels comfortable enough to talk about it. Instead, however, Jisung starts talking about everything in the world – from his favorite color to sleepovers he sometimes has with his friends. In just a few hours, Minho learns so many things about his soulmate that it really starts to feel that they’re friends now. He knows Jisung doesn’t fully trust him yet, but the fact the he opened up so much in such a short period of time means the world to Minho.

He suddenly realizes he wants to be Jisung’s safe space, wants to become a part of the world that Jisung isn’t afraid of, wants to be someone Jisung would feel like himself around, someone Jisung could be open with. And above it all, he really wants to show Jisung how much there is to love about him, how beautiful he is and how delicate his _soul_ is. Minho isn’t sure if it’s a real thing, but he can almost feel their bond – he makes a mental note to ask Changbin later if he feels something like this when he’s with Felix.

Jisung continues talking about the time spent with his friends, and Minho finally decides to ask the question he’s been avoiding for a few days. From what he heard about Jisung’s friends, Seungmin doesn’t seem to be the person who cares that much about meeting his soulmate, happily spending time while studying and being with friends. Minho wants to know if Seungmin really doesn’t care or want to meet his soulmate, because if that’s the case then he definitely does not understand the way this universe works (if, of course, this Seungmin’s soulmate is _their_ Hyunjin).

“Um… Jisung? Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure!”

“It’s about your friend, Seungmin. You don’t have to tell me, because you’re not him and it’s a very personal thing, but do you know who his soulmate is?”

“Why though?” Jisung asks with a slight frown on his face, but then surprises Minho even more because he _jokes_. “I don’t think you can fall for him when _I am_ your soulmate and I’m sitting right in front of you.”

Minho can’t help laughing upon hearing that; he laughs so loud that Jisung has to poke him in the ribs to stop it – or else, he knows, he would get kicked out for making too much noise for the hospital.

“Sorry, Sungie, that was so funny,” he says, still breathless from laughing too hard.

Jisung pouts once again, but the pout is quickly replaced by a smile, and then he continues.

“Seungmin is really scared that his soulmate will reject him, because he believes he’s a boring nerd who can’t be loved by anyone other than teachers. Before you ask, yes, we kind of became friends because of that, but he’s so, so much more than a boring nerd. In fact, Minnie loves writing and maybe half of his stories are about him and his soulmate having a happy life – with different names, of course.”

“I’m only asking because one of my best friends…”

“Hwang Hyunjin,” Jisung interrupts him with a quiet sigh. “Minnie thinks that even his name is already too beautiful for him. It’s not like I was the one to change his mind, you know, feeling like a misfit myself. But I tried, really.”

It takes Minho everything to not start laughing when he hears that, mostly because he’s not sure about Jisung’s reaction to that. Instead, he winks at the guy and lowers his voice down to a whisper to say that his friend’s name is Hyunjin and that he’s been looking for Seungmin for years now. Just like he expected, Jisung seems to have mixed feelings about it: he first smiles and starts clapping, already happy for his friend, then frowns and bites on his lower lip, unsure, and then smiles again, nodding to his own thoughts. Minho finds that adorable, but then again, he’s totally whipped for Jisung, so it’s not surprising.

“Is Hyunjin a good person? He won’t hurt Minnie, will he?” Jisung asks, voice laced with worry.

Minho is quick to assure him that Hyunjin is probably the softest person in the world, who somehow manages to get him and Changbin to cuddle almost every day when they dislike it on the deepest level of their souls. He says that Hyunjin has a huge loving heart, and that he really needs to find someone who will be happy to receive his love and give just as much love back, that Hyunjin deserves to be happy and, if anything, he will treat Seungmin like a prince. Minho also warns that Hyunjin acts like a koala when he’s in the mood, but, somehow, the only thing Jisung gets from all that is…

“You don’t like cuddles?”

To say that Minho is confused upon hearing this question would be an understatement; he’s completely shocked because this is Jisung asking him about _cuddles_.

He feels a little lost now.

“I know for a fact it would be difficult for me to hug someone first, you know, without an actual purpose behind it, but for the sake of cuddling in general. I don’t mind cuddles with my friends, but it’s never been my favorite thing, especially when you have two skinship maniacs in your apartment from time to time. I got used to it, but it still feels weird sometimes – not in a bad way, but yeah… It’s not really my cup of tea.”

“I see,” Jisung replies quietly, but he’s definitely not even paying attention right now.

Minho lets him be, doesn’t press, and a few minutes later Jisung gets back to their conversation.

“I like cuddles with people I trust, with people who seem warm and soft for me. _You_ seem warm.”

Jisung admits that in a whisper, with a slight blush on his cheeks, as he starts playing with the strings of his hoodie; Minho wonders if it’s because today he’s not wearing his white coat, but he’s happy nonetheless.

They don’t get to discuss it as Minho’s classmate, who also happens to be working here, comes into the room and says that it’s time to leave. Jisung once again looks upset and nervous at the same time; he’s thinking hard about something, but in the end settles for just waving at Minho with a bright smile and saying how fun this conversation was.

Minho clearly understands nothing in his life, but he can’t stop thinking about it as he walks through the park that’s near his apartment. He is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn’t notice how instead of coming home he ends up at the small studio where Chan and Changbin do most of their work. When he looks at the door, not entirely sure if he should knock (he somehow just knows that his friends are there), he suddenly remembers how Jisung admitted he loved working on music when he first got into high school.

The door opens before he can muster up the courage to knock, and it surprises Minho. Chan lets him in, muttering something about him thinking too loud as he makes his way back to the table where he and Changbin are writing something.

“What brings you here?” Changbin asks, not looking too happy – Minho can only hope it’s just because he’s tired and not because he’s annoyed by his presence. “I mean, I thought you would spend the day with Jisung.”

“Yeah, I was there, but there’s only so much time you can spend there as a visitor, so I got kicked out eventually,” Minho tells him as he sits down on their worn-out couch.

“How was it?”

“I actually came here to talk about it with Chan, that is, if you’re not too busy.”

“Sure, we were in need of a break anyway,” Chan replies way too enthusiastically, which causes Changbin to glare at him. “Binnie is sulking because Felix liked my ideas for our new song more.”

“That’s not true!” Changbin protests, but no one’s listening. “I’m just tired, that is all. Felix has nothing to do with that.”

“Yeah, whatever floats your boat,” Chan hums, already looking at Minho almost expectantly. “So, what’s the problem?”

“I asked Jisung about his friend’s soulmate, and now we can almost celebrate Hyunjin’s happy love life, but he then asked me if Jinnie was a good person. So, I told him that he’s the softest bunny ever, and I just casually mentioned that I don’t really like skinship, because, well, Jisung seemed to also struggle with that, so I thought it made a lot of sense to share my thoughts on it too. But he looked almost disappointed and then said that he likes cuddling with warm people, and that I look warm.”

“Gross,” Changbin comments from his chair, still paying more attention to the paper in front of him but also listening to their conversation.

“Yeah, it’s not like you and Felix didn’t make out passionately while Felix was sitting on our table when I walked into the kitchen to get breakfast one day,” Minho snorts.

Changbin flushes red and almost becomes one with his huge black hoodie, but that shuts him up for a moment. Chan only chuckles at that.

“And then what?” he asks a few moments later.

“Nothing! That’s the end of our conversation!” Minho almost cries desperately.

“You’re such an idiot,” Changbin tells him, and Minho can’t even glare back at him because it’s not like he can argue with that.

Indeed, he feels like a complete idiot – both for not being able to understand Jisung and for deciding to be so open with his friends about it. Chan, however, places his hand on Minho’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“That, my dear friend, means that Jisung already feels that he can trust you, but he doesn’t understand that yet. Or, if he does, he isn’t ready to accept it yet. But it’s a good sign,” Chan assures him, but all Minho can do is sigh.

“He told me he hates doctors and that he isn’t sure he can ever trust a doctor. How do I change that mindset if I truly understand what made him feel this way? He’s hurting because of doctors, and I am one of them – well, in the future, but still.”

That makes Changbin choke on his ice americano. Once he’s done coughing and complaining about life, he looks at Minho and asks a question Minho would’ve never asked himself.

“Does he know _why_ you chose to become a doctor?”

At that moment, Minho’s brain finally completes the puzzle, and he starts laughing, relieved. He realizes Jisung’s been reading his letters, in which he often mentioned how much he wants to help people, to save lives. His biggest motivation was always in Jisung, for him becoming a doctor has been the most important dream in life; and it seems that Jisung understands it too, but, more importantly, accepts and respects that. Still, Minho hopes that Jisung will eventually confirm this guess, but for now he’s content with that too.

He sits back on the couch, feeling more relaxed this time, and suddenly suggests to order a huge pizza to celebrate that. Chan looks at him suspiciously, as if wondering what’s with the sudden change in the mood, but doesn’t argue when Changbin says that he’s always up for free food, although he does insist on at least trying to finish the song before they get to food and forget about everything else.

“That actually reminds me,” Minho says quietly as he unlocks his phone to order while his friends are busy working. “Jisung mentioned he’s also into music. My life is all about suffering while being surrounded by musicians in every corner.”

“Shut up, Hyunjin is not one, and it’s not like you’re not enjoying this,” Changbin points out. “But it’s actually interesting. If he’s good, we could ask him to join us, depending on what kind of stuff he likes doing.”

“No way, you’re not recruiting my boy,” Minho reacts immediately, making both of his friends laugh. “What?”

“You wouldn’t mention it if you didn’t find the idea of him joining us interesting.”

That’s fair, Minho thinks, but still pretends to be a little offended. It doesn’t work, because they know him too well to actually believe it, but after that Minho just goes on his phone and lets them work while he checks his social media. He suddenly remembers that Jisung mentioned something about his Instagram account and regrets not asking about it back in the hospital; he tries to find his account now, but runs out of ideas ten minutes later. Maybe he should be more observant and brave next time they have the opportunity to talk.

When the pizza arrives, Minho leaves the couch and comes to sit on the floor, letting Changbin take his place with a tired groan. At first, they eat in silence, only commenting on how good the pizza is, but then Chan’s phone vibrates with a notification about a new message, which makes him frown a little.

“Is everything okay?” Minho asks, genuinely concerned.

“It’s from Felix. He says Hyunjin wants to get wasted tonight, but he’s not sure why. Probably university problems or maybe he had another argument with his parents, but you know what this can lead to, right?”

“Hyunjin getting his ass in huge trouble,” Changbin replies instead, sighing. “I swear, one day he’ll really end up in trouble and we won’t be there to help him.”

“That’s just him trying to bury the pain of not being as perfect and as happy as he is expected to be by his family and the society,” Chan explains softly, but they all know it already, so there’s no need for it. “We have to help him.”

“I can’t go with him,” Minho shakes his head. “I have work tomorrow.”

“I didn’t mean that, and I thought you’d be a little smarter,” Chan chuckles at Minho’s puzzled expression. “Let’s get him to meet Seungmin today.”

“But isn’t it… wrong?”

“Listen, I don’t have a soulmate at all, they just don’t exist, but if I really was to believe something was wrong with me just because the universe said so, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you right now. We don’t have to blindly follow the universe and wait for it to guide us somewhere. This can actually be considered as a guiding light too, don’t you agree?”

Minho regrets making Chan once again have to speak about him being “incomplete” and quickly apologizes for it. He hates moments like this, when he can’t think properly before saying things that hurt others.

“Hyung is right,” Changbin mumbles, chewing on the last slice of pizza. “You learned about it today, then came to us instead of going home, and now Hyunjin is heartbroken and wants to party to forget everything. I think the stars align.”

“Okay then,” Minho agrees after thinking for a moment. “Call Felix.”

“Why me?!” Changbin really sounds surprised, which earns him a smack on the shoulder from Chan. “Just because he’s my soulmate doesn’t mean…”

“Felix is his close friend; they spend way more time together than we spend with Hyunjin. Felix will know what to do to not make Hyunjin too suspicious of this.”

“Oh, right. What should I tell him then?”

Minho shares everything he’s heard from Jisung and they decide that Felix should pretend to feel extremely sick and ask Hyunjin to bring him a history book from the library where Seungmin usually studies. Thankfully, it doesn’t take long to convince Felix to play along, because, even though he enjoys Hyunjin’s endless love, he’d also feel a lot happier if Hyunjin was happy too. Felix promises to keep them updated, but two hours later Minho nearly falls from the couch when someone calls him from an unknown number. He hesitates before answering, because usually he would just block such people, unless he’s expecting a call, but then hits the green button and this time actually does fall on the floor, causing Chan and Changbin both to start laughing like crazy.

“Minho-hyung? Is everything alright? Is this not the best time?”

Jisung’s voice sounds concerned, but all Minho can do right now is mumble something incoherent and give his friends _a look_ that’s basically saying it’s over for them once this conversation is finished.

“It’s okay, Jisungie, I was just surprised,” maybe, Minho is lying just a little bit, because he was shocked, but Jisung doesn’t have to know this, right?

“He fell on the floor,” Changbin announces loudly and Minho groans, looking for something he can throw at Changbin’s pretty face.

He settles for throwing a pillow, having no regrets when it hits the target.

“Are you with friends?” Jisung asks, giggling quietly.

Man, even his giggles sound like music to Minho’s ears.

“Yeah, I’m just chilling while watching how they suffer while working on a new song. Why’d you call?”

“Are they musicians?” Jisung asks excitedly, completely ignoring the question.

“You could say that. I’m not, so if you’re interested, you better come directly to them.”

“Who knows, maybe I will!” Jisung promises with another giggle. “Getting your number was a struggle, and calling too, but I couldn’t stay silent… I just got a message from Seungmin, and he told me that he met Hyunjin in the library!”

“I feel betrayed now,” Minho pouts, quietly telling the others about what happened. “Why didn’t he call any of us?”

“That’s because he’s too shocked and overwhelmed by this situation. Seungmin told me he was crying and asked me if I knew how to calm him down. As if I was an expert on that!”

“What did you say?”

“To kiss him!” Jisung says proudly, and for some reason, Minho is almost sure Seungmin followed his advice.

“Oh, then we’re not hearing from him ever again,” he jokes, which makes Jisung laugh.

“At least they’re happy now. Sorry for bothering you, hyung, I’ll let you get back to watching how your friends suffer.”

Jisung will clearly fit in this group, Minho thinks to himself, already preparing for an increased number of jokes and harmless attacks on him when Jisung meets his friends.

“Don’t apologize, I was glad to hear your voice again. I was actually just trying to find you on Instagram, but my memory is pretty short, so I forgot what your account was…”

“Oh!” Jisung sounds excited now. “I’ll text you in a moment! Gotta go, it’s time for dinner!”

“Sure. Bye, Sungie.”

“Bye, hyung!”

When Minho hangs up and looks at his friends, he’s met with two confused gazes. Both Chan and Changbin have turned around in their chairs just to raise their eyebrows at him expectantly.

“Well, Hyunjin will probably get married soon,” Minho tries to make a joke, but he knows his friends already heard that part of the conversation. “What now?”

“You’re so disgustingly whipped for him,” Changbin comments with a shrug.

“He’s so whipped for you,” however, is what Chan says.

And if Minho’s heart starts beating a little faster when he hears it, he doesn’t show it. They know it anyway, right?

////

Minho’s second and final week of work at the hospital goes pretty much smoothly – no more fainting upon meeting his soulmate, no more crying on his friends’ shoulders and no more attempts to help Hyunjin find the love of his life (and Minho can’t say he’ll miss it, not when Hyunjin looks so happy and giggles every five minutes, now constantly clinging to Seungmin, who shines equally bright). Everything is back to normal, with a tiny addition to a “normal” life: Jisung becomes much more open around Minho, and every morning, when he’s not at work, starts with a lovely message from him.

Changbin doesn’t seem to ever get tired of commenting on how _disgustingly happy_ Minho looks now, but Minho knows it’s just his way of expressing love and wonders if his friend talks to Felix in the same way. But, after all, Changbin is not wrong: Minho does feel the happiest he’s ever been.

Minho spends most of his time at the hospital, and that includes his free time too, although he knows he must be preparing for lectures instead, but he just can’t seem to get enough of Jisung’s company. Now that he doesn’t look like a tiny scared squirrel anymore and lets Minho in his little world, their conversations have become way longer and much easier. Jisung still refuses to talk about Minho’s letters, but he often mentions little details that he could only get from them as Minho doesn’t talk much about himself and prefers listening to Jisung’s random stories.

Jisung seems to be content with that, and Minho is beyond happy that he’s not pressured to talk more than he’s comfortable with; the universe, for sure, created their couple as a perfect match. In fact, Jisung admits one day that he’s glad he finally found someone who would listen to him attentively without interrupting, someone who would actually care about the things and stories he talks about.

“I just love you, that’s the reason,” he says on his last day at the hospital when Jisung mentions that again.

Minho doesn’t mean to say that out loud, but when he notices it actually slipped from his lips, he feels as scared as Jisung looks upon hearing the confession. Jisung’s eyes are wide and his cheeks blush red, and for a few moments there’s this awkward silence between them, with Jisung just staring at him and Minho not knowing what to say. He’s so, so scared he messed everything up, so afraid of making Jisung feel like he insists on something, that he nearly starts crying in despair.

“Do you really mean that?” Jisung breaks the silence eventually, still looking at him with wide eyes.

Minho nods, not trusting his voice. He wants it to sound firm, not shaky, and for that he needs to calm down first. God, he sometimes wishes his life was as simple as Changbin’s was when he took the first steps in his relationship with Felix, without being scared to do something wrong – because Felix was all over him, fully trusting his soulmate from the very first moment. Then again, it’s Felix, and Felix is not Jisung while Minho is not Changbin; and honestly, Minho knows he is ready for everything life throws at him, but sometimes it’s just… really, really scary. He’s so afraid of losing Jisung, but this time losing him for real, that he almost stops breathing, waiting for Jisung to say something.

“It means a lot to me,” Jisung mutters quietly, looking away now.

Minho feels relieved, because he was already expecting the worst – such as Jisung rejecting him or suggesting that they remain friends, like some soulmates do when they don’t feel that they’re romantically interested in each other. Of course, he wants to be friends with Jisung before anything else, but he also wants to hold Jisung’s hand, hold him in his arms after a long day, kiss him in the morning and before going to bed, wants to wake up next to a sleepy Jisung, who will yawn in the cutest way possible, trying to fix the mess on his head while Minho will be attacking him with equally sleepy kisses.

Minho wants to be with Jisung on every possible level, but before that, he knows and is ready for that, comes a lot of work – he must earn Jisung’s trust, and he’s not planning to give up easily; that is, unless Jisung asks him to.

Instead, however, Jisung asks a pretty unexpected question.

“Will you teach me?” he almost whispers, tightly holding the fabric of his hoodie between his fingers, refusing to look up.

He has his fingers crossed, Minho notices, and his heart almost stops because of that.

“Teach you what?”

It’s not that Minho decided to play dumb, but he just really _needs_ to hear what Jisung wants from him.

“Teach me how to love,” Jisung breathes out, hiding behind the pillow the moment he says that.

“Only if you let me,” Minho promises. “And ask me to.”

“And how to accept love, too,” Jisung continues, this time a little louder. “I just need a little more time. Just a bit. This is so new for me.”

“Take all the time you need; I’m not going anywhere. Remember what I told you when we first talked? I’ve waited for so many years, and now that I’ve found you, I don’t mind waiting for as long as you need me to. There’s no pressure. All I want is to see you happy.”

“You’ll make me cry if you keep doing this,” Jisung mumbles, still hiding behind the pillow. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“I promise you, I won’t suddenly turn into Hyunjin and I will let you have your own space whenever you need it,” Minho decides to make a joke to brighten the atmosphere.

He smiles when Jisung giggles softly, shaking his head in disbelief.

“From what I’ve heard, Hyunjin is quite scary with his hugs and kisses, but I’ve never seen Seungmin this happy before. We had a video call yesterday and he… He was literally glowing with happiness. I don’t know what your friend did to him, but I guess, if I was to become this happy, I wouldn’t mind you turning into Hyunjin. No, wait, that doesn’t sound right. Wait, I didn’t mean it like that...”

Minho decides to ignore the last part in order to not embarrass Jisung even further.

“Relax,” is all he says about it, for which Jisung is very thankful. “As for Hyunjin and Seungmin… Well, they’re meant for each other, that explains everything. Hyunjin was… well, he still is in a very difficult situation, and this kind of love was something he needed the most. I’ll be honest with you, Seungmin might have saved his life just now, because we were failing to help him – we’ve tried so many times, but it only got worse, so eventually our attempts were all to no avail.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Jisung whispers, gently touching Minho’s shoulder. “But it’s all in the past now, right?”

“I wish it was, Jisungie,” Minho replies with a heavy sigh. “I believe you of all people know it very well, that such things don’t just disappear. But he will be okay, eventually, I know that. Seungmin will be his haven, something we couldn’t give him no matter how hard we tried.”

After this conversation, Minho doesn’t feel like going back home since today is his last night shift and it starts in just a few hours, but something inside tells him that he should be there and he’s learned to always trust his gut, so he gets on the bus that is surprisingly empty for this hour. Minho doesn’t even notice that, thinking about how once Jisung gets discharged from the hospital, they will finally be able to spend more time together without Minho making him feel uncomfortable with his white coat. At least, he hopes that Jisung will truly want to talk more often after that.

When he steps into the apartment, he’s greeted by a pretty heated argument happening in the kitchen, that is, however, still rather friendly in his opinion. Minho realizes that this is the reason why he felt the need to go home, so he doesn’t waste time taking off his jacket and goes straight to the kitchen, where he finds all of his friends trying to prove something to a very stubborn looking Hyunjin who doesn’t want to even listen to them.

“Hyung! Tell him!” Felix immediately turns to him as if he was the only sun ray on a very cloudy day.

“Tell him what?” Minho asks, extremely confused and not really willing to be their last hope because he knows how much responsibility comes with that.

“That he can’t propose to Seungmin right away! He can’t just get married like this!”

“Why not!” Hyunjin clearly doesn’t want to give up.

“Tell him!” Felix insists, and Minho suddenly feels really awkward.

“Hyunjin, you’ve known me for how many years and you still discuss important things without me? I feel betrayed,” is all he says, which is definitely not what Felix wanted to hear.

Felix expresses that with an angry poke in Minho’s ribs, but he ignores that, instead searching for Chan’s reaction to all that. To his surprise, Chan doesn’t seem to be that opposed to the idea, which probably caused the argument in the first place. Of course, Felix would expect his favorite hyung who knows about everything in life to side with him on that, and, honestly, Minho would expect that too. Chan, however, just shrugs when he notices Minho looking at him, as if saying that it’s none of his business.

“I didn’t mean to discuss it in the first place! Felix just saw my browsing history and found out I was looking for a ring, and then I had to tell him, which led to Changbin also knowing about it, and he was with Chan, so…”

Hyunjin pouts, obviously upset that his small secret was not only revealed to everyone, but also caused such an argument. Minho feels bad for him, but he is actually grateful that he got here right on time to step in and perhaps save them all from making a big mistake. He understands now why Chan didn’t want to say anything, but he doesn’t want Hyunjin to feel all this pressure for the decision he hasn’t even made yet, and at the same time he doesn’t want his friend to hurry too much without giving it more thought.

“Hyunjin, listen,” he begins carefully. “I suggest that you wait for a little bit and at least ask about Seungmin’s opinion on marriage and creating a family first. There’s no need to rush things, you know? If from his answer you see that he’s ready to do it now, then go for it, and we won’t try to stop you, but the problem is – you may scare him away, and he’ll avoid that topic for years afterwards. I understand that you know him better than any of us, but… Just take it slow, okay? You’ve only known each other for, like, a week.”

“Yeah,” Felix hums with a mischievous smirk on his face. “And in a single week they’ve already achieved bigger progress than me and Binnie did in three months. Not to mention you, hyung.”

“Stop bringing Minho into this mess,” Chan raises his voice a little. “Hyunjin can do anything he wants if that’s what his boyfriend wants too, but I agree with Minho.”

“And if tomorrow I wake you up and tell you that I’m getting married, then what?”

Minho knows that Felix only says this to annoy his brother, but it’s still funny to watch Changbin’s reaction to this. Was there really a moment when he wanted his life to be like Changbin’s? Scratch that, the guy is having it hard.

“Then I’ll just tell you to do whatever you want because you’re an adult now and you’re the one responsible for your life. Besides, if you two get married, I’ll get to see you crying happily and also be your best man. Isn’t it worth it?”

Changbin’s jaw drops at that: he clearly didn’t expect such betrayal from his close friend, especially not when it comes to his relationship with Felix. But yeah, his opinion doesn’t seem to interest the siblings at the moment. Hyunjin starts giggling at that, happy that they forgot about him at least for a moment, and Minho… Well, Minho once again realizes how crazy his friends are and how much he loves them.

After listening to Chan and Felix bickering for a few more minutes, Minho excuses himself and goes to pack his bag. The hospital is quiet and almost empty when he gets inside, and Minho is happy because this means he can finish writing his report without being too distracted. He’s learned a lot during those two weeks, but now it’s time to go back to just being a student, because there are still years before he becomes an actual doctor who will have more rights and responsibilities than he does now.

He’s so lost in his thoughts that he doesn’t even notice someone’s quiet footsteps behind him – until a pair of arms wrap around his waist, almost catching him off guard. He turns his head, both excited and scared to get his hopes up, and, he can swear, his heart stops for a moment when he’s met with Jisung’s _sparkling_ eyes.

Minho can only blink as Jisung rests his head on his shoulder comfortably, because this cannot be happening. He almost asks Jisung to pinch him just to make sure he’s not dreaming, but then Jisung giggles softly and Minho is officially lost.

“I’ve read all your letters, hyung,” Jisung whispers, his breath on Minho’s neck sending goosebumps on his skin.

“Good to know,” Minho hums, trying to pretend unbothered so that Jisung doesn’t notice how fast his heart is beating against his ribcage right now.

“I didn’t want to talk about it until I reached the last one… You were so cute as a kid, you know that?”

 _Do you even realize how cute you are right now_ , Minho almost asks, but instead continues his attempts to keep a straight face. He isn’t sure he can ever succeed at that when Jisung is around.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through it all,” Jisung continues, tickling Minho’s skin with his nose as he leans even closer. “I cried a lot while reading your letters, but I know that the pain I experienced while reading them is nothing compared to everything you felt in all those years. You’re so strong, hyung, if I were you, I’d give up way back then. But you’re different, you’re exceptional, and instead of giving up, you decided to make the world a better place by helping people. In loving memory of me, when you’ve never even seen me. Hyung, we would’ve never met if you didn’t make this decision to become a doctor, and…”

Jisung touches the fabric of his white coat, a little unsure, and then he smiles to something only Jisung knows. Minho gulps.

“Thank you for waiting, Minho-hyung. It was so hopeless – both for you and for me, but now I’ve realized that all of the years of suffering were worth it, because in the end I met you. Unintentionally, not expecting or believing that, but at the best time.”

“Jisungie…”

“Can you please either close your eyes or not look at me for a moment? It’s important for me, but I don’t want to chicken out in the very last second. Please.”

Jisung’s question isn’t really surprising, and Minho simply does as told – he can do anything if that makes Jisung feel comfortable. He doesn’t really understand what Jisung is up to, all he knows right now is that he’s about to cry because of how big and delicate Jisung’s heart is. However, he knows one thing and that is: he trusts Jisung, one hundred percent.

Jisung’s hold on his waist tightens a little and then he does the most unexpected thing that literally sends Minho’s heart on the craziest race in his whole life: he places a quick gentle kiss on Minho’s neck, pulling away almost immediately.

Minho finds it hard to breathe, but Jisung seems to be in the mood to kill him right there because…

“I think I’m in love with you, Minho-hyung,” he says, and although his hands are trembling slightly, his voice is firm.

Jisung’s eyes _sparkle_ and the light from Minho’s favorite galaxy that is in his eyes would probably be enough to light up the whole sky right now. Jisung’s eyes _sparkle_ when Minho pulls him in for a hug, and they’re both smiling at each other. He’s warm and feels so tiny in Minho’s arms, but what’s more important is that he hugs back just as tight.

Minho is so, _so_ whipped for Jisung. And if he knows anything about love, he definitely does love Han Jisung, his soulmate, who also happens to be the most beautiful person on Earth.

He feels happy – even if it took him seventeen years to experience the feeling of being genuinely happy, completely satisfied and calm. He finds home in Jisung and this feeling cannot be described with words. Of course, Minho isn’t a fool to believe that Jisung’s confession means that they’ll immediately start dating, but now that he’s heard it in words, he knows that one day Jisung will be ready for it, that Jisung wants to try it and trusts him to be in lead. And Minho makes a silent promise to be there for him, no matter how difficult it is; he knows that together they will be okay.


	5. bonus: emergency meetings (1-4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Some of you were curious about the 9 emergency meetings that happened before the original story, and at first I made a short version just for my close friends, but then I thought: why not make it a bonus chapter? Somehow, the first one ended up being 8,8k words, so I suppose all those meetings will be as long as the story itself. Am I sorry for that? Not sure.  
> I hope you will enjoy it and give it as much love as you gave to the original story (I am still so amazed by the support you gave me, thank you again!), but please remember that those are just short stories meant to give you a better understanding of the characters [at least I tried to keep it short], so they may not be as detailed and "complete" as you could expect. 
> 
> tw/ mentions of self-destructive behaviour, family issues, dysfunctional family.
> 
> Lots of cuddles coming your way.

When it happens for the first time, it is unexpected, so nobody understands what’s the reason for it when they get a message from Chan in their group chat. Minho is with Changbin when their phones notify them about the new message at the same time, where Chan asks them all to please gather in their apartment with Felix in an hour. He doesn’t add or explain anything, but by the lack of emojis they can already tell that Chan is deadly serious.

“What do you think?” Changbin asks, still looking at the message.

Minho just shrugs, because, honestly, what opinion he can have on a simple message? All he knows is that Chan needs them, and since Chan isn’t the one to ask for favors that often, they both know he really does need them and their support – whatever happened.

“I say, we go there right now, because, knowing Chan, we better hurry.”

“But he said an hour…” Changbin tries to protest weakly, because he’s still not done with his lunch.

“Just imagine him crying on Felix’s shoulder for a whole hour. How can you even think about it, you, soulless creature?”

Although Chan’s never really cried, at least it’s not like they’ve seen it, that seems to work, and ten minutes later they’re already on the bus, that just somehow happened to arrive on time. It’s the middle of January, and they’re freezing outside despite having layers of clothes and thick scarfs, so, once off the bus, they start running and only stop when the building where Chan and Felix live is just five minutes away.

Still breathing hard, they finally reach their friends’ apartment, where Changbin has to knock at the door as Minho is still panting and pretending to be just about to die. Felix is the one who opens the door, so the first thing Changbin does is pull him in a hug, then give a forehead kiss and completely forget about Minho. Felix waves at him, though, and Minho decides that from now on he’s the only person that can be trusted.

Minho doesn’t visit this place often, as they usually gather in their apartment, so he feels a little awkward until Chan notices him and asks to please feel like home. It _does_ feel like home, surprisingly, but Minho guesses it’s mostly because all his friends are currently gathered here. He’s rather surprised to see that Hyunjin also arrived early, but at the same time he’s proud because normally Hyunjin is the last one to show up even when it comes to the most serious events, including those where he’s the main star of the day.

“Anyone wants some tea or coffee?” Chan offers with a smile, but it’s clear as day that he’s extremely nervous.

Felix places a hand on his shoulder, silently asking him to sit down as he disappears in the kitchen. Changbin volunteers to help him, while Minho and Hyunjin try to distract Chan from whatever he’s thinking about with some stupid small talk. Hyunjin starts complaining about one of his university professors, while Minho supports that with his own complaints about how dirty Changbin’s boots were yesterday and how much time it took him to clean the apartment after that.

Felix, bless his soul, comes back with a plate of brownies, while Changbin follows him with a tray with several tea cups on it. It’s Chan’s favorite tea, Minho notices, but before he can ask any questions, Chan clears his throat and even stands up, playing with the hem of his shirt nervously.

“I’m sorry if it was so sudden for you, and I’m also sorry for making you worry, but I really needed to call for an emergency meeting today,” he begins quietly.

“Emergency meeting?” Hyunjin repeats, raising his eyebrows in question. “What’s with the name?”

“Look, this is going to sound a little bit weird may be, but I believe that when something has a name like that, it makes people treat it more seriously. I just… really need you all to stay focused right now, because it’s a very important and difficult situation for me.”

“He means no jokes until we’re done talking,” Felix explains just in case – for dummies.

“That’s not fair!” Changbin protests. “When have we ever not been serious?”

“Like, right now?”

That is enough to shut him up, although for the next five minutes Changbin is sulking at Felix for being so “unnecessarily rude” towards him. In the end Felix gives up and gives him a quick kiss on the cheek, but still rolls his eyes afterwards, calling Changbin the little drama queen. Hyunjin, the previous owner of that title, almost starts arguing just to prove that he still is the true drama queen, so Minho has no choice but to elbow him in the ribs.

Chan watches all that with the look of deepest despair on his face, but a few minutes later everyone finally calms down, so he nods to himself and then drops the bomb.

“I’m thinking if I should quit my job.”

Minho’s jaw drops at that, and, from what he can see, others have pretty much the same reaction to those words, except for Felix, who’s known it even before Chan sent them that message. To say that it’s very unexpected for all of them would be an understatement because, first, Chan really loves his job, and second, he’s very good at what he’s doing. Now Minho sees why Chan called this thing an “emergency meeting”, but it wasn’t that necessary as they’re all too shocked to make any jokes now anyway.

“That can’t be true,” Hyunjin is the first one to break the silence that followed after Chan’s words.

“What made you think about that in the first place?” Minho asks carefully.

Chan sighs as he sits down and reaches for one of the brownies Felix brought earlier. Almost half of those is already gone, but Minho can’t quite figure out who was the one to consume them – not that it matters, anyway.

“It’s a lot of pressure,” he says, taking a small bite of the cookie. “But it’s not so much about the pressure, it’s rather… Am I qualified for this? I’ve never experienced what they come to discuss, so how can I help them if I don’t even truly know how it feels?”

“Hate to break it to you, hyung, but you’ve experienced worse,” Felix notices with a grim expression on his face.

Hyunjin glares at him, but Felix only shrugs his shoulders and moves to sit on Changbin’s lap so that Hyunjin’s feet don’t reach him if Hwang decides to kick him. In Minho’s opinion, though, Felix is right, the only thing is that he should’ve probably kept those thoughts to himself. Chan looks even more lost upon hearing that, and Minho decides it is only right to apologize on behalf of Felix, who still doesn’t understand what he did wrong.

“Have you discussed that with your colleagues?” Changbin asks, frowning a little. “What do they think about it?”

“Not yet,” Chan shakes his head. “I just wanted to talk to you to see if this decision is even logical in the first place, if it makes sense.”

“Listen,” Felix begins, but this time Hyunjin does actually kick him with his foot.

Felix doesn’t expect that now, so he yelps and nearly falls from the couch, but, thankfully, Changbin catches him before the disaster unfolds in the middle of the supposedly serious conversation. It still brings chaos into the previously calm room. Minho exchanges a look with Changbin, who gives a short nod, and together they decide to take extreme measures and that is, for Changbin, to hold Felix tight and distract him with occasional kisses placed on his temple, and for Minho it means having to move on the floor and cuddle with Hyunjin for the rest of their “meeting”.

He isn’t so fond of the idea, because he’s never been a big fan of cuddles, especially not with Hyunjin, who can’t seem to ever have enough of hugs and doesn’t know what personal space is. Still, for Chan he is ready to do anything and everything, and that includes dealing with Hyunjin being closer than usually.

Chan watches them with a tired expression on his face, but lets them do what they think is right and only continues talking once they’ve all fully calmed down.

“See?” he says with a sigh. “That’s why I wanted this meeting to have a name, but I guess it didn’t work. Maybe it was a stupid idea after all.”

“It wasn’t,” Hyunjin assures him, resting his head on Minho’s lap. “We’re just not used to it yet, but it’ll get better with time.”

“Back to the topic…” Minho warns them before they get carried away. “Although I’m not doing actual therapy with you ever since we became friends, I believe that it isn’t really about the need to experience what your patients had to go through…”

“Yeah, Minho-hyung is right,” Changbin chimes in. “You can’t experience everything in the world yourself. I mean, everything that happens in our lives is different for us all. Just because you haven’t been in such situations doesn’t mean you can’t help people find the way out.”

“Hey, hyung,” Felix tries again, this time softer.

Chan looks up from the carpet that he’s been staring at for at least two minutes, and there’s so much uncertainty in his eyes that Felix can’t take it anymore and frees himself from Changbin’s embrace to give Chan a big hug instead. Changbin lets him do so, and they’re all left speechless when Chan buries his nose in Felix’s shoulder and sighs heavily.

“Do you remember how many times you had to calm me down when I was panicking because of my soulmate?” Felix says quietly, surprising them all. “Do you remember how I kept crying because I couldn’t understand a single Korean phrase and thought my Changbin would never even look at me being so miserable?”

Minho’s jaw drops at that, but, judging by Changbin’s dumbfounded look, he’s never heard about it either. Now, their meeting really took a serious turn.

“I know what you’re about to say,” Felix continues, still holding Chan tight. “Of course, it’s what every brother would do, but you didn’t have to actually be in my shoes to find a way to help me.”

“Same with me.”

Minho decides to interrupt the sweet moment so that they don’t end up having the two crying because of how much love they have for each other. Chan keeps hiding his face in Felix’s shoulder, but hums quietly to show that he’s listening.

“Your situation is different from mine, but that doesn’t mean you don’t understand the struggle. You taught me how to appreciate my life the way it is, and, let me tell you, no one managed to do that before you. But, you know, my situation can’t change, while for others a lot can still change, and you can be the one leading them to the right path.”

“Hyung, can I ask one question?”

The serious tone of Hyunjin’s voice makes Chan finally look up and even let go of Felix, who still clings onto his brother because he knows that his warmth makes Chan feel better. Chan is a little surprised, well, they all are, but he quickly gets over it and nods.

“Do you really want to give it up or is it just your brain telling you that you’re unworthy of what you have? Because if it’s the second one, then don’t you dare even listen to it. Your brain is lying to you. But the thing is: you have to be honest, not with us, but with yourself, hyung. And that will answer your own question.”

For a few moments Chan just stands there, mouth agape, obviously thinking hard. He doesn’t seem to notice how Felix and Hyunjin exchange hopeful smiles and how Felix’s hold on his waist tightens a little, but what he does notice is, however, Changbin’s nod addressed to him.

Minho notices it too, and he dares to think he knows what it means: when Changbin decided to drop out of university, it took him a long while to decide, because his family and, well, Minho too, insisted on giving it more thought before actually doing so. Changbin chose music, but not because he wasn’t confident enough about his academic abilities. University simply wasn’t what he considered to be his place, while music was something he wanted to do ever since he was a teenager. He chose music and hasn’t regretted it one bit, and now he wants Chan to think and look for the answer deep in his heart before making the decision.

“You’re right,” Chan says eventually. “As long as I can help people, I won’t stop, because this is what makes me feel important, makes me feel that I’m really a human before anything else.”

“Now that is the right mindset,” Minho tells him with a smile, but there’s more to it, and Chan understands it as he sends back a smile just as bright.

Minho knows all too well that sometimes all you need is for someone to pick you up, dust you off and tell you that you’re doing great and that you can achieve so much better if only you choose to go on, to not give up. After all, that’s how he ended up in the med school and that’s the reason why he’s still alive, still searching for ways to be happy and, more importantly, be of help to the world. Chan needed something like that too, and, honestly, Minho couldn’t be prouder of him for having the courage to ask for help before jumping straight to big decisions.

Maybe this whole idea with the “emergency meetings” isn’t so stupid, he thinks when he sees a happy, relieved smile on Chan’s face.

////

The second emergency meeting takes place in their apartment, but Minho only hears about it a few hours prior to the actual meeting.

They’re halfway through their simple breakfast when Changbin tells Minho about it, trying to sound as casual as possible, but after all those years spent together Minho can almost see through his best friend. Changbin is really tense and can’t sit still for more than thirty seconds, constantly reaching either for his phone or the already empty coffee cup, so when he mentions that it’d be nice if they could all gather today Minho doesn’t even get surprised.

He only raises his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for Changbin to add something else, maybe explain what happened (because all Minho knows is that Changbin had a call with his parents this morning, but he can’t quite understand how that led to what they have now), but Changbin shakes his head with a heavy sigh and asks him to please wait for a few more hours.

Although Minho isn’t really satisfied with the reply he got, he lets Changbin be. With a quick glance at the clock he realizes that he’s almost running late for classes and forgets about the upcoming meeting almost immediately, only telling Changbin that he’ll be back at around four before running to the bus stop. The day is packed with various tests and lots of new information, so by the time Minho gets back home all he wants is to take a bath and go to sleep right after it.

He’s so tired he wants to skip dinner and get straight to the bathing part, but a surprise is waiting for him the moment he opens the front door and hears Felix’s deep voice from the kitchen. With a disappointed groan (seriously, how could he forget about what they discussed just this morning!) that lets everyone know that the grumpy Lee Minho is back home, he quickly gets changed into more comfortable clothes and makes his way to the kitchen that suddenly feels smaller than it actually is.

Changbin and Chan sit side by side on the couch, with Felix giggling happily on Changbin’s lap, while Hyunjin sits on the floor, cross-legged and looking very comfortable there. Minho nearly trips over his long legs and glares at him when Hyunjin doesn’t even move to make way. Lord give me strength, Minho thinks to himself as he waves at the others and sits on the table, doing his best to not think about how he once walked in on Changbin and Felix making out on this exact table. It isn’t the table that’s the problem, but rather the fact that he saw Felix sitting on it and now he’s the one in this position, yet in a whole different situation.

Yeah, being serious wasn’t really a part of Minho’s plan for today, and yet there he is, trying his best to calm down and focus on what Changbin is going to say – he’s a good friend, after all, or, at least, he’s trying to be one.

Changbin, however, clearly avoids the subject that no one even knows about yet. He’s telling Felix about the new song they’re writing with Chan and, although Minho knows it’s his own way to prepare for the serious conversation about something that bothers him, he really doesn’t have time for this today. He feels horrible for this, but he still clears his throat, trying to be as loud as he can be just to get everyone’s attention.

“So, I believe we’ve all gathered here for our second emergency meeting,” he says, to which Changbin nods shyly and starts blushing furiously.

“Yeah,” he mutters quietly and starts nervously biting his lips. “Yes, that. Yeah, true.”

“Don’t worry, bro,” Chan gives him a pat on the back. “We’re not here to judge you, no matter what happened. Just let it all out.”

“I can’t believe you were struggling and didn’t tell me,” Felix pouts cutely, making Hyunjin giggle for no reason. “What’s so funny, Hwang?”

“I mean, that’s what we’re here for? It’s just that you two don’t even give him a chance to speak, truly sibling goals.”

Minho seriously considers kicking those two out of the apartment and banning them forever, but he knows Changbin won’t approve of the idea so he only settles for rolling his eyes dramatically. He wonders if their emergency meetings will ever actually be serious conversations – or, rather, if they will ever begin on time without having to calm everyone down as if they were in kindergarten.

“Hey,” Lix begins, now almost offended, but Chan shushes him and he pouts again.

“So, the thing is…” the main hero of the day finally speaks up. “I really need your advice. It may look easy to you, but it isn’t for me, so try to understand me, please. It’s actually about me and Felix.”

“What?” Felix asks in a tiny voice, looking at Changbin with wide eyes. “I swear to God, if you…”

Changbin almost slaps himself for not being able to choose the right words and if normally Minho would side with his best friend, he’s in Felix’s team right now – maybe not as scared and shocked, but still a little mad at Changbin for literally dropping the bomb without any context behind it.

“No-no-no, Lixie, this isn’t anything bad,” Changbin adds quickly, hugging Felix a little tighter and kissing his shoulder.

That gentle gesture is so intimate that Minho almost feels intrusive. He looks away, suddenly more interested in studying Hyunjin’s fluffy sweater, and notices that Hyunjin is actually staring at the floor too, with an unreadable expression on his face. Minho feels bad for him, because they all know how much he wants (or, rather, _needs_ ) to have something like this in his life too, but doesn’t get to think about Hyunjin much because then Changbin decides to continue.

“My parents want to meet Felix and I don’t know what to do,” he says. “Just please, don’t laugh at me.”

There’s no need for that comment, though, because his words are followed by silence. Now the purpose of this meeting makes sense not only to Minho, but to Hyunjin as well, and they exchange an understanding look before quickly explaining the situation to Chan and Felix, who are pretty much confused by that statement.

The thing is, Changbin’s parents were never fond of the fact that their son’s soulmate wasn’t fully Korean, or, rather, didn’t have the Korean spirit. They were understanding of the fact that Changbin’s soulmate was a boy, but couldn’t accept that he wouldn’t know any traditions, culture or even the language. Changbin, as well as Minho, tried to explain them that they couldn’t form an opinion before they at least met Felix – who knew why exactly he was given a foreign name or where he was born and raised, but they remained stubborn and very, very traditional, so in the end Changbin had to give up and just live with that.

Now that they _do_ want to meet Felix, it’s perfectly understandable why Changbin is so unsure, worried and even a little scared, and it’s also understandable why he needed their advice: Minho and Hyunjin know his parents well enough to try and predict their reaction, while Hyunjin also struggles with his own family, and Chan is Felix’s brother, who knows him best.

“You think they’ll give Lix a hard time?” Hyunjin asks then, once Chan and Felix get the understanding of this situation.

Changbin nods, which earns him a bright, grateful smile from Felix.

“Why don’t we just try?” he asks innocently, but Changbin just sighs.

“Let me try to explain,” he says. “I’m sure they’ll like you eventually, because there’s no way anyone in this world would not fall for your charms, but I’m just worried about you since I know how they can act. I don’t want you to go through such pressure, and, trust me, there will be a lot of pressure.”

“But I’m not afraid of your parents,” Felix insists. “I don’t believe that they can hurt me.”

“Technically, we could help him get some more knowledge of our culture,” Hyunjin suggests quietly.

“And after that forced family dinner you could just ignore the invitations, saying that you’re super busy and can’t come home,” Chan adds.

Minho supports that with a hum because it’s one reasonable idea, and Changbin’s face brightens at that. He claps excitedly and says how nice it’d be if they could really do something like this. Felix, however, doesn’t look so happy.

“But there’s no way I’m going to remember it all. I’d rather be honest with your parents than make one lie after another, because you know I’ll fail in the end!”

“That’s not really a lie,” Chan corrects him softly. “You will eventually start to understand it better, and it’s not like you really have to meet his parents that often for them to notice that you’re still unaware of some things.”

“Yeah, that’s basically just for one evening. If you don’t reply to any of their questions, and they’ll have plenty, we’ll both feel bad for the awkward atmosphere. It’s not like I suggest that you read and learn by heart a whole history book or anything, we’ll just tell you about some of the most important things, those that you don’t know yet.”

“Hey, Felix, I understand that it sounds almost ridiculous to you,” Minho says and he really _does_ see how stupid it sounds. “And I fully support your desire to just be yourself, because you don’t owe those people anything, but trust us on this, that’s the easiest way to make Changbin’s parents just let you be. They are who they are, it’s not easy to change the way they look at the world, so it’s easier to pretend that you’re playing by their rules.”

“I can already see them endlessly bugging Binnie otherwise,” Hyunjin says with a giggle and Changbin glares at him.

“Will they really do that continuously?” Felix asks then, looking at Changbin in disbelief.

“Yes,” Changbin confirms with a short nod. “I said I’d ask you about it, but that will only stop them for a week, maybe. If they want to meet you, they’ll keep calling until we give up.”

“So it really is better to suff-…wait, not suffer. I’m sorry. It’s better to focus on that one evening and then pretend to be busy, got it.”

“Don’t worry,” Minho replies on Changbin’s behalf. “That can be called suffering, in a way.”

“Are you talking about that one evening when his parents scolded you for leaving early because you felt sick, hyung?”

“Exactly that,” Minho snorts as he recalls that evening when he almost lost Changbin’s parents’ trust. “They’re good people, just very different from us.”

“Fine. Let’s do this, okay, but not today or Minho-hyung will probably pass out soon if we continue this conversation.”

Minho is a little surprised that Felix noticed that, but he’s grateful when his friends agree with him, and soon the kitchen becomes quiet. Hyunjin is the last one to leave, waving almost happily in hopes to make the tired hyung smile, and Minho can’t stop wondering how one person can have this much energy inside. He _does_ smile because it’s impossible to resist Hyunjin’s cute gestures, and the smile remains present on his face until the moment his head touches the pillow.

It was a tiring day, but knowing that he was able to help his friend, even a little, makes it easier to fall asleep. He really hopes that Felix will win Changbin’s parents’ hearts – otherwise there is something wrong with the world, because no one is even allowed to resist Felix’s sunny personality.

////

The third time, unexpectedly, happens at their place too but isn’t called for by any of them. The reason is that Hyunjin lives in the dorm and isn’t allowed to have more than two visitors at a time, so he does what he’s probably best at and comes to their apartment uninvited. This isn’t surprising for them anymore, they even gave him a spare key just in case, but the main problem is: today is Minho’s only day off, the only day he can spend without drowning in countless notes, textbooks and practice questions.

He’s watching YouTube while chilling in bed when he hears the front door open and frowns: Changbin and Chan are both working in the studio today, which means the chances he’ll see his friend today or even tomorrow are very low. With a heavy sigh, he gets out of bed, hissing when his bare feet touch the cold floor, and waddles to the source of that noise which turns out to be no other than Hwang Hyunjin. Minho isn’t one bit surprised, but he still rolls his eyes as he watches Hyunjin take off his coat and boots. Yes, him coming uninvited at any time of the day isn’t strange anymore, but it doesn’t mean he can do it without warning anyone – it’s not too difficult to send a simple message.

“I did!” Hyunjin protests, but that comes out as a tiny whine, and Minho only then realizes he said that out loud. “You weren’t responding.”

Usually Minho would continue being grumpy and just let Hyunjin do whatever he wants without joining him at that, but today doesn’t seem to be the usual day because, if anything, Hyunjin looks like he’s about to cry, and Minho almost starts panicking. Sure, he’s seen Hyunjin crying perhaps a hundred times during all those years, but it still breaks his heart every time it happens. Seeing this Hyunjin, Minho can’t stay annoyed or mad and immediately invites him in, already offering different kinds of tea, but he knows it’s serious when Hyunjin asks to please make him hot chocolate.

Felix joins them five minutes later and this is where Minho, who still didn’t have the chance to check his messages, gets surprised. He doesn’t say anything yet raises his eyebrows at Hyunjin, but it’s Felix who replies to him.

“Jinnie was in need of an emergency meeting, and I couldn’t say no to him, so I arrived as fast as I could. But Channie-hyung and Binnie are working today, so I’m afraid they won’t join us, and it’s just the three of us today…”

He sends Hyunjin an apologetic smile, but he doesn’t even react to this, staring at the wall and biting his lips so furiously that Minho’s heart aches again. This Hyunjin isn’t the person they’re used to, _this_ Hyunjin makes Minho want to wrap him in a soft blanket and protect from all the evil things in the world, and Minho really would do so if he wasn’t so bad at expressing his love. Instead, he places the steaming mug in front of Hyunjin and ruffles his hair gently before returning his attention to Felix.

“Since when did Changbin allow you to drop honorifics?” he asks because he’s genuinely curious, but he doesn’t expect Felix to blush so hard. “Okay, I see.”

“He doesn’t like it,” Felix admits, still blushing. “But sometimes I just can’t help it, because he’s so cute.”

“Ew, gross,” Minho mumbles quietly, but still smiles so that Felix doesn’t take him too seriously. “Maybe it’s good that he’s not here. At least we won’t have to watch you being all lovey-dovey again.”

“Hyung, I’m afraid I don’t really understand: are you trying to break my heart right now or maybe to get your nose broken by me?”

Although Minho is absolutely sure that Felix is joking, he still gulps and chooses not to continue this conversation. Felix gets his mug of strawberry tea and comes to sit next to Hyunjin, already putting his hands around Hyunjin’s waist and pulling him closer.

“My parents want me to go on a date with their friends’ daughter,” Hyunjin says suddenly, still looking at his untouched hot chocolate. “It’s over for me. I’m completely, utterly doomed.”

Minho freezes with the kettle in his hands upon hearing this, and if it wasn’t for Felix’s fast reflexes, he would most definitely spill hot water all over the floor and on his bare feet too. Luckily, Felix almost flies from the couch and takes the kettle from Minho before it’s too late. Minho, still too shocked by Hyunjin’s words, only finds himself nodding ten seconds later; he doesn’t even realize what kind of a disaster could happen if it wasn’t for Felix.

Hyunjin whines when he takes a huge sip from the mug and that just seems to be the last straw: he starts sobbing loudly, looking at the mug as if it was his biggest enemy. He only burned his tongue on the still too hot drink, but they all know the problem isn’t that, but rather his bruised and scarred heart. Hyunjin’s had enough and he can’t be the strongest person on the planet anymore, so, naturally, he breaks down and Minho’s heart aches at the sight.

He knows there’s no way to help his friend and this thought hurts even worse than seeing the usually cheerful Hyunjin cry on Felix’s shoulder. Hyunjin’s parents aren’t soulmates and they’ve never truly believed in this whole system of having your own “perfect” person, someone being your destiny. His mother’s soulmate died when she was a teen, and his father rejected his soulmate the moment they met, and, honestly, Minho wouldn’t consider it to be such a big problem (stuff like that happens, although, yes, it is a little odd that Hyunjin’s father didn’t even give his soulmate a chance) if they didn’t insist on Hyunjin forgetting about his soulmate too.

Minho’s known Hyunjin for more than fourteen years now, and all this time his parents were against the whole soulmate idea. They tried to raise little Hyunjin like that too, and things got extremely intense when Seungmin’s name appeared on his wrist, signaling his parents that it’s a _guy_ when all they wanted for their son was to have a traditional family. In their eyes, Hyunjin had to be the perfect example of everything: his parents were very strict and the only time they actually let Hyunjin decide for himself was when he said he wanted to become a choreographer.

Dancing has always been his passion, something that let him forget about all the problems, and it was also the only thing both he and his parents agreed on as it was their decision to make him try dancing when he was five. Still, they insisted on him studying and practicing like crazy (and nearly ending up in a hospital because of that) to get into the best university of their country, which was, thankfully, also a part of Hyunjin’s own dream. Once he moved to Seoul, he hoped that this family pressure would lessen at least a little bit, but boy how wrong he was: the control his parents wanted to have over his life was literally driving him crazy. At times, Hyunjin felt like a living puppet: he had the illusion of being free to choose, make decisions for himself and act like he thought would be best for him, but in reality most of his big and even small choices were made by his parents unless he was lucky enough to agree with them.

Hyunjin didn’t know how to stop that and neither did any of his friends. He loved his parents, he really did, but at the same time he was so damn tired of always feeling like their toy, like a puppy who was supposed to follow their beliefs and look at the world the way they did. At times, Hyunjin wondered if they ever even realized just what exactly they were doing to their son, but the sad conclusion was both yes and no: they did understand what and for what purpose they were doing, but they never seemed to realize how much it hurt him, _they_ hurt him. He tried everything he could to make them see that he was, in fact, a real person with his own feelings and his own beliefs, and all of his close friends, including Chan, did that too, but the result was always the same.

They wanted him to give up on finding Seungmin and start a _normal_ , by their standards, family. Hyunjin always let them say and do whatever they wanted, but he would _never_ give up on looking for Seungmin, because this boy has always been his brightest beacon of light and hope. When things were tough, just thinking about his soulmate was enough for Hyunjin to smile and get back in action again. Although he’s never seen Seungmin, Hyunjin imagined him to be the softest, kindest, smartest and cutest person in the world, and he knew Seungmin would accept him for who he was, he somehow knew that with Seungmin he wouldn’t need to pretend, to lie.

For Seungmin, Hyunjin would do anything, and he was ready to handle it all if it meant eventually getting to live the way _he_ wanted, but now that his parents set their mind on finding him a date _they_ would approve of…

Hyunjin finally lets it all out, still sobbing on Felix’s shoulder, and it’s so loud, desperate and heartbreaking that Minho can’t stop a stray tear making its way down his right cheek too. He sits next to Hyunjin and hugs him from behind, gently rubbing circles on his stomach in a way that, as he knows, helps him calm down sometimes. He exchanges a worried glance with Felix, something that Hyunjin can’t see right now, and lets out a quiet sigh. In fact, he wishes Chan and Changbin were with them.

They spend the next fifteen minutes like this; Hyunjin is still clinging to Felix, as if glued to his side, Felix is still whispering sweet nothings like the true sunshine he is, and Minho is simply trying to share all the warmth he has inside with the suffering Hyunjin. There’s not much he can do for his friend, but he really hopes to be at least a tiny bit helpful.

When Hyunjin stops crying, Minho silently hands him a few tissues and gets a quiet hiccup as an answer. His eyes are now red and puffy, but he still smiles faintly when Felix gives him a forehead kiss and hugs him tight again. Hyunjin takes a deep breath and then whispers a shaky “thank you, guys”. Felix shushes him quickly and Minho thinks that there’s honestly nothing to thank them for. Being by his side is what every friend would do, he believes, and only wishes they could do more.

“Maybe you could ask someone to pretend to be your girlfriend?” Felix suggests suddenly, breaking the silence. “You know, just for the time being.”

Somehow, Minho knows Hyunjin won’t ever agree to this even before he shakes his head with a sad smile.

“No, I want to be honest. Not with my parents, but with myself and with Seungmin too. Fake dating includes holding hands, hugging and kissing too, and I don’t want to do any of those unless it’s with someone I love.”

“Jinnie,” Felix whispers almost dramatically. “You’ll make such a good boyfriend.”

Minho notices how Felix stutters a little, trying his best to avoid saying the word “perfect” that triggers Hyunjin so much. Hyunjin’s cheeks, already pink and a little swollen from crying so much, blush even more, and he mumbles something that neither of them can hear. It doesn’t really matter, because then Hyunjin adds that all he needed today was to let out all of the painful emotions and get a good amount of hugs.

Felix frowns at that, but it’s Minho who asks the important question.

“And you will… just let your parents do this to you again?”

Hyunjin nods with a heavy sigh, looking like a lost puppy again, and Minho immediately regrets asking that.

“I’ll go on that date when I come to visit them, but I’ll try to explain everything to that girl. I hope she’s not too hopeful about this, because I don’t want to hurt her too.”

“If there’s anything we can do to help, don’t hesitate to find us, okay?”

And Minho truly means it, because despite all the jokes he makes, despite the fact that Hyunjin can be quite annoying sometimes, he’s still one of Minho’s closest friends and, honestly, Minho would do anything to make sure he’s happy.

“Thank you, hyung.”

Hyunjin finally gives them a genuine, wide smile that makes his eyes look like little crescents.

“Let’s go watch ‘Frozen’ and cuddle, how does that sound?”

“If it’s Minho-hyung offering cuddles, then how can I say no?” Hyunjin replies with a quiet giggle.

And when the three of them start singing along to ‘Let It Go’, Minho knows it will be okay – for all of them, because they have each other.

////

However, “okay” doesn’t happen as fast as Minho would like it to be; instead, Hyunjin disappears. Minho first hears about it from Felix, who storms into their apartment and immediately blurts out that Hyunjin skipped three days of classes, which is already pretty unusual for him, but he also wouldn’t respond to any texts or calls and, when Felix tried his luck to at least find him in the dorm, he was told that Hyunjin hasn’t come there for two days too. Felix almost starts crying as he retells Changbin and Minho the story about the last time he saw Hyunjin, because he looked extremely tired, exhausted even, but what shocked and worried Felix the most was the complete absence of Hyunjin’s signature sparks in his eyes.

Even when Hyunjin was tired and things were rough, he always had the fire inside, that passion which was making him get up and fight again, go on and on. That was something they all admired and were even jealous of, so when Felix says that he’s never seen Hyunjin this _lifeless_ , Minho knows it’s serious.

Felix is trembling with fear and worry and, seeing this, Minho almost starts panicking too. He tries to keep Lix engaged in the quiet conversation to make sure that he’s still present and doesn’t suddenly get an anxiety attack while Changbin makes green tea – an unspoken, but very welcome rule between them. Minho asks about the places Hyunjin could go to, asks if Felix tried to talk to his parents yet and if Chan knows about it. He asks all sorts of stupid questions until Felix starts breathing calmly again and rests his head against Changbin’s shoulder, looking at Minho with sleepy eyes.

“Baby, did you sleep tonight?” Changbin asks softly, to which Felix just shakes his head tiredly.

“Sleep is for the weak,” he mutters stubbornly, but still closes his eyes.

“Felix, sunshine, we should get you to bed,” Minho gently touches his hand, but Felix is already fast asleep.

Minho just sighs. It’s currently eleven in the evening and he has a huge test tomorrow, but the document on his laptop is the last thing bothering him right now. He asks Changbin to carry Felix to his room and tuck him in and then takes out his phone and calls Chan.

Chan picks up almost immediately and his voice sounds tired too: it seems that they tried to solve the problem on their own without bothering Minho or Changbin. Honestly, it pisses Minho off, because he _wants_ to be included in everything that has to do with his friends, and just because he’s busy at university doesn’t mean Hyunjin isn’t as important to him. Still, Minho chooses not to bring that up.

“I’ve just talked to Hyunjin’s parents,” Chan says instead of greeting him. “I tried to broach the subject in a roundabout way, asked them when was the last time Hyunjin came home and pretended I was just trying to find that out because he promised to bring me a few books and that I wasn’t sure if he already went there. Said he was too busy at university to disturb him, apologized for bothering them instead, all that stuff.”

“And what did they say?” Minho asks, holding his breath.

“He went there last weekend and from what I understood they had another fight, so I guess we now know the reason why he disappeared.”

“But this doesn’t give us an answer to where he is now,” Minho finishes with a sigh. “Do they at least feel sorry?”

“Not really,” Chan replies and Minho can almost see him shaking his head in despair. “A friend of mine is a police officer, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you, hyung. Call me if you need anything, you _know_ I want to help.”

Minho hangs up the moment Changbin comes back to the kitchen, saying that poor Felix didn’t wake up even when he almost tripped over his own backpack. They sit in silence for some time, drinking their tea and both obviously thinking of what they can do to find and, more importantly, help Hyunjin. He did, in fact, go on that date his parents were so excited about, but the girl was nice enough to understand he wasn’t interested and they decided to pretend she turned him down and not the other way around. Perhaps that was a mistake, Minho thinks as he finishes the tea and looks out of the window, where everything is dark and most likely very cold.

Just imagining that Hyunjin is out there somewhere breaks his heart. He shakes his head to get rid of those terrifying thoughts and instead turns his attention to Changbin.

“I understand why he’s doing that,” Minho admits quietly. “I don’t know what _exactly_ he’s doing, but I do understand why he ran away.”

“You were like that too,” Changbin nods. “But you found a purpose and moved on.”

“That takes time,” he almost whispers back because he’s not the biggest fan of this topic. “And my parents weren’t like that. He shouldn’t have told them that this girl rejected him, it only made things worse between them.”

“What do you mean?” Changbin asks with a slight frown, but Minho doesn’t get to answer that question.

His phone rings suddenly and Minho nearly starts yelling and almost drops it when he sees Hyunjin’s name on the screen. He quickly hits the green button, but before he even opens his mouth to tell this Hwang Hyunjin just how worried and fucking terrified they’ve been, Hyunjin breaks his heart into pieces again.

“Minho-hyung?”

Oh God, he’s crying again, and his voice sounds so small, so unsure that Minho can only gulp.

“Can I… can I come to your place right now? Please, hyung.”

And Minho doesn’t even notice he’s now crying too, he just nods almost violently without realizing that Hyunjin can’t see him.

“Sorr-” Hyunjin says, but Changbin is quick to interrupt him.

“Please be quick, Jinnie.”

He then pulls Minho for a tight hug, already calling Chan’s number at the same time, and Minho is so, _so_ grateful for how Changbin manages to stay focused and control his emotions when it’s most needed. Chan promises to arrive in twenty minutes, but Minho doesn’t hear it and doesn’t realize he’s left alone in the kitchen until he hears quiet voices in Changbin’s room. He must have gone to wake up Felix, Minho thinks, but his thoughts are still all about how _hurt_ Hyunjin sounded over the phone.

He nearly jumps from his seat upon hearing a barely audible knock at the door. His heart falls when he opens it and sees Hyunjin looking at him with puppy eyes. His eyes are red and puffy again, and there’s so much pain and sadness in them that the first thing Minho does is give him a tight hug. Hyunjin whines and pulls away and Minho guesses immediately that he has bruises on his stomach and ribs too. His favorite jeans are now dirty and ripped, he has a few scratches on his left cheek and a split lip; Minho notices more scratches on his knuckles that Hyunjin tries to hide by pulling down the sleeves of his hoodie – gosh, was he _really_ out there wearing just this stupid hoodie?

“You’re such an idiot,” Minho breathes out as he lets Hyunjin in, having recovered from shock.

Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, just starts unconsciously biting on his lower lip which causes him to wince in pain. Minho rolls his eyes and reaches for their first-aid kit before making Hyunjin sit on the chair and tilting his chin up. He knows he should say something, but it somehow feels like he’s lost all the words the moment he saw Hyunjin at the doorway – a reflection of himself from a few years ago, so instead he cleans up the scratches and tries to stay focused, reminding himself that at this moment he’s a doctor first and only then Hyunjin’s friend.

“Jinnie!” Felix yells as soon as he enters the kitchen, and Minho wonders how the hell he can look so fresh after having just half an hour of sleep; might be the nervousness. “Oh my God, Jinnie, why would you do that to yourself!”

“Shh, Lix,” Minho tells him as he touches Hyunjin’s face for the last time. “Hyunjin needs rest, so we should keep all the questions, insults and what not to ourselves for now.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispers quietly and there are tears in his eyes again.

Felix rushes forward to give him a hug, but Minho has to stop him. He comes up with a convincing lie to make them both believe they shouldn’t disturb Hyunjin for now and he knows Hyunjin appreciates this a lot when he grabs Minho’s wrist and gently squeezes it. Minho nods shortly, but still hopes that Hyunjin understands Minho will examine his bruises anyway – just not in front of all their friends who maybe don’t really need to know about it; not now, at least.

Minho knows exactly why Hyunjin called him of all people, but now that Hyunjin is actually here he feels lost and doesn’t know what to do. He isn’t sure what Hyunjin needs to hear right now, if Hyunjin even needs _anything_ now other than proper rest and knowing that he’s loved for who he is and important, needed. Instead of using words, he silently lets Hyunjin rest his head on his thigh and starts drawing small circles and random figures on his stomach. Hyunjin hums softly, relaxes a little, and Minho knows at that moment that he’s doing everything right.

He doesn’t need an explanation, but he knows Felix and Changbin still want to hear something and he’s grateful they do keep all the question to themselves until Hyunjin falls asleep in his hands. He’s exhausted and it’s no wonder he couldn’t hold on any longer, and, honestly, Minho is so glad he found the courage to call him tonight – what if he just passed out somewhere in the streets? He shudders at the thought.

Chan appears in the apartment so quietly that no one even notices him until he gently ruffles Felix’s hair and gives them a tired smile.

“Minho,” he calls quietly.

“Mhm?”

“When he wakes up, please don’t let him think that he’s weak for that, okay?”

Chan is deadly serious and Minho knows just what exactly he means by that, so he nods. He smiles fondly when Hyunjin grabs his hand and holds it tight in his sleep; it’s a miracle that he of all people can give Hyunjin that feeling of safety.

“He should get help,” Felix says in a low whisper.

“No!” Chan and Minho protest at the same time.

“He’s not ready for it yet,” it’s Minho who continues because he’s been through something like this before. “If we try to _make_ him get help, this may make everything even worse. This has to be his decision, and we’ll only try to help him accept that.”

“But look at him!” Felix insists. “He’s all bruised and he’s been God knows where for three days! We can’t wait until he admits he needs help, or else we’ll lose him!”

“Sunshine,” Changbin says softly. “I know it hurts, and I feel bad too, trust me, but this is Hyunjin’s way of fighting back. It’s his protest, of sorts. We can’t take it away from him, but we must make sure he’s safe and that he doesn’t hurt himself next time. We can’t be like his parents, Felix.”

“That’s true,” Minho whispers. “All Jinnie wants right now is to be free, he wants to do stupid things just for the hell of it, wants to forget everything and wants to be _himself_ – at least once in his life. I promise, he will realize that’s not a solution, but it will take time, and we can’t judge him for this or try to make him do something _we_ think is best for him. And no, I’m not saying we should just let him destroy himself, of course from now on we should be more careful and even protective, but the most important thing is to show him that he’s loved, that we need _him_ and not the perfect model that his parents are trying to shape him into.”

“I see,” Felix nods with a sigh. “Sorry, hyung, I was just…”

“Worried, yes,” Minho finishes for him. “We all are, Lixie.”

“I wish we had Seungmin with us,” Changbin mutters sleepily. “Maybe all of this wouldn’t happen if he was with Jinnie.”

Seungmin’s name makes Hyunjin smile even in his sleep; he mumbles something incoherent and then hugs Minho by his waist, as if signaling that this conversation is over. Minho tucks a loose strand of Hyunjin’s long hair behind his ear and offers Felix and Chan to stay for the night. Chan says something about being perfectly able to drive them both home, but he gives up when Changbin glares at him and especially when Felix falls asleep on Changbin’s shoulder again. They bicker for a few more minutes, trying to decide who’ll sleep on the floor, but Minho doesn’t stay to hear the end of their bickering, instead choosing to carry Hyunjin to his room.

Hyunjin looks adorably tiny on Minho’s big bed, and if it wasn’t for countless cuts and bruises on his body, Minho’s heart would probably melt at the sight. He gets into bed and doesn’t even get surprised when Hyunjin spoons him. There’s a lot to discuss in the morning, but for now he lets the tiredness and sleepiness take control over his body and falls asleep soon.

No one talks about it, but they all know this was the unplanned fourth emergency meeting, which didn’t even need to be called this way.


	6. bonus: emergency meetings (5-9 + 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I want to once again thank you for the absolutely mind-blowing support and love this story received! Knowing that so many of you enjoyed it means the world to me, so thank you for spending your time on reading it, leaving kudos and comments. By the way, if you want to support me further, I also have a [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/starryj) account. 
> 
> Just like I promised, here’s the second part of emergency meetings + another small bonus in the end. I couldn’t stop writing, so, like I said before, all those meetings are as long as the original story, but I sincerely hope you’ll enjoy reading that too. 
> 
> A lot of you have been asking for a spin-off to this story, and I’m very excited to tell you that I started working on it recently, so we’ll get to see everyone’s favorite library scene in detail soon! I have major plans for this work, though, so I’m not sure how long it’ll take me to write it, and I don’t want to post anything until I’m done with the whole thing, but stay tuned…. Please support that story too once it’s up^^
> 
> tw/ (only apply to the 7-8 meetings, the rest is fairly fluffy): self-destructive behavior, mentions of a dysfunctional family, mentions of self-harm and anxiety attacks.

Minho knew it was bound to happen one day, of course it was inevitable, but when life actually pushes him to the point where he finds himself in desperate need of advice, he is unsure.

That morning Changbin notices he’s more tensed than usually, but Minho just brushes it off saying he has an important test later in the day. Changbin doesn’t press, although Minho feels that his friend didn’t believe him, and they finish their breakfast in silence.

In the bus, that is, thankfully, not as crowded as usually which gives him space to think, Minho takes out his phone and continues to stare at the email he received a few hours ago. It’s an invitation from one of Busan’s hospitals and in that email they’re asking if Minho would like to spend his month of practice there instead of Seoul. It’s an incredible opportunity, especially considering that he is yet to find a place in Seoul, but something about it feels off. Minho can’t explain it even to himself, but for some reason, he doesn’t feel the happiness and pride he’s supposed to feel after receiving such a big offer.

He keeps staring at the message all the way to university, reading it over and over again as if something can change in those tiny black letters, and nearly misses his stop because of it. He finds it difficult to focus on lectures despite the fact that he actually does have a few tests, constantly reaching for his phone and checking the inbox every ten minutes. When one of their professors reminds them that they need to provide the information about hospitals they’ve chosen for their rotations by the end of this week, Minho sighs and unlocks his phone once again. Unsurprisingly, the message is still there, staring back at him just like it did hours ago.

“Hey, Minho?” one of his classmates taps him on the shoulder once the lecture is over. “They asked me to collect this information, so make sure to text me later, okay?”

“Yeah,” Minho replies absent-mindedly. “Once I find something.”

“What do you mean by that?” the girl narrows her eyes at him. “You’re not saying you didn’t even start looking, are you?”

Minho isn’t sure why she’d even ask about it in the first place, it’s not like they’ve ever talked before. He vaguely remembers she’s one of the top students, but that’s pretty much all he knows about her. Still, he is polite enough to reply, besides, he feels that he could use some sort of advice from a top student – useful or not.

“I’m just waiting for them to respond,” he tells her as he packs his things. “I got an offer from Busan though.”

“An offer?!” her eyes are wide as saucers now, and, honestly, Minho finds it a little funny. “Why’d you even need to wait then? This is your chance!”

And he knows what she’s talking about, knows that this could help him get a good job once he graduates, but as much as he’s grateful for the opportunity, he doesn’t really want to go for it. Minho realizes he should consider himself lucky: he’s always been just a good student, nowhere near the top, so getting an offer when he didn’t receive a reply from ten hospitals he tried applying to is, for sure, some big luck, a miracle, almost. Most of his classmates are going to be jealous of that once they find out, his own past self would be jealous because of this, and yet Minho somehow _feels_ this isn’t what he needs.

“I know,” Minho settles for saying this with a smile. “I’ll text you once I get everything confirmed.”

She nods and doesn’t stay longer, which is exactly what Minho hoped for. He doesn’t feel like discussing it with someone who won’t ever be able to look at the situation from his own point of view; during lunch, however, he finally admits to himself that he needs (rather than wants, which would be the usual scenario for his worries) to hear his friends’ opinion on this before making the decision.

He tries calling Changbin first, but the soft voice from his phone tells him that the line is busy at the moment, so he figures Bin must be talking to Felix (who should be paying attention to classes right now) and dials Chan instead. Minho doesn’t really expect an answer as he’s not so familiar with Chan’s working hours, but the universe seems to be kind to him today because Chan picks up quite quickly.

“Hello?” his voice sounds tired and Minho bites his lip, suddenly unsure of what to say.

Should he even try bothering everyone with his problems, especially if the problem only exists in his own mind? Sighing, he still decides to do it.

“Hey hyung,” he begins casually, grateful that Chan can’t see him – because this hyung can literally see through him at times. “Sorry for distracting you, but I couldn’t get Changbin to answer my calls and I thought he’s probably talking to Lix. I was thinking that… maybe I need to call for an emergency meeting today?”

“Maybe?” Chan chuckles quietly, but then he turns serious again. “We got your back, okay? If you feel that you need us, we’ll be there.”

Minho can almost feel the warmth and comfort that Chan radiates even through the phone. He smiles at that.

“Thank you, hyung.”

It’s just three words, but Minho knows Chan of all people will be able to understand that behind them there’s a lot more. Expressing his feelings and thoughts, even gratitude, has always been difficult for Minho, but behind every phrase of his are at least ten more unspoken sentences, and he’s so grateful that the people around him seem to understand that.

“Anytime, Minho, anytime. I’ll get those lovebirds to your apartment by six, is that okay? Oh, and I’ll ask Felix to update Hyunjin on that too.”

“Cool! Thank you again, Chan-hyung, see you at six.”

“Take care!”

Although Minho knows he was perfectly capable of doing that himself, he feels so much lighter and easier now that he doesn’t have to tell everyone about the upcoming meeting. Just getting there and actually voicing his worries will already be enough to make him feel insecure and a little uncomfortable. He knows his friends won’t ever even try to invalidate his problems or worries, but at the same time he finds it so difficult to ask for help or advice that just thinking about it already makes his legs tremble. Minho’s always tried to be the stronger one, even when things were rough on him, always tried to hide his own feelings behind the mask and help others instead, but right now he feels lost.

The rest of the day is pretty uneventful, so he has time to mentally prepare himself for having to tell everyone about his stupid dilemma. The apartment is dark and quiet when he gets back, and he gets himself busy with preparing dinner and tea for the guys. It’s five minutes to six when the front door opens, letting the sound of laughter fill the apartment. Minho finds himself fiddling with the forks that are laid on the table, but he has to stop it once Felix enters the kitchen and gives him a tight bear hug right away. Felix is warm and smells of something like grapefruit, but what surprises Minho is that he doesn’t want the hug to end, which isn’t quite like him. Hyunjin joins them too, giving Minho a backhug and making them look like a sandwich, which makes Chan laugh at them fondly. Chan settles for ruffling his hair as he takes a seat on their old couch, joined by Changbin who only waved at him, slightly confused about the whole situation.

They don’t push Minho into talking, instead continuing some conversation they had before entering the apartment. Felix announces that he’s extremely hungry and gets himself a huge plate of fried rice, which earns him a whine from a very pouty Hyunjin, who’s currently on a diet – thankfully, for the sake of his own health and not to fit some stupid standards, or else Minho would riot. Felix, however, chooses to ignore him and instead attacks the food, successfully finishing everything in just a few minutes, while Hyunjin stays glued to his mug of tea, glaring at Felix every once in a while.

Minho knows no one is going to bring up the reason for their gathering before he musters up enough courage to do so himself, and he thinks there’s no use trying to ignore it and play dumb, so he decides to share it as soon as Felix places his plate in the sink. He clears his throat and takes another sip of his coffee – just to be sure he’s not going to back out. The bitter taste of it makes him want to finish his little speech as soon as possible.

“I need your advice,” deciding not to waste any more time, Minho says.

Everyone gets quiet upon hearing that, even Hyunjin stops drinking his tea and looks at Minho with the most serious face. They all listen attentively and patiently, and just thinking about it almost makes Minho’s heart melt. He sits down on the chair as he continues.

“I have to do my practice in the hospital soon, guess I’ve told you about it. I sent my applications to ten hospitals, but haven’t heard back from any of them yet, and we must decide and confirm everything by the end of this week. However, this morning I got an offer from one of Busan’s hospitals.”

“Wow, hyung! That’s really cool!” Felix exclaims.

“It is,” Minho agrees with another sigh; he’s lost count of how many times he sighed today. “But I don’t feel like going there. Something’s telling me that this place isn’t for me, but I’m not sure if it makes sense. I was hoping you would be able to at least try looking at it from my point of view.”

“Well, Busan is quite far from both Seoul and our hometown,” Hyunjin offers quietly, but that’d be the last of Minho’s worries if he agreed to work there.

Now, however, he thinks of it as another good reason to politely decline the offer.

“Yeah, that too.”

“But that isn’t something that bothers you, right?” Chan asks from the couch, and Minho once again wonders if his friend can see through him.

He nods, because he can’t find words to explain it: this feeling is just there and he doesn’t understand it himself.

“Saying no would be quite risky, though, considering that other hospitals didn’t even respond to you,” Changbin chimes in, reasonable as always.

“Hmm, he’s right,” Felix supports his boyfriend with a slight frown on his face. “What’s going to happen if you don’t find a place in time?”

Minho only shrugs at that: he hasn’t thought this far. The more he talks about it, the more stupid and hopeless his own idea looks to him. Felix is still looking at him expectantly, but it’s Chan who replies, once again seemingly reading Minho’s mind.

“They’ll send him to work to some tiny hospital God knows where. All in all, it’s not a bad thing, though it certainly won’t look that outstanding in the resume once he graduates. You can learn a lot there, more than in those prestigious hospitals where you’ll spend more time doing useless stuff than actually working, but we live in a country where papers mean a lot, so I wouldn’t recommend waiting until the very last moment.”

“What’s so wrong with Busan?” Hyunjin asks curiously.

“Nothing is wrong! Listen, I realize how lucky I am for receiving such an offer, and I already know that just waiting won’t lead me anywhere! I just thought…”

He trails off at that, unsure of what to say: he suddenly understands that he doesn’t even know what kind of advice he was hoping to get from his friends. The whole situation is quite stupid, to be honest, and his only choice is to accept the offer, because he can’t explain his mixed feelings even to himself. He’s about to admit his defeat when Changbin’s hand comes to rest on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Minho almost jumps in surprise; he didn’t even notice how his friend got off the couch and came to stand near him.

“You don’t want to go there, but at the same time you’re not sure if it’s just you or the universe trying to tell you something, right?”

Right, the universe. Minho wants to snort upon hearing that, because so far all the universe has done to him was simply messing up with his feelings, so it’s obvious and understandable that he doesn’t think of everything he can’t explain as those “signs”. Unlike Hyunjin, who still believes that he’s guided by the universe all the time, Minho lost his faith years ago and now tries to find proper and logical explanation for all the things happening in his life. Today, however, it didn’t work, because no matter how much Minho tried to come up with something, he couldn’t understand why he was so opposed to the idea of working in Busan.

He half-expects his friends to laugh when he nods, but they all remain serious. If anything, Hyunjin becomes even more engaged in the conversation as he likes to “solve the mysteries that the universe tries to shove into their faces from time to time”.

“Can it…” Hyunjin stutters a little as he tries to say it. “Can it possibly be the place where Jisung died?”

Felix glares at him for bringing that up while Changbin’s hold on Minho’s shoulder tightens a bit, but Minho isn’t as triggered by that as he himself would expect to be. After all, what Hyunjin says actually makes sense to him now.

“Maybe that’s why you don’t want to be there,” Hyunjin continues, even though Felix still tries to shush him. “I mean, we’ll never know for sure, but it might be the reason.”

“You’re right,” Chan agrees. “But the question isn’t why Minho doesn’t want to go there.”

“Oh, true,” Hyunjin offers them a guilty smile. “Well, if I had to choose, I’d wait for a few more days and then agree to that offer if there’s still no reply from others.”

“Shit,” Changbin is the first one to notice that Minho looks away upon hearing that. “They’re expecting to hear from you today?”

“Tomorrow is the last day,” Minho admits. “That’s why I’m asking for advice, because I’m afraid I’ll mess it all up if I make the decision without discussing it with you. It’s a great opportunity, something that not many students get to experience, but I can almost feel that every part of my mind and body is against it.”

“Then I guess you should listen to yourself?” Felix suggests with a wink.

“Okay, listen,” Chan, just like always, knows it’s not as easy as it looks. “It’s your first time, you can still try it next year, right? You should think what you value more, what’s more important right now – the experience you can get there or your own inner peace. If it makes you uncomfortable, then is it actually worth it?”

“But I-”

“Minho,” Chan’s voice softens a little. “I’m not saying you won’t regret it if you choose to wait for other hospitals to respond or if you let your university choose for you. We don’t know that. But it’s still in the future, so there’s no point trying to guess what’s going to happen. It’s your decision, so you must think about yourself first. Will it matter next year or in ten years?”

Somehow, those thoughts didn’t cross Minho’s mind before he heard Chan’s words. He thinks about it for a few minutes and they let him do so, no one dares to interrupt his thoughts or break the comfortable silence. Eventually, Minho realizes he only needed one small push to make up his mind, to accept and justify the decision that’s been in his head ever since he saw the message for the first time.

“Thank you, hyung,” Minho says with all sincerity. “I think I understand now.”

“So, what are you going to do?” Hyunjin asks, resting his chin on Felix’s shoulder.

Felix reaches to catch Hyunjin’s hands and then places them on his waist, making Hyunjin hug him from behind. They look so cute like this that Minho finds it impossible to bite back a smile and Lix smiles at him just as happily, while Changbin snorts and tries to pull Chan in a hug too, but gets a smack on his shoulder instead, which makes everyone in the kitchen laugh.

“I’ll decline their offer and see what happens next,” Minho replies sometime later, watching with an amused smile how Chan still gives Changbin a tight hug afterwards, nearly falling from the couch because of it.

They’re all big kids, but only those kids manage to help him stay sane (while driving him crazy from time to time, but that’s a whole different story).

////

The sixth one is actually stupid, but Minho is a good friend so he doesn’t say that out loud, although this thought doesn’t leave his mind all day.

It all starts with a private message from Felix, in which he asks Minho to “please-please-please” come to their apartment at around four for an emergency meeting but “please-please-please” not tell Changbin about it. The message has Minho frowning, because, yes, Changbin is currently working at the studio (and Felix is most likely well aware of that), but they never hid from each other anything that happened during their so-called emergency meetings, let alone hide the fact that this meeting happened in the first place. Still, he figures that the meeting probably has to do with Changbin, so he decides to save all the questions for when they all gather together and opts for sending a simple “okay” as a reply.

It’s a rare free for Minho Saturday and he actually had plans for the day, but he is yet to learn how to say no to his friends, so at three in the evening he finds himself at the bus stop waiting for the bus to arrive. He wonders why Felix would ask them to gather in his apartment with Chan if it’d be way easier to meet at his and Changbin’s place – not just for him, but for Hyunjin too, since his dorm is closer to their apartment. Minho then remembers that Hyunjin and Felix both have Saturday classes twice a month and that thought makes him pout slightly: he’s the only one who had to go out for this.

He gets there ten minutes late because the bus never comes on time during the weekend, but figures it’s okay, especially considering the fact that he could just stay at home; he doesn’t like to be disturbed on free days.

“The things we do for our friends,” he mutters quietly as he takes the elevator.

“Minho-hyung! Thank you for coming!” Felix greets him as soon as he knocks on the door.

His smile is so happy and shiny that Minho can’t stay annoyed anymore. He smiles back and ruffles Felix’s newly dyed blond hair. Hyunjin yells something from the kitchen, but Minho can’t quite decipher this and instead chooses to follow Felix into the living room where he makes himself comfortable on the couch. Hyunjin joins them a few minutes later, still holding a mug with hot chocolate, and Minho notices new scratches on his knuckles but doesn’t bring that up. It’s hard to stop himself from asking Hyunjin what the hell he got himself into again, but Minho reminds himself it’s not about Hyunjin – at least not right now. More so, he believes his friend won’t really appreciate him going overboard with those questions. It’s already good enough that Hyunjin stopped hiding his knuckles from them and still lets Minho treat his wounds after all the fights and hard nights.

“I’m extremely curious,” Minho admits once Felix dims the lights and turns on his favorite fairy lights. “What brought us all here and why Changbin doesn’t deserve to be informed about our meeting?”

Felix blushes at that, making Hyunjin giggle – he loves it when Minho teases those lovebirds.

“It’s not like that!” Lix protests weakly, but the blush on his cheeks says everything for him.

“Are you sure?” Minho continues his harmless teasing.

“Hyung!” Felix whines, hiding his face behind a pillow. “I… I really need to talk about it with someone, but those two hyungs won’t take it seriously.”

“It’s very bold of you, my dear Lixie, to hope that Minho-hyung will be serious about something that Channie-hyung and Changbin-hyung can’t understand.”

“Shut up, Hwang,” Minho snorts as he kicks Hyunjin with his foot.

Hyunjin just sticks out his tongue childishly, but still moves further from Minho – just in case.

“Alright, what is it then?” Minho asks, grateful that Felix trusts him on that, but still pretty much confused.

“I haven’t been home for a few years already, but it’s our parents’ thirtieth wedding anniversary in a few months and, after discussing it with Channie-hyung and them, we decided it’d be a good excuse to fly back to Australia.”

“Okay, and..?”

“But they said they wanted to meet Changbin! God, they’re even willing to pay for his plane tickets too!” Felix ends up raising his voice, but Minho still can’t quite see the problem.

“So take him with you?” Hyunjin suggests with an innocent smile, and Minho sees that he doesn’t understand a thing as well. “Felix, darling, you’ve already met Changbin’s parents and they completely fell in love with you, so what can happen if Changbin goes to meet yours?”

“The worst that can happen is Changbin freaking out and saying no,” Minho adds with a snort.

“Exactly!” Hyunjin laughs. “That’s his style.”

Felix lets out a heavy sigh and looks at them as if they were two idiots getting lectured about something horrible that they’ve done. Minho tries to understand what bothers Felix, he really does, but the only thing he knows about their parents is that they’re probably the most understanding and cool people ever and that they immediately love everyone who’s kind to their sons. Hyunjin met them once when they came to visit Felix and Chan a few years ago, but his puzzled expression tells Minho that he also has absolutely no idea as to why Felix would look so desperate.

“Okay, Lix,” Minho raises his hands in defeat. “We’re sorry for being so dumb, but can you please elaborate?”

“Our house is a mess, with all the cousins and aunts and uncles, with dogs and cats and our grandparents always coming over too! My family celebrates literally everything, so there will be a big family dinner and since they’ve never met Changbin… There will be a lot of weird questions!” Felix almost cries out.

“Such as?”

“Felix, sweetheart, when are you two going to get married?” Felix replies to him, seemingly trying to copy someone’s voice; Minho guesses it must be one of his grandmothers. “Why didn’t you tell us that you are yet to move in together?”

“Well…” Minho can’t help but roll his eyes when he imagines this scene, and yet it’s still not as bad as he thought before. “Hmm…”

“They don’t understand that it’s not so easy!”

“Sorry for going off topic, but it’s actually an interesting question: why do you still live with Chan-hyung?” Hyunjin asks, hissing as he accidentally hits his elbow on the table because of moving his arms way too excitedly.

“It’s easier for both of us,” Felix says simply. “And for Minho-hyung too, actually, because he doesn’t have to pay Binnie’s part of the rent.”

“I could just move in with him instead,” Hyunjin shrugs, but Minho immediately says no to this. “I almost live there anyway!”

“Almost doesn’t count,” Minho replies firmly. “We’d destroy each other on the very first day.”

Felix mumbles something about how Hyunjin would move out the moment he met Seungmin anyway, and Minho gasps when he hears it. Sure, Felix, being Hyunjin’s best friend, has more rights and knows better what he’s allowed to say and when, but sometimes he gets so distracted by his own worries that he forgets about the so-called rules (obviously, unofficial rules that they never discussed with Hyunjin). One of those rules is to never mention meeting Seungmin in the first week after seeing Hyunjin’s new scratches and bruises unless he brings it up himself. Sounds stupid, sure, but it makes a huge difference: Hyunjin has to be the one choosing when to speak about some topics that are highly sensitive for him.

Hyunjin gives them a fake smile once he hears it and even makes a half-hearted joke about it, but they both know him well enough to understand that Felix has just unintentionally ruined his mood for the rest of the day. Talking about Felix and Chan’s family that is so kind and understanding must already be hard enough for him, but he still makes an effort, tries to be of help. Minho knows that Felix appreciates this, but makes a mental note to remind the younger to be more careful with what he says and does. No matter how strange it may look to them, those are Hyunjin’s feelings, and if that’s how he reacts to certain things, then they have no right to judge him.

“It’s okay, Lix,” Hyunjin assures him when Felix starts apologizing, but there’s hurt written all over his face no matter how much he tries to cover that with a happy mask. “Seriously, stop.”

“Felix, your phone,” Minho nudges him with his elbow to get his attention.

Minho is actually grateful that the stream of Felix’s countless apologies doesn’t continue as he instead focuses on talking with Chan, although his eyes never leave Hyunjin’s face even as he speaks. Suddenly, an idea comes to Minho’s mind and he hopes it’s not too weird and out of character when he crawls over to Hyunjin and buries his head in his chest, distracting both Hyunjin from thinking about what happened and Felix from trying to come up with better words to apologize.

Hyunjin clearly gets surprised by his actions, but doesn’t comment on that and only ruffles Minho’s hair – with so much care and tenderness behind this small move that Minho’s heart skips a beat. Hyunjin never ceases to amaze him: despite being hurt so many times, he still remains the softest bundle of warmth and happiness, who has so much love to give that it’s almost overwhelming for him. Minho doesn’t like cuddles that much, but what he does like is being there for Hyunjin when he desperately needs someone to give love to. He sincerely hopes that Hyunjin can feel his love too.

Minho feels so warm and comfortable that he doesn’t even notice that Felix is done talking at first until he shakes his head with a sigh.

“Sorry for making you both spend your time on this,” Lix says with a hint of guilt in his voice that makes Minho sit up right away.

This Saturday must be reserved for cuddles, he thinks to himself as he pulls his friend in for a hug. Hyunjin joins them from the other side a few moments later, and they stay like this for some time. Minho suddenly realizes that he doesn’t mind: it actually feels nice.

“Um… Channie-hyung already talked to Changbin and explained him everything, so we’re going to Australia all together. I should’ve just waited for a bit more instead of panicking and, I guess, have some more faith in my own boyfriend…”

“Shh, don’t say that,” Minho interrupts him. “It’s all okay. You were scared and you needed us, so there’s nothing wrong with what you did. You’re always by our side, so we want to do the same for you, alright?”

“Thank you, hyung,” Felix mumbles in his shoulder. “And Hyunjinnie, too. Thank you both.”

“But try to talk to Changbin-hyung first next time something like this happens, okay?”

////

The seventh and eighth happen on the same day and they both make Minho worried sick, even if he tries his best not to show it.

It’s only been two weeks since their last meeting, so he hoped nothing like this would happen for a while – a longer while, but boy how wrong he was. Monday morning, along with its usual tiredness and grumpiness, also brings them a seemingly innocent message from Hyunjin in the chat. For real, it’s nothing strange from the first glance, just a simple _“I’ve got something to discuss with you guys! Can this be an emergency meeting perhaps? :)”_ , but when Minho and Changbin exchange understanding grim looks before suggesting to gather in their apartment, they both know it’s going to be something bad, to say the least.

Hyunjin went home on Thursday and was supposed to spend the whole weekend there (he really tries to go there only when it’s absolutely necessary, but it was his father’s birthday on Friday, so he had to be with family), but he returned to Seoul on Saturday morning and didn’t respond to either calls or message since then. He didn’t even have to tell them anything, though, as they all knew Hyunjin’s trip home wasn’t as peaceful as he hoped it would be. Minho stayed up all night, thinking that Hyunjin would eventually come to their place, but he didn’t appear – neither on Saturday nor on Sunday.

Minho hates how this has almost become a normal thing for their lives, hates that he can’t think of different ways to help Hyunjin other than to let him be and just make sure to always be there for him once he lets them in. The pressure on his shoulders is too much for him to handle: Hyunjin drinks and parties to forget (the worst and funniest thing about this is that Hyunjin hates the taste of alcohol), gets into every fight he sees just to remind himself that he’s still a human being who can feel physical pain as bright as emotional, he harms himself – intentionally or not – in more ways that they know about. The only person who can help keep Hyunjin grounded, bring back his happy smile and inner peace, is, however, out of reach, and Minho isn’t sure how much longer they will be able to save Hyunjin from more trouble and pain.

After thinking for a record time of twenty seconds, just to have this illusion of being a dedicated student, Minho decides to skip classes today as he’d rather stay here and be by Hyunjin’s side than listen to lectures that he can later copy from someone. It’s not the best decision and he knows it, but at the same time he’s fully convinced that skipping one day of classes for the sake of his close friend won’t hurt.

“Do you think Chan-hyung will make it here on time?” Changbin asks from the sink where he’s currently washing the dishes.

Minho frowns at the question because, really, will he? As far as they know, Chan works the whole day on Mondays, and he also didn’t respond to any of their messages in the chat, probably too busy with work to check his phone. Hyunjin promised to come to their apartment by two, so Minho is almost sure at this point that they’ll have to once again go through it without Chan, someone who’d know what to do.

“I highly doubt that,” Minho mutters as he hands Changbin their dirty mugs. “But he tends to listen to me more anyway. Having Chan around would be nice, though.”

Right at this moment both of their phones vibrate with the notification about a new message in their group chat. Minho doesn’t hesitate to grab and unlock his, feeling relief spread all over his body once he sees that the message is from Chan, who promises to join them.

“You’re not going to university?” Changbin wonders then, a little puzzled, to which Minho just shrugs.

“This is more important,” is all he says as he gets up and heads to his room. “I’ll go work on my assignment for a while.”

He sincerely tries to do just that, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t focus on the task in front of his eyes, because instead his thoughts keep coming back to Hyunjin and his family. Still, he somehow manages to finish one third of what he’s supposed to present next week and do some reading and research for the rest of it, and then there’s a quiet, almost shy knock on their front door that brings him back to reality and makes him nearly fly from his chair to open the door.

Hyunjin stands there, looking bright and cheerful despite having at least ten new scratches and bruises all over his face. He’s wearing an oversized, long-sleeved hoodie that hides the rest of his body from Minho’s sight, but Minho doesn’t need to see it to be sure that there’s more under the fabric of his hoodie. Wordlessly, Minho lets him inside and gestures towards the kitchen, following him shortly after. Hyunjin takes a seat on the couch with such a peaceful expression on his face that Minho can’t help but wonder if it’s another mask or if Hyunjin really stopped caring about himself to this extent, where physical pain is just a minor inconvenience.

“Tea, coffee or chocolate?” Minho offers as he opens one of the drawers where all of their drinks are stored, trying to at least visibly remain as collected and calm as Hyunjin looks.

“Can I have strawberry tea?”

“Aw, sorry, I’m afraid Felix finished it last time they had a sleepover. I should remind Changbin to buy some more.”

“Then… how about linden tea?” Hyunjin slowly says, more interested in studying their fridge than looking at Minho.

Nonetheless, Minho nods and places five mugs on the table as the kettle dings softly. He notices that Changbin stands in the doorway, watching their meaningless exchange with a very unamused look, but only sighs and doesn’t say anything. He knows how stupid it is, to be discussing the drinks when there are far more important things, but he also knows that he can’t just jump at Hyunjin with questions. He’s been there (not necessarily experiencing and doing exactly what Hyunjin does, but still _there_ ) and he knows better.

“Hi, Jinnie,” Changbin finally makes his presence known, receiving a bright smile in return. “You got us all worried.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Hyunjin almost whispers then, looking away.

Minho glares at Changbin, but doesn’t get to say anything as Felix’s deep voice fills the small apartment. Chan says something to him too, but they can’t hear it as the siblings lower their voices the moment they get inside. Minho doesn’t question it, instead choosing to make sure that everyone’s drink is the right temperature and in the right mug – there’s going to be a long conversation, so they better not waste time on that. Chan accepts his mug with a tired groan and opts for sitting on the floor instead of his favorite couch, letting Felix take his place instead.

Once they all get comfortable, with Felix’s arms wrapped around Hyunjin’s waist safely and Chan sipping on his much-needed coffee, Minho decides that it’s finally time to ask questions.

“So, Jinnie… I believe you wanted to tell us something?”

Hyunjin nods, flashing a bright smile that still looks so _fake_ to Minho. He knows that kind of a smile, used it on his parents in the past.

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I suddenly came to a realization that it’d be really nice to take a year off and travel, volunteer or work somewhere in a different country. It’s a great opportunity to see more of the world!”

Minho hears a quiet gasp somewhere from the side but can’t bother to look there as his own mind starts racing with thoughts, one worse than another. The opportunity is great, indeed, but it’d only be good for Hyunjin if he wasn’t in such a desperate situation right now. Hyunjin looks rather proud of his idea, but, seeing how Minho exchanges worried glances with the others and hearing nothing but heavy silence, his smile falls.

“Hyunjin… Have you thought this through?” Chan asks in the softest voice, looking like a father explaining something to his child.

At times, Minho must admit, he also feels as if Chan was his father; it’s good for Hyunjin, though, as he believes. There’s no anger or annoyance on his face, just worry and patience, and it seems to be enough for Hyunjin to admit that this isn’t such a bright idea after all. Still, he tries to defend it, although everything is already written on his face.

“Why not?” he says, but his voice is trembling a little. “This plan is just as good as any other!”

Minho really wants to argue, but Chan wordlessly asks to let him handle this, and he nods, shifting in his chair nervously. Hyunjin’s cheeks flush red and there are tears in his eyes as his voice gets a little higher as he speaks; he ignores Felix’s small hands on his shoulders and gets up to his feet.

“If I stay here any longer, then I… I have no idea what’s going to happen!” he exclaims, finally letting tears stream down his face.

Felix reaches to hug him again, but Chan catches him by the hem of his shirt and shakes his head, once again silently asking everyone to trust him. Hyunjin doesn’t seem to notice any of that.

“I’m so sick of my life!” he continues. “I’m tired of my parents always telling me what to do, tired of the professors constantly getting on my nerves, tired of waking up every morning and knowing for sure that this never-ending sick cycle will once again continue! I want to go somewhere far, where no one will know me, where I won’t have any image to maintain!”

He’s still crying, but his eyes suddenly get wider as he thinks of something; he turns all his attention to Chan now, looking scared and hurt, but just as stubborn as he goes on.

“I don’t know if things can change if I actually do this, but there is something I know for sure. If this continues, I won’t last.”

Minho gulps when Hyunjin slowly rolls up the sleeve of his hoodie, revealing two fresh scars on his wrist that is free of the soulmate-identifying mark. The cuts aren’t deep enough to actually do any damage, they’re only there to cause pain, but knowing that Hyunjin reached this point of despair where nothing else calms him down scares him – scares them all.

This is the first time when Hyunjin openly confirms Minho’s fears about him having suicidal thoughts, and he feels so lost and helpless right now because _he_ has never reached that line, never fell so deep to the point of no return, so he has no idea what to do for Hyunjin now. Chan is the first one to recover from the initial shock, he pulls Hyunjin down to sit next to him on the floor and lets him cry on his shoulder while gently rubbing his back. Minho doesn’t know what’s going on in his head right now, but it’s clear as day that Chan isn’t as surprised as they all are. Felix still stares at Hyunjin with wide eyes; he’s crying as well, but doesn’t even notice it until Changbin wipes off the tears with his thumbs.

“I don’t know, hyung, I don’t know,” Hyunjin keeps whimpering into Chan’s blue shirt. “I don’t…”

“Shh, it’s alright, it’s alright,” Chan whispers to him and, suddenly, Minho feels incredibly intrusive.

He’s never been that good at supporting people, but now that he has absolutely nothing to offer but his aching heart, he’s not sure if he even has any right to be present in his own kitchen right now. Hyunjin’s loud sobs are the only sounds filling the space; Minho thinks he’s never seen anything more painful in his entire life. Behind Hyunjin’s happy mask is the hurt and scarred person, always feeling lonely despite having people who really love him, and what scares Minho the most is that they never know when Hyunjin’s being sincere with them and when he pretends to be okay just to fool them and himself too. Minho is so, so mad at the universe for making Hyunjin go through all of this suffering.

“I am so pathetic,” Hyunjin hiccups ten minutes later, but Chan quickly shushes him.

“You’re most definitely not, Jinnie. If anything, you’re very strong because you’re still here with us, because you’re still fighting. You chose to tell us instead of taking your life away and that’s very brave of you. There’s only so much you can do on your own when your brain starts messing with you, and you’re only human, so it’s totally fine to break down and to feel helpless at times. But you need to remember that there are people who really love you, like us, people who are always ready to help you with anything they can. No one is going to judge you for being yourself and for fighting your own battles, no, Hyunjin, we’re so proud of you. I don’t know and I can’t even imagine what you have to go through every single day, but you’re the only one who can manage to be you, to live your life. And you have no idea how many different colors you bring to our lives, to the world, by just being yourself. It gets hard and sometimes it feels almost unbearable, I understand that. Giving up seems like the easiest option, but it takes just as much courage as trying to live on. Are you sure that you tried everything? Are you sure things won’t change in a year or two? Hyunjin, darling, I know that you feel so empty and tired that thinking about struggling for another year is like a nightmare to you, but… think of the good moments, those that are still worth living for. There must be moments like that, right? Happiness doesn’t last forever and you know it, we all live from one sweet moment to another, but you just happened to have harder battles between those moments. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy, but it means you’ll be able to cherish your happiness more than others, feel it better, brighter. You’re such an amazing person, Hyunjin, and you know why exactly? Because you are who you are, because you don’t pretend to be better and smarter, because you’re real, because it’s you. I know taking a year off feels like a good plan and I won’t deny that it may change something for you, but I just want you to remember that you can’t run away from yourself and the problems that are inside your brain. Wherever you are, they’ll get you, and that might be worse than it is right now.”

By the end of Chan’s really long monologue Minho realizes that he’s been crying all the time as well; when tears start falling from his chin onto his neck, he quickly excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. He knows he’ll miss the end of the conversation, but he can’t stay there any longer, not when Hyunjin is crying, not when Chan says such important things that he wishes someone said to him years ago. He can’t stop crying, it’s like his eyes refuse to cooperate with his brain and the tears keep streaming down his cheeks. Minho is so, so worried about Hyunjin, but at the same time all of his own bad thoughts suddenly come back to him, making him feel even more insignificant to the world than he used to feel before.

He can already tell it’s an anxiety attack, but he isn’t sure if he’s mentally prepared to deal with it now. He closes his eyes and tries to focus on something happier than this, thinks of Felix’s warm hands and Changbin’s laugh, counts from one to ten and backwards, taking deep breaths and ignoring everything else. Minho is quite used to dealing with anxiety attacks on his own now, but he’s still surprised when he manages to control it before it actually hits him. He spends a few more minutes focusing on his breathing and then washes his face with cold water before returning to the kitchen, only to find Changbin mindlessly staring at the empty coffee mug in front of him.

“Where are they?” Minho asks, puzzled, and it’s only now that Changbin notices his presence.

“They talked for a bit and Chan decided to take them both to their apartment. He just sent a text saying that he’ll be back soon. Lix will stay with Hyunjin, but he would join us otherwise.”

“Yeah, I think we have a lot to discuss,” Minho agrees quietly as he takes a seat on the couch. “I couldn’t even think that Hyunjin would do this.”

“Me neither,” Changbin admits with a short nod. “But I guess hyung was expecting to hear something like this, you know, with the way he was slowly pushing Hyunjin to let it all out.”

“Mhm,” is all Minho can manage right now; his head is suddenly empty.

“Maybe they’ll manage to convince him to get help now.”

“I highly doubt that,” he says with a sigh. “But it can work later, once he finds his reasons to live for. It all comes with time, and it doesn’t matter how awful you feel when you reach the bottom. I can’t speak for everyone, but I believe that the worse you feel the more stubborn you get about getting help. That’s just how your brain works, it gets so clouded with pain that you can’t really believe there is something to fight for.”

“I guess you’re right.”

They don’t speak after that, both busy with their own heavy and unpleasant thoughts, until they hear that Chan comes back to the apartment. He looks even more tired now, almost washed out, and Minho’s first instinct is to make him another cup of coffee, which Chan gladly accepts with a faint smile and a quiet “thank you” as he also sits on the couch.

“How is he?” Changbin asks first and Minho is grateful for this.

“They were both still crying when I left, but I know Felix will think of something. Hyunjin doesn’t have much energy left, so he’ll fall asleep soon, but he better not be alone.”

“Did you know?”

Chan nods, but then shakes his head almost immediately.

“I thought about it, but I hoped this wasn’t the case. He’s really tired and all he wants is to escape from his own thoughts, but, like I said, it’s impossible to run from yourself and Hyunjin is smart enough to understand it, so he chose to try that instead.”

Minho imagines how scared and lost Hyunjin must’ve been at that moment and shudders at the thought.

“He won’t do this again for a while,” Chan quickly assures them. “He told me it hurt more than he thought and that he felt afraid of going for more. But I wouldn’t get too hopeful, though, because as far as I know, no one gets the satisfaction on their first try. If he tries it later, he may get addicted to that, so we must do our best to make sure that he doesn’t feel this way again.”

“How?” Changbin asks with hints of disbelief in his voice.

“Firstly, don’t even think to treat him any differently because of what happened. There’s no need to constantly remind him about it, it’ll only spark his dangerous thoughts again. Asking about his feelings is alright, however, as well as reminding him that we’re always there for him. Secondly, he shouldn’t go home alone anymore, at least not for a while. Felix wants to go with him next time, which is, thankfully, not as soon as it could be, but I guess you can join them too, since you two have families there. Thirdly, he should find more things to get himself busy with, so that his brain has less time to act up. You two can also help with this. And lastly, we’re taking him with us to Australia. Yes, he can’t run away from his problems, but a short change of perspective won’t hurt. Also, he will be with us the whole time, so we’ll make sure he has the best two weeks there.”

“Channie-hyung?” Minho calls him with a hopeful smile spreading on his face.

“Mm?”

“You’re the best,” he says, and he’s so glad to see Chan’s smile mirroring his own. “We’re all so lucky to have you.”

“Come on, Minho, you know that’s the least I can do for all of you. You’re all like little brothers to me, I’d do anything for you.”

They don’t get to say anything as Chan’s phone suddenly dings, telling the owner that there’s a new private message. Chan hesitates for a second before taking the phone only to smile widely upon seeing who the message is from. He shows it to Minho and Changbin and they both share a warm smile too.

Felix sent Chan a selfie, in which they can see him and Hyunjin huddled up in bed, with Hyunjin sleeping soundly beside Felix and their fingers intertwined. And if Seungmin’s name on Hyunjin’s wrist shines unusually bright in this picture, neither of them notices, blaming it on the filters. What’s more important is that Hyunjin finally gets some sleep, surrounded by friendly warmth and love.

////

The ninth one isn’t really an emergency meeting, but rather a prank, a party, even, although they still count it as one.

It is, undoubtedly, one of Felix’s “brightest ideas”, as he called it, and at first Minho was very skeptical about it (as one should be about every Felix’s plan). Felix wanted to fake an emergency meeting on Sunday to trick Chan into joining them and finally having proper rest. He’s been working non-stop for the past three weeks, sometimes forgetting to eat and always sleeping for less than five hours, so it was natural to see Felix so worried about his brother and Minho understood that, really, but it just had to happen during his own period of exams when he didn’t have enough time to breathe, let alone actively take part in preparing everything for that surprise party.

Changbin and Hyunjin, however, were so happy and enthusiastic about the idea, that Minho just couldn’t say no to their group attack on him. Felix assured him he didn’t have to do much, only get all the food and drinks ready on that day, so in the end Minho gave up and agreed to do just that.

Since Chan would obviously realize what they’re up to if they decided to hold the so-called meeting in their apartment, Minho and Changbin had to once again provide their small kitchen for whatever evil purpose Felix had in mind. Now that there’s just half an hour left before the disaster unfolds, Minho looks around that same kitchen and once again wonders if it was the right thing after all.

There are colorful decorations made of paper on every wall, as well as a few soft pillows on the floor to make it “more comfortable for whoever ends up sitting there” (honestly, Minho thinks it’d be way better if they just bought another chair instead), and it doesn’t even look that bad, but Felix also insisted on printing quite a big banner that said “Welcome home, cheater” and hanging it on the fridge. He was so sure it’d make Chan (and Changbin too) laugh that Minho couldn’t resist it. Now, however, he isn’t sure how all that makes him feel, so instead of wasting time to regret being so soft for his friends he goes back to revising stuff for his upcoming exam.

He can hear Felix and Hyunjin laughing about something in Changbin’s room, and if usually he would feel annoyed because of being disturbed while in the middle of exams, now he is grateful to hear those sounds. To be completely honest, Minho only agreed to this whole idea because he saw how excited it made Hyunjin feel, which was a very rare thing in the past two months.

“Alright, Channie-hyung is already on his way, so it’s time for us to get ready!” Felix exclaims loudly as the trio enters the kitchen. “Why is your nose still buried in those notes? Where’s your party hat!”

Minho rolls his eyes at the question but doesn’t say anything and reaches for a really weird-looking green paper hat. He puts it on and looks at Felix as if asking _“Satisfied now?”_ , and then heads to his room to throw the notebook on his neatly made bed before returning to the kitchen. With all those decorations and the table full of drinks and boxes with food it looks even smaller than usually, but, for once, they’re having _a party_ so Minho promises himself to enjoy it to the fullest.

Chan’s eyes are wide as saucers when Felix and Hyunjin greet him with paper confetti instead of crying on each other’s shoulders, but he quickly recovers from shock and starts laughing (no, Minho definitely isn’t thinking about how painful it’ll be to clean the apartment once it’s all over). Upon seeing the banner on the fridge and their stupid party hats, Chan’s laughter only gets louder, and they all join him this time; their giggles and laughter makes the atmosphere much warmer and lighter.

“Felix’s sense of humor never changes,” Chan comments once the laughter dies down.

“Hyung!” Felix whines at that. “How’d you guess?”

“Who else is going to call him cheater,” Minho snorts as Lix playfully smacks his shoulder. “Alright, what’s your plan, kid?”

“M-my plan?”

“Well, you must’ve thought of some ways to entertain us all, right?” Hyunjin chimes in too, just to tease his best friend.

“Yeah, we’re all here, so it’s your moment now,” Changbin joins them as he sits on the floor and hugs one of the pillows.

Felix eyes them suspiciously, clearly not knowing what to say, until it finally clicks in his head that they’re just messing with him. He then pretends to get mad and even throws another pillow right at Hyunjin’s face (and no one can explain why he chose the almost innocent Hyunjin). Hyunjin immediately returns it and, as funny as it is, Minho has to step in and stop them from turning it into a pillow fight: they still need this kitchen, after all. He brings their attention to food instead, and for the next fifteen minutes enjoys the peace and calm.

Chan asks him about the exams and soon Minho finds himself complaining so much and in such details that Hyunjin puts a hand on his forehead to check if he has a fever, because it’s so out of character that it takes them all by surprise. Minho glares at him, but it’s only to get back to his usual self as he’s not really annoyed or anything. Chan, chewing on his slice of pizza, shares some of his news too; Felix is clearly surprised that he’s not talking about work, but rather about music and other projects he had the opportunity to work on.

“By the way, Minho…” Chan begins as he steals a glance at Changbin, who gives him a short nod. “Would you like to sing on one of our new tracks?”

Minho nearly chokes on his juice when he hears it and Felix even has to give him a few pats on the back just to make sure that everything’s okay. His eyes are wide open in shock as he looks at his friends, who are smiling and exchanging high-fives upon seeing his reaction. He opens his mouth, but then realizes his mind can’t produce any words at the moment and closes it, still staring at Chan in disbelief.

He has no idea what exactly made them even _think_ that it is a good idea and has zero intentions to ask about it. Sure, he took a few singing classes when he was still a kid, but after that all his singing was limited to jamming along to his favorite songs while showering, which can’t really catch anyone’s attention – unless it’s fainting on the spot because of how horrible he sounds.

Okay, perhaps he _is_ being a little too dramatic about his singing skills, but they’re certainly not good enough to participate on a whole song that’s going to be released for people to listen to it.

“No, I… I can’t,” he finally manages.

“See?” Changbin says with a sigh. “I told you it’d be like this.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be myself if I gave up that easily,” Chan half-jokes as he gives Minho a smile. “Just think about it, okay? Your voice would fit this song perfectly.”

“But why me?” Minho asks, still a little puzzled. “You have plenty of friends who actually sing.”

“Ah, alright, I won’t lie. Changbin and I have an awesome idea, but we sadly don’t know anyone who could reach those notes. You, on the other hand, can do it just fine. Come on, I heard you singing in the shower.”

“Mhm, that’s a lovely show,” Hyunjin comments from his corner and Minho wonders how many times his friends heard him giving free concerts while being blissfully unaware of it.

He knows Chan and Changbin always trust their gut feeling when it comes to music and he must admit he enjoyed most of the tracks they produced and sang or rapped for. One may feel that there is something missing in some of them, but, all in all, most of their music is way better than just “decent”, as they say, so he figures that singing for them would be an honor, as well as guaranteed few days of fun while practicing and recording it. There is, however, one tiny detail stopping him from saying yes right now, and Chan seems to notice that as he places his hand on Minho’s shoulder and gives it a friendly pat.

“I mean it, Minho,” he promises. “There’s no pressure, but we’d be very grateful if you agreed to help us out. You’re going to do great.”

“Why are you so hesitant, hyung?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t sing anywhere outside the shower. I’m not a professional singer.”

“Well, I agree to a certain extent,” Changbin chimes in. “But remember that I dropped out of university and learned everything all by myself, with Chan-hyung’s help. Besides, you don’t have to be a professional to just feature on one track.”

“And if you don’t like the result, we won’t release it, I promise,” Chan assures him.

Minho sighs as he looks at Felix, who’s been unusually quiet ever since Chan brought up this topic. He notices that Minho’s eyes are on him and the tips of his ears get red. Felix doesn’t say anything, but just seeing his ears is already enough for Minho to understand what he’s been up to. Felix didn’t just plan a surprise party for Chan (which seemed to be a success, so he gets a pass for this), but also created an opportunity for Chan and Changbin to bother Minho about singing on their song.

“Felix, you little shit,” he says, but there’s no anger behind those words. “What else did you plan for today?!”

“Nothing, I swear!” Felix replies quickly, but it’s all written on his face as he blushes bright red.

Minho narrows his eyes at him, but this time the others look pretty confused too. Felix soon gives up under their gazes and reveals another part of his plan.

“I was going to ask if… you’ll let us make a choreo for this song and use it for our final project this year,” he stutters a little, blushing even deeper when Hyunjin’s jaw drops at that.

“Why didn’t you tell me anything?” is the first thing Hyunjin asks.

“I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone! Jinnie, I know you love their songs, and since you asked me to choose our song anyway, I thought I…”

“Now who’s the little cheater here,” Chan muses with a smile, making them all laugh. “Let’s have a deal then: we let you have the song if Minho joins us on it.”

“Hey!” Minho exclaims with a pout. “That’s not fair.”

But what can he do if he has four pairs of puppy eyes staring at him with hope? Minho believes he’s going to regret this quite soon, but he still nods, making his friends yell happily as they all exchange high-fives now.

“Okay, deal,” he agrees with a heavy sigh – ah, those kids.

Once he’s back in his room, Minho makes a mental note to never trust Felix with surprises again.

////

Frankly speaking, Minho already lost count of how many emergency meetings they’ve had, but today’s one is very important for all of them. It’s called for by Felix and Chan, who both swear they want to share something interesting and most definitely not heartbreaking, but Minho still doesn’t trust those siblings, not after all the years they spent together.

He chuckles quietly when his phone starts ringing less than a minute after this message, Jisung’s name on the screen. Getting comfortable on his bed, Minho accepts the video call and can’t help but smile as soon as he sees Jisung waving at him excitedly. He waves back and nearly drops his phone because of it, but Jisung is kind enough not to tease him about it – he just giggles and greets Minho instead.

“Hi yourself,” Minho hums as he rests his head on the pillow. “Damn, I still can’t get used to seeing you with orange hair.”

“Why though?” Jisung asks with a fake frown on his face.

Minho decides to play along and get this little joke a little further. They’re still testing the waters and getting used to each other in many ways, so he usually tries to be careful, but they’ve already agreed on playing around from time to time – with no harm intended behind those jokes, obviously.

“Well, if previously you looked ninety seven percent quokka, now, I’m afraid, not even the quokkas will be able to tell if you’re their ally or just another human.”

Jisung laughs at this, just like Minho predicted, but it’s still so nice to see him this happy and know that he’s the reason for this.

“Hyung, that’s not funny,” Jisung tells him and yet the smile never leaves his face. “Anyways, I wanted to ask about that emergency meeting of yours. Shall I be scared?”

“Ah, no,” Minho quickly assures him. “It got a lot better with time, now we mostly have those to announce something or share important news. But I’d say you can never trust Chan on that, so I recommend to be mentally prepared for anything. Wait, you’re going to join us?”

Minho is a little confused, because previously Jisung politely declined all their invitations despite having really good relationships with everyone in their group. He once said he needed more time to prepare for something as serious as this and Minho didn’t push him afterwards, fully understanding that Jisung needed to get to know them better to understand and accept their little tradition of having emergency meetings on every important occasion. Now that Jisung is asking questions, though, Minho isn’t sure about anything anymore.

“Yes,” Jisung replies shyly. “I thought about it a lot and this one seems like a great opportunity. If they both simply want to share something important, then I’m down for it, but I still don’t think I’ll be any good at giving advice.”

“To be honest, half of our meetings consisted of either Hyunjin clinging onto Felix or the other way around, so it’s not always about giving advice. Besides, you’re really good at it too, you should give yourself more credit.”

“Thank you, hyung! Alright then, are we going to gather at Chan-hyung’s apartment?”

“Wait, did you seriously call me just to make sure it’s not going to be something stressful? Unbelievable.”

Minho pretends to be a little offended at that, but he knows Jisung won’t buy it. The guy just shrugs and mumbles something about Minho being an expert on those emergency meetings, obviously referring to the fact that most of them were held in his apartment. For a moment, Minho forgets that Jisung has Chan’s address memorized better than his as they work there whenever the studio starts to feel too small for the three of them. Jisung laughs at him for this, calling him a dummy, but Minho just sticks out his tongue and hangs up with a promise to meet Jisung there.

In fact, once Changbin and Felix finally decided to move in together, Chan offered Minho to move to his apartment instead, but Minho is still thinking about that. Although he does get a little lonely from time to time and the rent is now higher, considering that he has to pay for a whole place, unlike before, Minho likes it here. Not much is going to change for him if he accepts Chan’s offer, though, just the place itself, so he seriously considers doing just that in the next few months.

Knowing that Chan’s kitchen is always empty of any food, he grabs a few snacks and soon gets on the bus as he’s already running a bit late. He knows he’ll be forgiven the moment he shows them food, though, so he doesn’t rush too much. It’s Changbin who opens the door, and Minho greets him happily, getting an equally bright smile in return: he only moved out two months ago, but Minho already misses seeing him every day; after all, they spent so many years living together that it’s hard to get used to not having it anymore.

It’s only been a few weeks since they gathered all together in this same apartment (as it’s big enough to fit them all comfortably and, well, Chan doesn’t mind, instead encouraging them to come more often), and yet, for some reason it feels like forever. All this time Minho’s been so busy that he barely had time to sleep, let alone meet anyone outside of his apartment, so he’s really excited to see everyone’s faces now. For a second he catches himself thinking that it’s so _not_ like him – to be this happy to see people, even if they’re his family at this point, but then brushes it off and finally gets into the living room.

He greets Chan and hands him the food, accepts his own special hug from Felix (it’s just a regular hug, but Felix likes to call it special and who Minho is to argue with this) and then waves at Jisung, who was previously busy playing Chan’s guitar in the corner. Seeing Jisung sends a warm wave over his body and Minho once again wonders if he will ever get used to the way his eyes sparkle every time they meet his own, if he will ever have enough of this. Jisung hesitates for a second before coming closer and pulling him in for a hug that lasts longer than usually. It’s still difficult for Jisung to express and accept love, especially when it comes to touching, so Minho’s eyes get wide in surprise, but he doesn’t get to ask any questions as Hyunjin and Seungmin finally notice his presence too.

“Hi, hyung!” they both say at the same time and giggle at that.

Minho says hi to them too and goes to the kitchen to see if there’s anything he can help with. The kitchen, however, presents him another episode of Channie-hyung teasing his little brother and his boyfriend, making them both blush furiously because of something Minho didn’t catch. They don’t notice him, too busy calling Chan a traitor, but Chan winks at him and Minho has to bite his lip in order to not laugh out loud.

Once he returns to the living room, he spots another couple being all lovey-dovey right in front of everyone’s eyes. Seungmin sits on Hyunjin’s lap, but Hyunjin still pulls him even closer, although there’s already little to no space left between their bodies. His arms are circled around Seungmin’s waist and Seungmin has his hands placed over Hyunjin’s, humming along to a song that no one else can hear. Hyunjin leans in to whisper something in his ear, something that makes Seungmin turn serious for a few seconds, and then he replies just as quietly, gently patting Hyunjin’s left hand as he speaks.

Minho feels a little intrusive, but he can’t seem to take his eyes off of these two, almost feeling how his heart melts at the sight. Hyunjin then presses a tender kiss to Seungmin’s temple, resting his chin on his boyfriend’s shoulder afterwards as he closes his eyes. Seungmin just smiles at that, mindlessly tracing random figures on Hyunjin’s still scratched knuckles. Hyunjin looks so comfortable and peaceful that Minho wouldn’t get surprised if he heard his friend purring like a cat from all the warmth and love surrounding him.

Although Hyunjin still finds it really hard to accept himself and struggles to stop hurting himself from time to time, now Minho is sure that he’s in good hands, that he’s safe and that he will be okay someday. It’s absolutely out of the question now that Seungmin is there to help him through it all, now that they share all the pain and laughter together.

“They’re cute, aren’t they?” Jisung asks behind his back quietly and Minho nearly jumps because of it, caught off guard. “Sorry, did I scare you?”

“No, I was just thinking…” Minho whispers back. “I’m so proud of Hyunjin and so, so grateful for having Seungmin in our lives.”

“Me too,” Jisung chuckles at the last part. “Me too, every day.”

When everyone takes their seat (Minho ends up squeezed between Jisung and Changbin), Chan and Felix exchange soft smiles and thank everyone for coming. Hyunjin still stays glued to Seungmin, only turning his head to the side with a curious expression lingering on his previously peaceful face. Suddenly, Changbin gets up from the couch and comes to stand next to Felix, intertwining their fingers with a smug smile. Felix blushes at that, just like he always does despite also being the first one to tease and play dirty jokes on Changbin, and Minho believes he knows it all now. Jisung, however, raises his eyebrows in confusion, while Hyunjin and Seungmin share a look full of unspoken questions.

“You won’t ever decide on who’s going to say it first, so do it together, alright?” Minho suggests and, to his surprise, they agree.

“I know I promised you it wasn’t anything bad, and I can still swear it isn’t, but I guess I’d still need your… advice,” Chan says first, giving them a pretty belated warning.

“One day I’m going to end you,” Minho promises as he rolls his eyes, now hurriedly preparing himself for what’s to come.

“I think someone is in love with me,” Chan tells them as he looks away with faint blush on his cheeks. “Someone who shouldn’t be.”

“Felix and I decided to get married,” Changbin announces at the same time.

 _Oh,_ Minho thinks, _this is going to be a long one._


	7. bonus: the seungmin thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short & sweet but I hope you enjoy it because Seungmin is finally in the building! ;)  
> I am oh SO in love with this Minnie here! 
> 
> Please-please-please leave comments to let me know about your thoughts - literally anything, even just keyboard smash will make my day a lot brighter. It's... hard to go on with little feedback. 
> 
> Also, I made a twitter acc to cry about how much I love my characters, so feel free to [follow](https://twitter.com/starry_voices) and interact! It'd mean a lot <3

Most of the time, Seungmin gets up quite early, he would even go as far as saying that he normally wakes up with the sunrise. He enjoys seeing the world, its nature and all the people wake up with him, loves this feeling of belonging somewhere, truly being a part of the big mysterious universe. Even on weekends, when he doesn’t have anywhere to be and anything urgent to do, he still doesn’t let himself sleep longer, instead choosing to read in bed for a few hours before going on with the day. Early mornings are Seungmin’s favorite part of the day, that’s for sure, but there are still times when he feels unwell and can’t resist the desire to sleep in or even spend the whole day in bed.

It’s just another Monday that shouldn’t be any different from other Mondays in his life, but as soon as Seungmin hears his alarm and opens his eyes, he knows that something is off and hates it. He feels unnaturally moody and cold, although he’s absolutely sure it’s not a flu or anything like that, and all he wants is to close the curtains and stay curled under a blanket for the rest of the day.

It takes him a long while and all of his willpower to drag himself out of bed, and, glancing at the clock, Seungmin silently thanks himself for always setting his alarm early, so that even if something like this happens, he still manages to follow his handmade timetable. He feels sleepy even after washing his face with cold water and brushing his teeth, which really surprises him because he makes sure to get a healthy amount of sleep every night.

Last night, however, he struggled to fall asleep as his mind was suddenly invaded by some very heavy and unwelcome thoughts, but Seungmin just brushes it off now, not willing to come back to them this early in the morning. Normally he doesn’t wear socks in his cozy apartment, but as he waddles to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, even the sound of his bare feet on the floor annoys him – completely out of the blue. With a sigh, he returns to his room and puts on a clean pair of socks, also wearing his cute slippers that he only wears before and after showering, just in case.

His wrist is a little itchy again, but Seungmin doesn’t pay much attention to it. It’s been like this for a while now and by this time he kind of got used to it, learned to ignore it. Seungmin knows it’s somehow related to his soulmate, but he’s so convinced that this Hwang Hyunjin wouldn’t even want to look at him, that he tries to protect himself from thinking about him too much. It doesn’t always work, because Seungmin isn’t a wizard who could cast a spell and take his empty hopes away, but most of the time he does a decent job of fooling himself and everyone around him.

Drinking warm tea and having delicious breakfast doesn’t help either. He still feels awful and blames in on the nightmare he had tonight as those images once again enter his mind uninvited. He remembers hearing someone cry, a voice so desperate and full of pain, somehow so familiar and dear to his heart, although he’s sure he’s never heard it before, at least, not in real life. It’s not the first time for this voice to appear in his dreams, however, but the only thing he understands and remembers in the morning is hearing his own name.

Jeongin once told him that it might be his soulmate’s cry for help, but Seungmin was quick to reject even _the thought_ of this. Sure, he can’t lie to himself: he loves Hyunjin despite not even knowing how he looks or what kind of a person he is, but it’s _him_ who’s a hopelessly romantic literature major, not Hyunjin. Seungmin believes Hyunjin must have better and more important things to do than thinking about him every night; that’s just ridiculous. Jeongin, poor boy, must’ve read so many articles on soulmate bond that he sees it in every little detail now.

Seungmin likes details too, but he values his routine that keeps him sane way more than the adventurous what ifs.

His life motto is to enjoy all the little things around him, but this morning seems so gloomy and everything is so annoying that he can’t bring himself to enjoy _anything_. Sighing, he spends almost five minutes choosing between his two favorite items, not knowing what to wear today – his fluffy blue sweater or a huge comfortable yellow hoodie. In the end he settles for the sweater, feeling a little better and even safer once he puts it on.

Of course, the morning has more surprises in store: he forgets the umbrella, so when it suddenly starts raining, he only avoids getting his favorite sweater all soaked because he’s lucky enough to catch the bus right on time. Shivering from cold, Seungmin wants to give himself a pat on the back for always sticking to his timetable. Once he finally gets into the university, he feels even grumpier than before, so he pays even more attention to what he says or does while in classes, not wanting to hurt anyone just because he’s having a bad day. It’s not so easy to hurt literature majors, considering their never-ending reading lists and countless essays, but Seungmin is known for being really good at choosing words – both when he’s in a good and a bad mood.

Words are Seungmin’s biggest and most powerful weapon as he finds it difficult to express himself in other ways; he believes he’s quite good at receiving information or emotions in non-verbal way, but can’t say he knows how to do it himself. He prefers talking to touching and writing to talking; still, that doesn’t mean that he’s against things he isn’t so good at – sometimes he even finds himself enjoying them.

Today’s lectures are interesting, but they’re still not enough to have his full attention: he takes notes and listens to every word their professors say, but can almost physically feel that his thoughts are somewhere else and not in the classroom. Once done with classes, Seungmin heads to the café that’s just a few streets away, his favorite place hidden safely from too many visitors, to see Jisung. Thankfully, the rain stopped, so his sweater once again survives the attack of Seungmin’s bad day.

His friend hasn’t arrived yet, so Seungmin orders himself a mug of hot chocolate and relaxes in the soft chair. He always picks the small table near the window where he can see all the people passing by, wondering what’s on their mind and where they always rush – like everyone else, like him, too. In this hour the streets are pretty much empty and Jisung is being late as always, so Seungmin takes out his thick notebook. George Orwell’s book in his bag looks just as inviting, but he decides the day is already bad enough and instead opens the notebook, quickly finding one of his favorite stories to read in this café, especially in such weather.

He isn’t ashamed to admit that, despite not believing in a happy ending with his own soulmate, Seungmin writes beautiful stories about soulmates all the time. For some reason, he likes the warm feeling he gets when he creates another story where everyone is smiling in the end; perhaps it’s something his life lacks, he’s not too sure about that. This particular story is about two soulmates meeting each other for the first time in pouring rain and it never fails to make him smile too. There’s just something so special about reading a story where it rains while sitting in the comfortable chair, enjoying the warmth and nice music of the café.

“Is that a new one?” Jisung asks curiously, bringing him back to reality.

“What?” Seungmin asks, puzzled.

He didn’t notice how Jisung entered the café and joined him at the table, and he guesses he must’ve missed his greeting as well. Jisung doesn’t mind: he’s already used to finding his friend lost in the world of his own stories.

“The story you’ve been reading. Is that a new one?”

“Ah, this… No, it’s the rain one again,” he says with a smile playing on his lips, knowing that Jisung likes this story too.

Although Seungmin is still a little insecure about his writing, he always lets Jisung and Jeongin read his stories so that he has someone to discuss them with. They’re his only close friends after all (and he’s still surprised that they’re both more mature than his university classmates; he still has a few friends at university too, though), and they always support him in everything he does.

Jisung thanks the waitress as she places his order on the table and gets straight to consuming the food, complaining about how hungry he is in between the big bites he takes. Seungmin watches this with a smile, sipping on what’s left of his chocolate. Jisung says something about the weather and once again confesses his endless hatred for Mondays, but Seungmin doesn’t pay much attention as his eyes get glued to the name on Jisung’s wrist. There’s nothing unusual in it, but sometimes Seungmin wonders who this Minho is. Unlike Hyunjin, Minho is five years older than Jisung, and Seungmin honestly thinks that it’s a good thing, that Jisung needs someone more mature by his side, although age isn’t any indication, to be fair.

“Oh my goodness, Minnie,” Jisung says suddenly and freezes with his hand halfway to the spoon. “The name!”

“What’s with the name?” Seungmin asks carefully as he finally takes his eyes off Jisung’s wrist and looks on his own.

Oh. Indeed, _oh_. Hyunjin’s name on his wrist has always been quite easy to notice because of its purple color, but today it shines unusually bright, almost as if he just wrote it with a purple pen, as if it wasn’t there for all the years of his life. He frowns when he sees it because he’s no expert on soulmates and has little to no idea about what it could possibly mean.

“Maybe it’s a sign that you’ll meet him today,” Jisung suggests, but his voice sounds unsure.

Seungmin doubts that too, because as far as he knows the meeting is almost always unexpected. He shakes his head, lifting his wrist a little to get a better look of the name.

“I guess it has to do with the nightmares I’ve been having this whole month,” he admits without much enthusiasm, already knowing that this news will shock Jisung.

“You’ve had nightmares for a whole _month_ and this is the first time I hear about it?” true to his thoughts, Jisung glares at him with a pout making its way to his lips.

“Sorry,” he breathes out. “I didn’t want you to be worried, you’ve had pretty busy time at school.”

“If you tell me that Jeongin knows then I’m going to stay mad at you for a whole week,” Jisung warns him, almost making Seungmin giggle at how dramatic he is.

“Jeongin is a baby,” Seungmin says in his defense. “All he talked about was the soulmate bond.”

“But it _is_ the soulmate bond!” Jisung insists, making him sigh. “Why are you so stubborn to admit this! You don’t know Hyunjin, how can you be so sure that he doesn’t need you?”

“Mind you, _you_ don’t know him either,” Seungmin says back. “It’s not like I can help him anyway, even if he really struggles right now. After those nightmares I just feel annoyed by every little thing, but it’s nothing like pain, so…”

“And what are those nightmares?”

Seungmin really hoped to avoid sharing those with Jisung, not because he doesn’t trust his friend, but rather because he sincerely wants to keep him away from this drama. His own problems are already enough, with Minho’s name changing its color from yellow to black every so often, or at least that’s what Seungmin thinks. Jisung seems to disagree as he keeps staring at him, making it clear that he won’t give up until Seungmin tells him everything.

“Fine!” he sighs again. “It’s always the same voice, somewhat familiar, although I’m sure I’ve never heard it in real life. This person is… crying most of the time, but the only thing I ever hear is my own name, nothing else. I swear, that’s it, Jisung, and I don’t know what to do with this.”

Jisung stays quiet for a few moments, obviously processing the information he just heard. He nearly starts biting his nails, an awful nervous habit of his, but Seungmin quickly smacks his hand to stop it.

“Listen, Minnie, maybe… if it’s Hyunjin-”

“So what?” Seungmin asks almost impatiently because he’s always been afraid of Jisung’s “brilliant” ideas.

“Please hear me out!” Jisung can be quite scary when he wants to. “If it’s Hyunjin and if he’s unconsciously asking for your help, maybe you can… give it to him? I don’t know if it makes sense, but if you get affected by his mood swings, then perhaps he can also feel your emotions if you try a little harder?”

“No, Jisung, that doesn’t make any sense to me,” Seungmin says and he really wants to believe it, but it’s actually quite an interesting thought.

“You’re lying, Minnie.”

Jisung says that this a satisfied smile: sometimes he can read Seungmin like an open book, and, honestly? Seungmin hates it.

“Will you ever start calling me hyung?” he asks with a sigh in hopes to distract his friend at least for a minute.

But of course Jisung doesn’t buy it, he doesn’t even respond to this, instead looking at Seungmin with his eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Okay,” he agrees eventually. “But how are we going to find out whether it worked or not?”

“Umm…” Jisung stutters and his smile falls. “I haven’t thought this far.”

Seungmin only rolls his eyes at that; of course it had to be this way. Jisung looks clearly less excited now and they don’t continue this conversation, instead switching to talking about something less dangerous. This thought, however, doesn’t leave Seungmin’s mind all day afterwards.

Hyunjin’s name is still bright-purple even after he showers and changes into more comfortable cozy clothes. Despite having washed away all of the day’s problems and tiredness, Seungmin feels that his mind is just as clouded as it was when he woke up in the morning. Something similar happened to him in the past, but this is the first time Seungmin feels it this strong and for such a long period of time.

He eats dinner and has another cup of tea before brushing his teeth and getting into bed, but instead of reading he decides to try and follow Jisung’s advice. It still doesn’t make sense to him and seems quite stupid as he sits in the middle of his bed, cross-legged and very much confused. He looks at his wrist and gently touches the name tattooed on the soft skin; a smile finds its way to his face when he does so.

Seungmin doesn’t ever let himself linger on thinking about Hyunjin: he knows it’s not going to lead him anywhere and is almost sure that once they meet, the best he can get is to have Hyunjin as his friend because no one in the whole world can ever be interested in him in a romantic way. Deep down he’s even scared that Hyunjin may reject him completely, but Seungmin knows it’s a normal fear and doesn’t pay much attention to it.

Today, though, he allows himself to fully focus on Hyunjin and nothing else, no matter how tempting the book on the nightstand looks. Seungmin doesn’t know what to do or where to start, but he guesses that if Hyunjin can actually feel any of his emotions, it must be comfort and warmth and not annoyance and sadness he’s been feeling all day. That’s just his friends’ theory, but if he accepts it for a moment and does believe that his soulmate is unconsciously asking for help, then he must do what he can to bring it to Hyunjin.

He tries to imagine Hyunjin, to picture them holding hands, and suddenly gets curious to know what color his own name is on Hyunjin’s wrist. Strangely enough, this question never bothered him before, but now he can’t stop thinking about it. Just imagining that Hyunjin is happy, seeing them laugh together in his mind already makes Seungmin feel a lot calmer and more comfortable, even though it’s actually supposed to work the other way around. He’s always been good at making up stories, so creating one about him and his soulmate isn’t as difficult as he thought it would be. Though he has no idea how Hyunjin looks, he can remember his voice (that is, again, if he goes with Jisung and Jeongin’s theory) and it is enough for Seungmin.

It still feels a bit odd to be doing all this on his own, but Seungmin brushes it off, instead pictures a dialogue where he praises Hyunjin for doing so well and promises to support him regardless of how hard things may get. He knows those words may not work on the _real_ Hyunjin, but uses all his imagination to create such a picture where _this_ Hyunjin feels at peace upon hearing all that.

To his surprise, the nightmares stop for a short while, only coming back four days later. Seungmin isn’t sure if it has anything to do with what he spent so much time portraying in his mind, but decides to repeat it at least once a week – just in case. If there is even the slightest chance that Hyunjin feels better, safer after that, then Seungmin doesn’t mind spending an hour or two to create another beautiful story.

Of course, he never tells Jisung and Jeongin about that.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think, your opinion really means the world to me!
> 
> Lau made the coziest art ever for this fic, please give it all your love <3  
> [Find it here](https://twitter.com/Hige_Law/status/1347568249479852033?s=20)
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/starry_voices)  
> [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/starryj)


End file.
